tlmiller
September 10/07
Well… today is the day... I have finally made up my mind that gastric bypass surgery is what I need to take control of my life again… the headaches and joint pain and swelling from my weight have gotten out of control… I sleep too much and am tired all the time… My 14 yr old daughter Miranda made a comment today to her boyfriend about how much she does for me... it really hit home… am I that reliant on her??? She needs to be able to be a kid and I need to be able to participate in more activities…with her and without her....
September 11/07 September 12/07 September 17/07 September 21/07 September 24/07 September 25/07 October 12, 2007 October 24, 2007 October 26, 2007 November 7, 2007 Heard from Sally today… my OHIP approval has gone through for my consultation with Dr Marshall and that I should expect a call from Kim at his office to book the appt. I am heading to November 22, 2007 December 4, 2007 Looks like I do have mild sleep apnea... go figure... apparently I stop breathing approximately ever 5-7 minutes for 15 seconds... my body wakes up every time... which would explain why I am sooo tired all the time... even after sleeping 10-12 hours... I dont need to be put on a machine.. THANK GOD... and they said the WLS will cure it...
Spoke to Kellie in my office today… she had her surgery 12 months ago in Rochester... she is tall like myself at 6’1, weighed 351lbs and was a size 26. I cant get over the change in her… she is now 169lbs and approximately a size 8… a total loss of 182lbs…more than she weighs now… She told me about the pros and cons and the restrictions that are now permanent… she still throws up a lot and says she sips tea all day and really doesn’t eat a lot.. just tiny portions of a few foods… she had her surgery done in
Went to see my family physician today…had a full bloodwork done and asked her how she felt about me having the surgery… 3 years ago when I was 47lbs lighter she didn’t feel I was a good candidate for bypass and recommended laproscopic banding…at that time the surgery was 15000.00 and I didn’t make enough money to get approved for a loan…. She now agrees that I am a good candidate and said I should apply to OHIP for coverage in the because the wait time in
Talked to my parents today about the surgery…they are both very afraid for me… my mom has never been more than 25lbs overweight and my step-dad has never had any issues… I don’t think either of them understands the frustration and feelings of helplessness that come along with morbid obesity. I also spoke to an acquaintance of my best friend named Aimee. She had her bypass surgery 11 weeks ago... she has lost 42 lbs so far and is very positive about the whole thing…she seems to be able to eat more variety than Kellie can and she is only 2.5 months out… both her mother and sister had the surgery 2 years ago and they have reached and maintained their goal weight ever since…. she has given me her physicians info and has left a message for the administrator in Michigan to call me back next week.
Saw my family physician Dr Vania today to fill out my application form for Out of Country Services OHIP Approval… She says I am a good candidate and that she recently had another patient approved who needed to lose a lot less weight and does not have as many health issues as I do… Crossing my fingers…hoping this will finally be the answer I have been looking for. Have been having a lot of headaches lately and sleeping 12-14 hours a day… still can’t seem to sleep at night though…
Had to go back to the doctor’s office today…in the excitement of filling out the forms and getting all of my prescriptions renewed I totally forgot to have her sign the application form…and I had her revue my personal letter that will go with it… I went to my best friend Jenny’s house and finished my own letter…. After reading it I cried… I can’t believe how many illnesses I have had and how many medications I take…making a list sure brought it to the forefront of thought. I faxed my application and letter to the Ministry of Health Long Term Care and called the person I am to address it to. Aimee told me she had to call a lot to get an answer back so she just kept calling until the woman picked up… I got voice mail 15 times… not surprising… this is socialized medicine…
Sally from Dr Marshall’s office called today… she is sending out an information package for me… and she signed me up for a seminar in
Went to see Dr Vania today… OHIP sent my forms back with a note for clarification on my co-morbidities… she said she should have it out to them in the next week… we made sure to focus on the borderline diabetes and osteoarthritis…
Went to see Dr Vania today... have been having pain and burning in my left breast that has spread to the right one… she did a full breast exam but said the breasts are ropey but was sure there were no lumps… there is also a constant pressure in my heart area.. pretty sure its just stress....
The chest pain was so bad today I ended up in Bowmanville Hospital after work… they did a chest x-ray but didn’t find anything… I know that no news is better than bad news but its frustrating not knowing whats wrong...
October 27, 2007
Was supposed to go to
November 10, 2007
Went to the Orientation today... Dr Pesta who will be assisting my surgeron Dr Marshall was the one to do the presentation... I loved him.. very friendly..I wish my mom could have been there...so many questions that she has asked me were answered... There were mostly Americans there... sounds like they have so much more to do with their insurance to get approved.. a lot have to keep a journal of their doctor supervised diet for one year before the insurance will approve them... thats a long time to wait... I guess I should be thankful that OHIP may approve me for stateside... After the consult I met with Sally.. she did my weight and measurements and took a picture of me... I nearly died when I stepped on the scale.. last time I weighed myself I was 317... their scale says I am 328.. I just stood there in shock staring at the number... How did I let this happen??? I remember when my marriage split up I was in the 270's.. I started kickboxing and eating healthy and got down to 216.. I remember thinking.. NEVER AGAIN.. I will never be THAT big again.. and here I am many years later and 112lbs heavier than that.. .a whole small person.. It's like carrying my good friend Michelle who weighs about 110 around on my back permanently... What have I done to myself????
Boy am I tired... I drove down to Michigan on the night of the 2nd and stayed overnight at a hotel so I could be rested for a full day of appointments... It started at 830 when I left the hotel to torrential rain.. is this a sign? I hope not... On my way there I see Tim Hortons... I am OVER the moon.. I go inside to get a tea and bagel.. and order my tea.. they proceed to put cream in it.... now anyone who is English.. knows full well.. you dont put cream in tea.. that is a crime ... so I ask again for milk.....they tell me they are out of milk... I blinked twice and said.. "you're kidding right??" How can a coffee shop be out of milk???? No wonder people are fat.. they are drinking tea with cream.. I mean COME ON people.. I just want a damn tea to calm my nerves.... Okay.. so now I am hungry and thirsty and am not sure where the office is so I forgo my breakie and head there... its 8:50 am.. my appointment is at 9:00 with the psychiatrist (who happens to be Dr Pesta's sister).. 2nd part to my funny morning....as I mentioned.. God had opened up the floodgates and Noah and his ark were passing by and I had to stand in this little vestibule waiting for the office to open.. well isnt there s a giant spider dangling from a thin thread and taunting me the whole time.. Did I mention I hate spiders... so not only am I stressed out about the phsych evaluation.. (I mean know that I am missing a few fries from my happy meal but I am hoping they wont figure it out) HAHA But now I have to deal with Mr Eight Legs sharing this 5 foot by 5 foot space...AND I haVent had my morning TEA!!!!!! I must have tried the door 20X before they actually opened it... Soooo... then I was off the next appointment at 11:30 with Dr Diab's office for a physical.. he is the internal medicine doctor...Thankfully I found another Tim Hortons on the way and all was right in the world after a bagel and my oh so delicious TEA with Milk.. yes milk people!!!!!!!! So I meet with Dr Diab and we basically just went over my medical history and they did an electro cardio gram.. he seems concerned about the chest pains I was having so he has asked that I have a heart echo (ultrasound) when I get back to Canada... Onto appointment number 3 at 2:30... I did say this was a FULL day didnt I?? Got to Dr Marshalls office and had an orientation with him and another girl from Canada.. it takes quite a while so he schedules more than one at a time... I really like him... can tell already that he has an excellent bedside manner... I got my prescriptions for surgery (even though I havent been fully approved yet) and was out of his office by 5:00... the secretary called over to Sally's office to let her know I just had to grab a quick bite so might be a few minutes late for the 5:30 class and tour of the hospital... Another Tim's tea for me.. no time to eat.... was raining so hard drove right past the hospital... GRRRR... I hate being late... Thankfully a few others walked in after me... Sally pointed at my tea though and said.. thats caffeine free right?? I just smiled.. that will probably be the hardest thing for me to kick.. I am a shift worker with the police.. I work 12 hour shifts.. 2 days from 630am to 630pm then 2 nights from 630pm to 630am and then off for 4 and it starts all over again.... *sigh* So anyways.... after all 4 appointments I did a little shopping and headed back to Ontario.. LONG DAY.. didnt get home until 4am... but this is the last trip until my appointment with the Anestesiologist...
Tonight I am heading to the sleep clinic to be tested for sleep Apnea... pretty sure I dont have it.. I think I just snore a bit... hard to tell when you are single though and hog the king size bed to yourself.
OMG OMG OMG.. Sally called and left a message on my machine while I was the sleep clinic getting my results.. I AM APPROVED!!! HOLY CRAP!!! Happy Dance... Happy Dance....Happy Dance…. Just have to have the last of my tests done on the 6th and then wait for all of my results to be in and I will get a date…
December 6, 2007 December 14, 2007 My test results should have been in as well.. NOTHING yet… good lord.. I am going out of my mind waiting… I need to book my time off at work and rearrange some shifts with a coworker who owes me 2 days… Did I mention I am not a patient person… Actually let me clarify.. when I want something I am not patient.. In my job… whole other story.. not sure if I have mentioned this before or not but I am a 911 operator… HUGE amount of patience required for that… Ironic??? LOL
December 21, 2007 January 2, 2008 I find I am here on the website reading everybody’s stories on a dialy basis… its so inspirational… more and more it makes me feel “normal”… so many people have suffered thru the same pain and humiliation of feeling like an outcast. I have been more open about the surgery with my corworkers at work.... for the most part people are supportive… I have had a few snarky comments about it and oddly enough its usually from people who obviously battle with their weight as well… I even got a “what…. Are you nuts??” to which I replied very calmy… actually .. No I am not…. I told her people don’t understand that when you are morbidly obese there are so many health complications and she looked at me and said.. “Terilyn, I don’t consider you obese”… I was shocked.. I just assumed everyone sees me as this huge person… It’s the 2nd or 3rd time someone has told me that.. I guess because I am tall and carry myself well and have never ever been dumpy in the way I dress or present myself that people don’t see me as the stereotypical obese person. I wear nice clothes and shoes, my hair and makeup and nails are always done… One could never call me frumpy or sloppy.. I guess my mother just raised a girlie girl.
I was in the lunch room a few nights ago and watching Larry King Live and he had all of the finalists from this years Biggest Loser on it.. a show which I watch regligiously… and Bob and Jillian the trainers were telling Larry how WLS doesn’t work… and I could feel all eyes on me in the room… and I just sat there in silence…imagining what they all were thinking but not saying... as much as I love the show… I don’t have 3 months of my time to be away from home and have a personal trainer and a chef… I am doing what is right for me and what will save my life... WLS is the best solution for me.
Well…here I am… in the hotel a few miles from the hospital with my Mom. The magnesium drink is GROSS… nothing worse than farting and pooping every 10 minutes when you are sharing a hotel room with your mom… HAHA… My nerves were pretty good…then I got a message from a lady on the site here wishing me good luck, so I went to her profile to read a bit about her… unfortunately the first part of her profile was very sad... it was condolences to the family of a lady from who had lost her life on the 3rd of January due to wound infections… I broke down… was crying uncontrollably... is this a mistake… what am I getting myself into… people die from this… My goodness, I almost got in my car and went home…. NOT what I needed to read the night before my surgery… Mom eventually helped calm me down and I realized….of course this is what I need... its time to change my life… Also, weighed in with Sally at the centre… 319.5 … so am down 8.5 from my top of 328lbs…. More vein problems… they come every morning to take blood... they can’t seem to ever get it on the first try… damn… I hate needles… the nurses are amazing... so sweet… Sharon and Pam are my faves…. I walk every few hours and had some Jell-o today…cant believe I was so excited to see Jell-o…but then its Friday and the last solid I ate was on Monday when I had a little bit of chicken with rice and bean sprouts… Dr says I can go home on Sunday or Monday if I like and then come back on Wednesday to have my drain out. Lots of gas pain in my left shoulder and midsection…. The shoulder is the worst part…. Everyone tells me it will pass… Mom showed up today with the most beautiful butterfly shaped balloon… she told me that that is how she sees me with this journey and her beautiful butterfly will emerge… I cried again... I swear they adjusted my tear ducts too… seems almost anything makes me cry these days They gave me a glycerin suppository today… you would think after having a baby AND a hysterectomy for cancer that I wouldn’t be shy... BUT no… having someone stick something in your bum is bad enough, but then having to press the button and have another nurse (a complete stranger you have never seen before) show up to wipe your bum for you because you cant reach from the pain.. I just sat there crying, feeling so useless and completely mortified at the thought of a stranger having to clean me up… I know she didn’t care and she tried to make me feel better but it still was difficult…God love nurses for what they do… They are going tot me stay one more day... woke up feeling very nauseous today. Everyone says there will be good and bad days so am just trying to push thru it. All I really want to do is sleep but every 20 minutes someone else comes in to poke and prod at me… hoping when I get home it will be more restful. Dr came and pulled my drain tube out today… normally its in for a week or so but he seemed to think I was doing so well that it could come out. OH did I mention I had no staples... they glued my wounds back together… looks like when you get crazy glue on your fingers.. white and hard… and I have a few clear strings sticking out which are obviously the inside dissolvable stitches. Am back at the hotel now… was released this afternoon. Gave the nurses a thank you card and a small caring angel figurine for their desk… they truly made the stay bearable... they all hugged me when I left. I sure am missing the back of the hospital bed…can’t seem to get enough pillows behind me to prop me up. We are heading back home tomorrow… Am only taking the pain meds at night now… just to knock me out to sleep. Am eating pureed soup, yogurt and protein shakes.
Spent the day at the hospital having full blood work, a pulmonary function test and heart echo… they say the results should take a week or so… hurry up and wait… gotta love it..
Saw Dr Vania today…had to have all of my prescriptions changed over to Canadian. They are surely going to think I am a druggie at the pharmacy… HAHA
Called Dr Vania’s office.. results were faxed over to Sally yesterday.. called Sally.. she sent them to Dr Diabs office already… she told me to call Dr Marshalls office to see if he has gotten clearance from Dr Diabs office… AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH… message says they are closed until the 2nd of January for the holidays.. How am I ever gonna wait that long for a date…. Called Sally back.. she phoned Dr Pesta’s office who is Dr Marshalls surgery Partner… they only do surgery’s together so you have 2 board certified surgeons at your surgery.. I think this is amazing.. ANYWAYS… here it is…..the moment I have been waiting for…. My date is…. Drum roll please…. JANUARY 10th ! Now I have to book Moms flight up from
WOW… 8 days and counting… am on day 3 of blood thinner injections… never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that I would be giving myself a needle… twice a day at that… but surprisingly they don’t hurt at all…cant believe I was such a baby about it… HAHA
January 10th, 2008
Soooo….Surgery went off without a hitch…. Dr Marshall said it was textbook…..5 small ports and one larger one on my stomach……. I like to make people laugh so right before I went into the operating room I had the nurse bring me a marker and some surgical tape and I drew a goofy happy face and stuck it over my belly button. When Dr Marshall went out after surgery to tell my mom how it went he gave her the piece of tape... they both had a good laugh. I don’t remember coming to in the recovery room but I do remember the bumpy ride up to my room… I felt every seam in the floor….The nurses were very attentive and I was right outside the desk so could call them whenever I needed anything. I think the only part I didn’t like was getting the IV… my veins seem to hide and they had to use 3 nurses to get it in…
January 24th, 2008
Am 2 weeks out now... can eat cottage cheese, moms homemade pureed chili, yogurt, oatmeal and thats about it.. Am struggling to get enough protein in.. the day doesnt seem to be long enough... finally got on the scale... am down to 301... wow... 27lbs... Mom is leaving tomorrow to go back to Texas.. have enjoyed having her here sooo much...spoils me rotton and is on top of my schedule for eating and exercising. Its going to be tough having to cook for myself and my daughter now...
January 29th, 2008
Threw up for the 1st time today... cottage cheese... I swallowed a bite that wasnt quite chewed enough... word to the wise.. ALWAYS CHEW CHEW AND OVERCHEW your food.... the dry heaving and wretching noises are awful.. I dont want to ever do it again!!!!!
January 31, 2008
Weighed in today... 3 weeks out... down to 296... 32lbs gone... still so very tired... cant seem to find any energy but the stiffness and pain and starting to subside... still eating the same foods...
February 4th, 2008
Not feeling great today...was sipping a tea and got very nauseus...up came the froth.... I hate the heaving... people warned me about it but you dont realize how awful it is until you go thru it.
February 5th, 2008
Oh gosh.. AGAIN... made turkey meatloaf today.. just lean ground turkey and egg... BUT obviously my new pouch didnt like it... more dry heaving... just froth and saliva coming up...
February 6th, 2008
I am really hating this week...have felt so crappy.... not only did we get bombarded with snow so that I couldnt go to Michigan to see Dr Marshall for my one month appointment but I had a "dumping" episode today.... Simple mashed potatoes... I know sometimes I am pretty graphic in what I type here but I think its important for people to know what can happen and along with the weight loss there are some not so pleasant things. It started with severe cramping and a full out RUN to the bathroom...more dry heaves and then you get the runs... I feel so bad for my daughter who is so worried about me... not only is she helping me around the house but having to sit by and listen to me wretching is not something a 14 year old should have to deal with.. God bless her... she is so sweet....
February 7th, 2008
4 weeks today.... weighed in at 291lbs... down 37lbs.... afraid to eat today after the last 3 days of heaving...called Sally and she said I should go back to what was working and wait until I see the Dr next week... so its back to Yogurt and oatmeal... MMM.... NOT... I like a little more flavour but at least the protein drinks are good.... I hope I dont sound too negative... just hate being sick... I really am thankful for this opportunity to get healthy and I know there will be some stumbling stones along the way...
February 14th, 2007
5 weeks out today... saw Dr Marshall yesterday.. .he gave me a B12 shot.. holy cow those needles are HUGE... he says that Americans give themselves the shots but has found that his Canadian patients tend to see their Dr's.. well I guess I will be one of those "wimps"... I could handle the Lovenox needles.. they were itty bitty... but the B12's are out of my comfort zone.... Am down to 288 ...weight is slowing but I know its because I am not getting enough protein...I was out of the HMR70 last week and really struggled to get the Atkins down... SO.. what did I learn from this??? EAT YOUR PROTEIN and make sure you Poop.... HAHA Am heading back to work next week... AM a little nervous.... I tire so easily.....I work 12 hour shifts as a 911 calltaker and will have to go back on modified hours to start as well as having to get up from my desk every 2 hours to eat....
February 21st, 2007
Well this week hasnt been good... I am so tired and have been in bed now for 2 days with flu symptoms... also I cant seem to poop... even the glycerine isnt helping much.. think thats why I have only lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks... Was supposed to go back to work yesterday but almost blacked out in the shower from being lightheaded and have been nauseous as well... I've been taking fibre pills and eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning.. not sure what else I can do other than taking a pill... I havent tried ANY pills that arent chewable yet... a little nervous about it although last week Dr Marshall said I could swallow a pill as long as its smaller than an M&M ... think I will hold out one or two more days as I feel so ill the last thing I want is to have to be in the bathroom moreso than already.. *sigh*
February 28th, 2008
VERY VERY VERY FRUSTRATED...scale going up and down this week but not by much.. I seem to be holding onto weight now.. I have upped my protein to over 60g a day.. I have no fat in the diet and barely eating more than a few bites at a time... have only lost a couple lbs in the last 2 weeks... SIGH
March 6th, 2008
Well the scale finally moved today... FINALLY... down 4 more lbs... still struggling with constipation but hoping it wont last forever....
