Tara W.
I know we are suppose to tell all our weight problems here, but mine is the same as every other person. So my new story will begin Feb, 19 when I have my RNY. Or so I thought when I wrote that statment months ago.I waited awhile before I wrote this... til I felt like I had something of importance to say. I have so much to say now if I can just find the right words. I was talking to a great friend of mine last night, it was like talking to myself ....but about the past 10 years, the weight struggle, the insecurities, the low self esteem, the sadness in her life. More than anything ..I noticed her lack of enthusiasm for life. Then I realised that it wasn't she that had changed, It was myself. I have a new look on life now. I actually have my life back now and enjoy it. I have learned so much about myself since surgery. I guess everyone does, but I really didn't think I had anything to learn about myself. I still don't know if everyone experiences all the lows that I did, but I can now spot it in others and it is a constant reminder of where I have been and where I am now. WLS has saved my life. I had only a few comorbidities (sleep apnea, strong family history for cardiac disease and of course morbid obesity). One of the comorbidities that they forget to stress is depression. I look back on what I have felt like the past 5-10 years and can't believe I actually was able to function. I isolated myself from others to hide myself, I didn't really feel like getting out, I didn't have the energy, plus I really didn't care if I did anything or not. Everything took so much energy and always made me feel bad and it wasn't worth it!! I didn't feel worthy of most things, I cried all the time!! I have always been soft hearted... when I was soooo depressed and add a huge helping of low self esteem, I found mysef feeling very sorry for myself....and depression took over my life without me even knowing what was wrong. I still ask myself today...was I depressed because of the weight or was I overweight because of the depression. I don't know but it all factors into what I am trying to say. Since WLS I don't have these feelings anymore. I dance,sing,smile, laugh and act crazy like I used to. I enjoy seeing my friends and family again. I have roads to repair in past relationships that I have sabbotaged and I am now up for the job....because it is VERY important to me. Now I have the energy to work on it also. There are so many things I could talk about that make me feel good now, like shopping for clothes is a happy occasion , crossing my legs is natural now, I don't feel I stick out in the crowd anymore, I fit in the airplane seats with room to spare...I could go on and on. The main thing I want to express is what a special feeling it is to finally feel good again, feel good on a consistant basis. Sure I had good days before but few and far between. I didn't see myself like other people on OH, I thought I would lose weight and just carry on with life, boy was I ever in for a shock when I started feeling so happy again. I truley didn't see that depression had taken me over. Isn't it amazing to be so depressed and not even know it. I look back and see what so many of my friends and family were saying about not being myself...I sure didn't understand what they were talking about. Watch out now.....I have my life back and making up for lost time!!!!
