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It was great to finally meet my surgeon.  I almost cancelled the appointment but remembered what they said about people who keep cancelling, etc, that they take those as not being very serious.  The drive is about 1 1/2 hrs away for me and I just hate that long ride by myself but thank God my sister came with me. 

The surgeon was extremely nice.  He said I need to get my diabetes numbers under control and lose 10 lbs and I am ready for surgery! It's all so in close range now.  I have lost 20 lbs since this journey started but I find myself being very hungry or just head hungry lately and eating all these things I know I shouldn't.  I haven't gained any weight back but I know I have to start doing the pre-op meal plan soon, those 10 lbs won't take long to come off but my blood sugar levels will definitely be a challenge, they are checking my A1C again in mid December, but if I have a decent number and 10 lbs down, I could be looking at surgery as soon as January.

This is so exciting, scary, and all kinds of other thinkgs I am feeling right now. I just know I am tired of being fat and tired of being tired all the time.  I want my life back and with all this weight I am certainly not going to get far.

Keep me in prayers! I need it because I know this is what is going to be best for me.

I am very excited to be meeting the surgeon tomorrow at my orientation, its too bad its 1 hr and 20 min drive from my house and the appoinment is at 8:30 in the morning.  But my friend is going with me so I feel better about that, someone to talk to I feel nervous but I know I need to do this.  I am ready, so tired of being sick and self conscious about my weight. I keep feeling fearful but then I know that my life is can be cut short because of my bad health and I don't want to live my life sick and in pain and with regrets about not doing the surgery.

I will post again after my appointment tomorrow to see what happens next, keep me in prayer!

Well, I have my first appointment with the surgeon, the first orientation meeting.  That is going to take place on October 12, 2010.  I guess they will be weighing me and doing everything else as far as letting me know what I need to do before the surgery date.  I have been scared off and on about the surgery, can I do it myself, did I try everything I could to lose the weight on my own.  It's such a permanent thing but over all it falls back to the same thing, I was not able to do this on my own for many years and now my health is so bad, all the blood levels are up, cholesterol is high, blood sugar is high, blood pressure is up.  I am only 37 years old and my health is so bad.

Well I will post more after my appointment next week.  This is such a hard decision and I don't want to take it lightly.  My friend who did the surgery in April lost 100 lbs already but she was well over 300 so now she is at 250 and kind of at a stand still, I dont want that to happen.  I spoke to a lady at curves and she said most people find ways to cheat the surgery by eating things they shouldn't etc, and that most gain it all back by stretching out their stomachs again.

I am beliving by faith this will be the tool to help me get on my way to a healthy me, I don't care about looking good by being thinner I care about my life and getting my health under control.

We met with Kaiser's Nutritionist and a Doctor describing the surgeries available at Kaiser, I have been in 2 other seminars already so I already knew what they were talking about.  It seems each time I hear the potential risks, it still scares me.  I keep thinking I can do this on my own but always come back to the realization that I cannot.  I have tried for the last 11 years and have not been able to get this weight off.

I can tell my mom is a bit scared, she is 63 so she is right there at the age where they may tell her no but she is still scared of possible side affects or complications.  I don't blame her, I would be at that age also.  I am scared at my age and I am 37.  But I keep feeling like time is running out so I need to do this.  I asked my doctor to set me up with a weight loss program through the physical therapy department, she said someone should be calling me regarding this but I never got a call.  I am going to have to track down this department person so I can set up some appointments.  Besides all that I am having health problems, which always brings me back to my weight and how I would just be better off doing the surgery.

I am so thankful Kaiser offers the Sleeve but too bad they don't do the procedure at their facility where I live, I will have to travel an hour away for appointments.  But whatever it takes.  I am down from 282.5 to 265 so that is something :)

Well, my mother and I have our Pre-Surgery meeting with a doctor at Kaiser on September 2, 2010.  This should be interested.  I haven't been eating the greatest but due to other stress related events I have lost 14 lbs.  I went from 282.5 to 268.5.  That was a positive thing.  Once I go to that meeting I will find out how much more they will require me to lose.  Seems everything revolves around weight.   I hate being this way and wish I wasn't but soon enough that will be behind me.  Had my character attacked and weight by a disgruntled member who got fired, her family made some type of reference to us being fat indian women and were jelous of her because she was thin and beautiful.  That hurt.  I hate this kind of stuff, I am already self conscious as it is and then you have people talking about your weight.  Just because I am overweight doesn't mean I am jelous of every skinny woman.  I dont want to be skinny, I want to be healthy and that is what this is all about.  I can't wait to be on that healthy path to a healthy weight.

Well, I never heard back from the weightloss clinic and I am tired of bugging them.  I changed insurance to Kaiser and they will do the sleeve! So I am very excited right about now.  I met with a doctor and told her I was in the process and she said it seemed I was on the right track.  I am going to attend the mandatory weight loss class on September 2, 2010 and it's on from there!  I am hoping to have my procedure before the end of the year!  I am exicited again!  My friend who already had the sleeve done in April is down like 80 lbs and she is looking good, a ways to go still but wow!  I will be truly excited to lose 80 lbs.  I have lost 11.5 lbs on my own, not trying hard but not eating as much.  I still need to get back into some kind of exercise routine but I kind of want to wait until the first weigh in to do that.

I kept thinking this might not happen but I want it bad enough, I know my health will improve and that will change my life!

Well, I have still been obsessing about this surgery.  Still waiting and wondering if this clinic is going to call me back to set up a next appointment but all the while, I haven't even lost any of the weight they told me to which is only 15-20 lbs.  I am about to change insurance if that is what it takes because Kaiser offers the Sleeve procedure which I want and my current, blue shield says only if it is medically necessary.

I wake up at nights and that is what I am thinking about, constantly thinking about this surgery and the weightloss and if things will go smooth and if I will be happier and healthier.  So much stress in my life now keeps me eating but I don't want to live like this anymore. 

Hopefully things speed up, I guess being in limbo has me unmotivated to  work on the weight but I know that has to kick into action soon because I need to do something.

I still haven't made a decision.  I have been back and forth with my insurance to see if they would allow me to have the Sleeve Gastrectomy.  They say if it is medically necessary, meaning that it is needed if it isn't done it will cause physical harm.  Medically necessary bariatric surgery is covered under my health plan.  Now I guess the deal is trying to get my insurance to believe it is medically necessary for the Sleeve procedure specially.  I am ready to fight this because that is the procredure I want and feel comfortable with.  I have researched and have a template letter from someone else who fought their insurance and won.  I will not give up, my life is at stake here and I have to do something fast.

This weight is causing so much grief and anguish, I am so miserable right now.  My friend who had the sleeve in April is doing great, she has lost lots of weight so far and has so much energy.  I just want to feel healthy and be able to put my socks and shoes on with out running out of breath, get my clothes on without having to maneuver my body all over to get my clothes on because I can't reach places or turn far enough a direction.  it is frustrating. I can barely use the bathroom without a struggle, I know, that's a little to much but it's true.

Only God can open that door for me and find favor with my insurance.  I am believing for a miracle!

Still haven't made any decisions on the weighloss procedure.  I think about it all the time, imagine myself healthy and thin, I think more so when I am looking in a mirror or passing a store window, when I see how big I really am it discourages me, I am only 5'3 280 lbs, I am like a big egg in shape, that's funny but not.  I have struggled with this weight since my mid 20's and I am 37 yrs old now.  I am young enough to still enjoy my life and I cannot do it in this body.

The depression doesn't help and the discouragement with my insurance to fight for the procedure I think is best for me.  I keep praying that God will give me direction and the doors keep closing on the sleeve procedure, is that a sign I shouldn't do it? or that I should settle for the bypass?  I dont really know at this point but I really need to be around someone who has had the bypass and just ask more questions and get familiar in case that ends up my only option.

I have not given up yet, too much at stake, my life.  I wonder why it is so hard to make a decision when truly, with a bmi of 49.6 all kinds of health issues could really harm me right now.  I am already a diabetic.  What is really stopping me?

I went to the weight loss seminar again today, kind of disappointed again but I can't let it get me down.  I talked to the Surgeon after the presentation and told him what my insurance e-mailed me regarding the sleeve gastrectomy and he said they still woudnt pass me they usually only approve it if its 1 of a 2 part surgery for another procedure.  I am going to try my insurance one more time and see if they can give me some specific details, maybe I have to check another surgeon not sure but its worth a try.  If the Lord wills me to have the bypass I will do it because at this I know that I need to take this weight off, I am so unhappy at this weight so I have to do something.  I took my mom, husband and friend to the seminar it was good. They are encouraged.  I love this website, seeing the before and after pictures, hearing the testimonies, they all encourage me.  My main focus is being healthy not just thinner, that would be the bonus.

I hate feeling like I am older than I am because of this weight.  I am sure I look older than my years and it discourages me.  I know that God will lead me the right direction in this and I am positive I will be happier for making the right choice.