Vicki D.

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This time last year I made a decision to live – not just exist, but live. At 378 pounds, my body struggled to keep itself going daily. Just moving was an effort and leaving the house meant carrying an oxygen tank with me (30 years of smoking plus the added weight was literally suffocating me). My doctor had talked to me about gastric by-pass surgery but I dismissed the idea as “surgical self-control”. His response was “if it works, who cares?”

#choiceshaveconsequences
 

I saw a bariatric surgeon on 1/27/2012 and started his diet and treatment orders the next day. I also reached out to friends and family for support and the idea of a shot glass of support was born. Initially after surgery your “new” stomach can only hold an ounce of liquid at a time – or a shot glass. I asked for prayers and support and shot glasses to encourage me during hard times on this journey, and I got plenty of everything.

#bridgeovertroubledwaters
 

By June of 2012, with diet and exercise (notice I said “and exercise”), I had lost 90lbs and had gastric bypass surgery. Today, a year from the beginning of my journey, I have lost almost 200 pounds and I am 15lbs from my goal weight.

#thelittleenginethatcould
 

I have relied heavily on my shot glasses this past year and will be forever humbled and grateful for all of the love and support they represent. Thank you all for being there and helping me learn to be a better me – I am truly blessed.

#igetbywithalittlehelpfrommyfriends

 Made it through surgery on June 12Th with-out any major complications I did have to have 2 units of blood on day 2 post-op and an iron transfusion on day 3 but to be honest, I felt fine and was somewhat surprised when the nurses came in to start them!

I got to come home on the 18Th with a post surgical weight of 287 (gain from pre-surgery weight but thanks to all the information I have found here, I knew that happened sometimes so it didn't really bother me). I think the hardest part for me has been the mood swings and emotions. I read a post on here that explained that hormonal surges as well as the shock of surgery on the body can cause most of this. I was really pretty energetic until 3 days ago and then, as Cleopatra Nik so eloquently put it, I feel like a "walking corpse"!


I had lab and check-up with my PCP yesterday and got a B-12 injection so hopefully that will help some. I weighed today and have lost a total of 103 pounds (9 pounds since surgery). Which means that not only have I lost over 100 pounds, I have passed the halfway point to my goal weight 

Life is Good 

 Finally! After multiple phone calls and visits, I have a surgery date!! Thank God -- I was beginning to think it was never going to happen and it took more documentation and determination on my part than I ever expected. The last problem was that the hospital didn't like that fact that I have COPD (well I don't either but have no one to blame but myself). They also didn't think I had enough diet documentation so with my appointment today, I provided them with a daily food log since January of this year as well as a daily exercise log. My doctor went to bat for me a basically said that if I could do 12 miles on a exercise bike daily, I was ok to have surgery -- the diet log was the icing on the cake. I used an online program and would highly reccommend anyone else doing so, it really helped me stay on track during this process and saved my butt today! I am very happy and humbled to finally be at the point to where I feel like there is hope for the future. For people who say this is the easy way out, I disagree, I have never had to jump through so many hoops to accomplish anything! I have been on a diet of no more than 500 calories a day (2 protein shakes to replace two meals, and 3 ounces of protein and non-starchy veggies daily) since January and have lost 90 lbs. When I started this process, I was unable to even walk from my room to the bathroom without being short of breath, had to use portable oxygen if walking more than 30 feet, and still sleep with oxygen and a CPAP. I would literally have to rest and catch my breath halfway to the building to do water aerobics and at first, could not keep up with the rest of the class. I missed church, kids activities and did almost all of my shopping online because I simply did not have the stamina to go shopping in a store. Today, after my doctors appointment I went to the mall with my daughter and one of her friends, and then went to the groery store with no shortness of breath and no oxygen! Life is indeed good and getting better everyday 

 Today didn't start out that good -- 2 teenagers running late and both trying to get ready for school = arguements and negativity. Add to that picking -up two  of their friends and traffic and you have a bad start to an otherwise perfectly good day! I am not a morning person anyway so after I got them off to school, I was stressed and iritable and downright rebellious when it came to choosing to be healthy today!
Thankfully, I did nothing before my morning meditation which helped me gain a better perspective on life in general and this morning specifically .

I then made my morning shake and went to my water aerobics class. These ladies are the best! I was welcomed with open arms when I started the class back in February and have been nothing but loved since then! A few asked about my surgery date and told me to keep them posted so they could pray for me which meant alot to me. We laughed and joked as we exercised and by the time class was over, I was smiling and energetic and ready to face the day.

What a difference a smile or a word of encouragement can make in your life -- How powerful a blessing it is to those of us on the receiving end!

Since I starte this journey, I have been collecting shot glasses as part of my "Shot glass of Support" campainge ( I have asked friends and family to send me a shot glass that best represents them because after the surgery, my stomach will be about the size of a shotglass, and that way I can feel their love and support while I adjust to a new way of living and eating) -- perhaps I should start using them before the surgery instead of saving them for after!

Today, I lift a shot glass to all of my newfound OH friends -- I'm glad to have you! 

 I have been looking back on the past 3 months (seems like a lifetime ago) and where I am today compared to then. I can walk into water aerobics without having to stop and rest halfway to the door. I can weigh on scales at home, I am a size smaller in clothing, I have more energy and stamina than I have in years, and I have lost 70 pounds. I truely have come a long way in three short months and although I'm not finished (by a long shot), I can say that I have accomplished more than I thought I could. I still don't have a surgery date but today, that is ok -- and the only thing that has changed is my sttitude about that (Hmmm!). So I will continue my journey one day at a time and today is a pretty good day 

 Last week was a hard week for me, I am doing everything that I'm supposed to do, have met all of the requirements the surgeon has asked me to meet and now I wait -- for a hospital to decided if I can have the surgery or not! I was irritated all week and week-end and nothing made it better. I finally cried, prayed, and kept on doing what I was supposed to do. This week it is still weighing on me but I have had a few personal accomplishments that have made the waiting easier. Number one, I did not eat emotionally when things got rough, I stuck to my healthy eating and continued to exercise like I'm supposed to. Number two I have realized that I can only control me and nothing else so I need to stay focused on what I can do, not what somebody else is not doing. And finally, I was able to weigh last night on the scales at home -- I have been too heavy until this week and could only weigh at the doctor's office with my visits. This was a very humbling and encouraging mileston for me and it is one that I need to celebrate -- I have not been able to weigh on "normal" scales in about 7 years! I hope I can continue to focuse on what I can change, and accept what I can't .

 I don't do well with unknowns and can imagine all sorts of "what ifs" to derail my hopes. I have done everything the doctor has asked me to do and am now playing the waiting game with scheduling the surgery. It has supposedly been sent to the hospital for approval which can take anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 weeks and although they assure me they have only had one turned down (because the patient was supposed to quit smoking and tested positive for nicotene) I still can not relax and believe that this is really going to happen until I get that magical surgery date . I am trying to stay focused on eating right and exercising but I sure would feel more serene if I had the date (sigh).

 I am starting to learn the difference between mouth hunger and true hunger.

 I've spent the better part of my days trying to make deals when it comes to my eating. Your mind is a very powerful thing and mine has been trying to talk me into eating non-healthy foods, I agree that one spoonful of something isn't going to make or break my diet but that one spoonful is permission to add a second, and then a third ...... you get the picture. This is a progressive disease which means you don't start back at square one with a relapse, you start where you left off when you began abstaining, add to that the shame and hopelessness of feeling like you have failed and you have a very combustible situation -- and it's just not worth it. 

The same scenario applies to my exercising. "I worked out yesterday so I can rest today right?" ---Wrong!  Exercising is like going to church for me, I might not always want to get up and go, but I always feel better afterward.

So this has been a week of tough love for me -- acknowledging my weaknesses and praising my strengths -- so far, so good!

 I have been praying for God's help with my weight for at least a year or two and I truly believe that He has lead me to the point I am at now...." Wow"! .... Be careful what you ask for!

I called places for water aerobics on Monday and scheduled an appointment with HMC Health club for 1pm that same day. I joined the club and had an appointment on Tuesday  for a fitness evaluation --- I'VE LOST 10 LBS SINCE FRIDAY (Yes I'm shouting and I'm not going apologize for it either) -- I still feel like I have sea legs after that work-out!  Then I was scheduled for a nutritional assessment on Wednesday and because of the "two shakes and a salad a day diet" it was a bit complicated but she set me up with an on-line fitness tracker (and so much more) that is pretty cool.

The eating is getting better. I had a raging headache for about three days from caffeine withdrawal (food is not enough huh doc?) but that has now disappeared. I am keeping a food diary and am using single serving packets of different flavors of the protein and rating the taste, so far I've only had one "yuck" so I know not to buy that one again! I am noticing the satiation with the shakes and am slowing waaaaay down on my eating times. It also seems to work best for me to separate my veggies and my meat on the salad part (you can either have a salad with 3oz. of meat or steamed veggies and 3 oz of meat) so in essence, I am eating (including the shakes and snacks) six small meals a day.

I had to order a swimsuit so I can't start the water aerobics yet but I did weights and this exercise with ropes that still has me hurting on Tuesday, went shopping for sweats on Wednesday and walked as much as I could, and today I did the bike and weights in the garden room. I couldn't find any sweats big enough so I'll have to order them too.

There has been times this week when I have felt ashamed of how big I am but I am trying to turn that shame into determination and keep going. I can't change the past that has gotten me to this point but I can do something about the future and that's what I need to remember today.