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I started again. I had a 1230 show time, procedure time was 1... turned into 230 ish if not later. I got home at 430. I was extremely groggy this time and slept off and on the rest of the night. I drank a ensure max, it took about an hour to finish it. The burning sensation was quite extreme this time. It improved after I took my pain mgt medication. I slept okay, woke up at 5. I think I'll stay home from work today. I'm sipping on a sf coffee, contemplating how I got here again. ???? I was 216 pounds yesterday. I feel like crap. I look like crap. I pray this helps. 6 weeks of full liquid. Return visit, another procedure then 6 more weeks, then another procedure and 6 more weeks. So = 18 weeks of full liquid diet. Can it include wine ???? ???? is there diet wine. ??????? 

Praying for 160 pounds ????

 

 

 

Ugh.. such a stressful life. I'm SO over it. 

I'm FAT. My bmi. Is over 30. It's depressing. Upsetting. Disgusting, and all that. Life hasn't been friendly in quite awhile, I've fallen back to food. I think I'm back into the bariatric program.. AGAIN!!  I'm Disgusted with myself that I'm here. AGAIN.  I met with the new bariatric team and I'm getting the acp? I can't remember what it's called. The doctor does an endoscopy and burns your stoma to restore the fullness, of which I have NONE. My high blood pressure has returned, my knees and back ache. Back story ... we lost our home in a flood and remained homeless for 9 months. My nephew was murdered, then my son in law died of colon cancer at 51 leaving my daughter a military widow with 4 children. My sister basically had a nervous breakdown after her son was murdered. My daughter lives in Japan as they're a military family.. now she has 4 kids to support in a foreign country. Life sucked for a long, long time. I'm struggling. I hate this. I don't like feeling like this. I'm sad and disappointed in myself..... what I said would never happen. Here I am..fat again.. please pray for me, I need to get it together ????

After numerous appointments, 2 endoscopy and meeting with the new bariatric doctors I was told a few months ago they would do the endoscopic acp... which is they burn around your stoma to make it scar & be smaller so you'll get the feeling of fullness again. I had it done this past Tuesday Oct 12

Easy procedure, it took a little over an hour.. you go home after recovery. Show time was 9am I was on the way home by 1130

I felt like I ate a bag of hot pork skins.. ouch, full liquid diet for 6 weeks.. at that time I go in for another endoscopy and depending on what he sees he may burn it some more... I'll take all the help I can get! I got home that day, my weight was 207 

When I did my follow-ups when the weight started creeping back, they said oh your weight gain isn't that much.. I was at 170.. then 181 .. then I kinda said screw this and I ate... and ate.. then up went the blood pressure. I had to start medication for that. Earlier this year I was getting shots in my spine and neck.. then a compression fracture.. had a kyphoplasty for that... found out I have osteopenia, sciatica and arthritis... pretty much it's constant pain daily of varying degrees of which I receive nothing for. 

I don't know if I updated much.. in 2018 we lost our home in a flood and remained homeless for 8 months while searching for someplace to live. We had to euthanize 3 of beagles... and find 2 a new home, we were able to keep 2 of our pack. 

We finally have our lives mostly on track.. and trying to keep it that way. Now I need to be on track. I feel awful.. between my weight, joints, blood pressure and all this other crap! Ugh 

I'm going to try to keep coming on here for inspiration to start this process all over.. feeling like a failure sucks.

Here I am 9 years post op, 20+ pounds of weight gain, I hate this, I'm fat, I'm jiggly, my clothes are tight..... I want to cry or scream. I wish food still made me barf.... but it's good again. I weighed today 169, 20 pounds more than what I want to be. I'm starting with the pouch test again and go from there, I got back on my eliptical machine I only did 1/4 mile but got my heart rate to 128.... we have family reunion in Sept.... I hope these pounds can be mostly gone by then 

I'm thinking that reading my old blog posts will help me out.....  

what the hell is with all my problems? i swear i am cursed this whole year! i have turned to my old friend sometimes....FOOD! dammit and i can kick myself in the ASS.  I recently went back to see nutrition, think i need back in with psyc. too.  The abscess i had before, it stayed gone about 4-5 months, it came back again, yes again! so after getting a cat scan or mri whichever with imaging.  It showed my abscess was HUGH! and trailed all the way from my tummy tuck site almost up to my boob, also along with that i had a scar revision.  So, when they did the TT and the scar revision from gallbladder surgery they used preline sutchers?? ho ever it's spelled.  The abscess was wrapped all along the sutchers.   So, surgery again to remove all of them.  Which left me with a hole bugger than a 50 cent piece that i had to have packed, irrigated 3 times a week, then 2 times a week.  Yesterday was my final day with that.  I officially have a real scab! I have to see my surgeon soon, and get hooked up with plastics about a scar revision yet again.  It left my belly kind of jacked up.  Well, during this time while i was home from surgery I broke my damn left foot!  So then i had a hole in my gut and friggin cam boot on, lovely. Then they had the nerve to give me crutches, if i cannot walk on 2 feet what makes you think i can use crutches? so i went a got a roller cart to put my broke foot on.  So this has been going on for maybe 2 months or more.  But...........before all this.  I went to my PCM to see about what i and she thought were planters warts on the soles of my feet.  So, she did the freezing thing.  Um, wrong idea....apperantly i must have been her first person she did this too or she was torturing me.  She gave me frost bite and chemical burns on BOTH feet.  By time i had got home both my feet were on big blister.  Then ahe gave me meds for pain i could not take.  I am opening a case with the Army about her neglect.  I had to end up going to the ER dept to get real "real" pain medicine! and i got to see a real foot doctor too.  Who came in to take pictures of my feet to show to other foot doctors! WOW...anyway....not plantar warts, clogged sweat glands.  This is why I think i am having issues with FOOD again! ugh....My husband is doing better, no cancer, no surgery, treatment with medication and diet.  He goes for a cartaroid ultra sound tomorrow.  They have to keep track of his blockages, they do not do surgery or stenting until you are maybe 80% he is at 65%-75%.  I am trying to get back "on the wagon" with these food issues, i can tolerate sweets,not good.  I feel hunger again now, i think, or maybe head hunger idk! it is making me crazy!! i did get to 156, and i hate it....i need to be 145 again...feeling depressed and upset with myself, mad at myself.  This cannot happen again.  Food just taste so good again, i wish i hated it like before damn.  If anyone reads my post/rant and can offer some help or ideas, it will help!

Well, it's been awile since i have writte on here.  It seems life gets busier after you lose weight.  My 2 sister in laws have been in sick, one had a heart attack and had to get a stent, the other one who is my age, had colon cancer last year....now it has spread to her lung and liver.  She went to Mexico for alteritive treatment and was doing well until last week.  On Aug the 12 my husband had a heart attack.....come to find out her also had pnemonia and some emphysema also.  After being in the military hospital for 3 days, they sent him to the civilain one for more treatment.  He had ct scans, xrays, bloodwork, ultrasounds and what not.  At first they thought a spot on his right lung was maybe TB, then pnemonia....now, we dont know.  He has to go for a brachcoscopy on monday and results that thurs.  The more i read about this test online, it seems they use it for lung cancer.  His doctor told us whatever it is, it needs to come out....they have mentioned cyst a few times then abnormality....I know how he feels about cancer, his dad had cancer and had chemo and radation for a long time....he suffered.  I know my husband does not want this.  I don't want him to be sick, i scared for him....his family.  His daughter just got stationed in Japan with her husband for 3 years, they have 3 boys.  He has a son in wv and one here local.  His brothers and sister are in Ohio.  His brother has heart problems, his mom died of a massive heart attack, when she was in her 50's my husband is 61, he has smoked forever, until this heart attack.  He uses his patches and his vapor cigarettes and is doing good, grouchy but good.  My daughter just moved out this month and got her first apartment.  I feel alone in this.  I am a awful worrier....now i have problems sleeping ans staying asleep i find myself waking up and listening for his breathing or snore....i just lay there and listen.  I know i am puting the cart before the horse, he has not had the test yet...i will worry myself sick.  I find myself wanting to turn to "old reliable" FOOD ugh....i gain 5 lose 7 gain 4 lose 9.....i cannot even imagine how i will be from monday-thursday next week.  I keep praying for positive results, he has a 2 highly skilled doctors who are top of everything...that makes me worry too..why are they hurring the tests? do they think it's cancer? are they being cautious? ugh.....just going nuts here, think i need to go see my psych :( from surgery, just needing to vent somewhere

Well, i cannot believe it has been 3 years on the 5th of May.  Some days i just want to eat to be eating, so i have to catch myself.  I am sticking around 140-150.  I did get up to 153 one day, I almost had a STROKE!! whew never again....i want to leave that person behind. I can tollerate sweets more, not a good thing.  I must confess over Easter it took me about a month to eat a bag of black jelly beans! WOW......most of the time i will get some dark chocolate and have a few bites.  I still wear a size 4 in pants and shorts.  In blouses sometimes a small or medium.  I love, love, love to shop!! but now i go to the thrift stores more, that way i can buy more!  I still am hooked on the same foods....peanut butter, peanuts, beef jerky, crackers, yogurt, protein bars and all those kind of things.  I still drink protein shakes 2 or 3 a day.  I have gone back on coffee!! whoohoo...i just love a good cup or 4 of coffee, but i use skim low carb milk and sugar free torani syrup.  I am still happy with my decision to have RNY and my tummy tuck! i would not take back on minute of it! even after the pain, dumping, infections, drains and limited food i can eat, this is way, way better! it has been 3 years and i have not been sick! ive had a head cold, but nothing like before! my asthma is under control more now than ever! But.....i still dont really exercise  i walk alot at work and i walk my dogs too.  I think if maybe i lived closer to the city it would be more convient for me, i csn use all the base gyms for free, they have classes, swimming, zumba and all kinds of stuff...by time i get off work, the last thing i want to do is exercise.  Then i have to be to work by 830am, zumba is later on.  Oh well, hoping walking will keep helping, I bought a trek bike last year and my gears slip...so now i have not riden in a long time and i live on a country road, the cars haul ass past me, surpised i have not been splattered yet.  I have done the pouch test about 4 times over the years.  It REALLY helps, i dont follow their rules per-say, i just kind of "wing it"  and have had great results! plus if you get the "snackies" i just grab a shake....Not much else to say!!  if you need any help or info, send me a message

Well, i decided to do this again, not really that i felt like i could eat more, but i was eating more often.  Not really junk..more nuts maybe more crackers, extra cheese stick, a few bites of candy at work. Then my co-worker quit smoking so she was always buying snacks!! (resist-resist)  Then i was snacking after 6pm...(bad girl) So i finnaly weighed myself, i felt "jiggly" OMG 149 WTH??? no way.  I refuse to get to 150.  So...i started the 5 day pouch test, i didnt really plan on it, so i made due with what i had here, protein powder, eas, slim fast.  My only exception is coffee, twice a day sugar free and with hood calorie countdown 2% milk.  I have been doing about 4 shakes a day, this morning i am 141.  I feel better now, but i think i will continue until i get to 139.  I have been drinking more water too.  This would be the perfect time to "pig out" too or rather go overboard, my one sister in law had a heart attack and died on the table, then they brought her back, thank God! my husband went the next day out of state to be with her, If anything got worse, i was going to leave fri or sat.  But she is stabilized has a good heart rate and blood pressure.....she had a catherization done and 2 stints in place....my husband was a nervous wreck and i was scared for her and for him and all their family prayers work! we've said a lot of them since monday.  Then my other sister in law who made it through colorectal cancer 2 years ago, was diagnosed with lung cancer....she is my age, she is set to have surgery soon, more radation, chemo...and a lot more prayers for her and her family too.  But it seems as if us "over eaters" our solution used to be food, but that cannot be my buddy now! I used to have xanax for situations like this but i'm out, sooooo.......ugh, i will make do, just hoping my family will be okay and have many many more years!! Just had to vent/blog! say prayers for my family please!! for Myra and Sheryl & family...THANKS!!! 

It's been since forever that I have been on here.  Things are going good, still maintaining between 140-150, still a size 4 and small or medium tops.  I do not have any food issues anymore.  I almost anything, i still eat maybe 5 or 6 times a day, little things, like beef jerky or nuts, peanut butter.  I still drink protein shakes everyday! I eat protein bars almost everyday, i love both of them so that is a big + I am doing the 5 day pouch test right now, i feel like i was getting to heavy and getting to close to 150 and i refuse to go over 150! never again! i have no weighed myself, but my clothes feel better.  Our bariatric program kinda fell apart after our surgeon left, then she came back, then she left.  We got a new man, he got deployed...they changed our support group during lunch hours, so that does not help! when i went after work, i slept...Had bloodwork done last week by my PCM, have to check on that and see how it is...It should be okay, my protein has been staying higher than before.  My tummy looks pretty good after my panni.  I wont be a "bikini model" but then i never was so, i happy with it.  I wish i could get boobs, arm lift and my thighs done...but thats all in my dreams! and way out of my reach unless i hit the lottery or something! and i dont play, so i cant win.  Holidays went well, think i ate too much and too often, but thats okay...i went right back to the same grind afterwards.  I have started drinking coffee, and it is LOVELY! oh how i missed it.  I used to get one starbucks a month.  Now i make my own in my keurig with sugar free syrup and hood calorie countdown milk and its just as good as starbucks, cheaper and less carbs! i really dont exercise besides walking...i need to do some butt lifts or something, i dont like my butt.  It is amazing how critical we are of ourselfs after surgery.  I still see me as fat, i stil feel fat, i look in the mirror and i dont feel like im a size 4, when i pick up pants in 4's to try on, i say oh these are too small...but then they fit.  I was talking with a lady over Christmas about chocolates and she said if i was as thin as you, i wouldnt worry about it!....and i wanted to say i used to be 268 pounds!! you just do not know!!

Well, i am finally recovered from my tummy tuck.  After getting a 3rd drain and a course of antibiotics.  Then i had one site where my incision opened up and it would keep leaking and leaking.  Finally they put some silver nitrate inside and like a miracle it closed up! why they didnt do this sooner i do not know.  My bariatric surgeon left for Charlotte and we no longer had a surgeon at our army base.  Alot of people were left hanging on the edge waiting for surgeries, that didnt happen.  So i am very lucky i got my tummy tuck in.  Now i am doing good, i got down to 135 but looked a little rough, now im 144, wearing a size 4 still, but i still see the fat lady! jeeze i wish she would go somewhere!