Bonnie M.
Diary of Activity
GP made referral to Dr. Yau Fall of 2003
Spoke to Melissa who advised me that Dr. Yau wasn’t taking on OHIP clients right now but for me to call back in June and check then
Received a call from Melissa in April 2004 inviting me to a seminar and consultation being held by Dr. Yau Saturday April 17, 2004 at 10 AM with consultations in the afternoon.
Asked Scott to come with me as spare driver – he was hesitant
Contacted Ev to see if she’d go with me so that we could go down and back the same day
Had great experience
BMI – Approx 350 lbs and 5’2” = 64.0 BMI
Range Meaning
Less than 18.5 Underweight
18.5 - 24.9 Normal
25.0 - 29.9 Overweight
30.0 - 34.9 Obese
35.0 - 39.9 Severely Obese
40.0 - 50 Morbidly Obese
Over 50 Super Obese
He described 3 procedures 1) Gastric Bypass 2) Lap Band 3) Mini Gastric Bypass
First one is covered by OHIP and has a 4 yr waiting list. The third one is partially covered by OHIP but they won’t cover the cost of the Band – 5000.00. The second one is not covered at all by OHIP and costs 15,000.00. It is done by laparoscope and done normally in a clinic setting rather than hospital
During my consult because of pre-existing health problems – MS and pre diabetes he said they may want to do any procedure in hospital rather than clinic
Info package given as leaving
To call if interested to be put on waiting list
April 26, 2004 – Called Dr. Yau office and spoke to Ramona. Asked to be put on waiting list for Gastric Bypass and Mini Gastric Bypass
June 9, 2004 – House sold – money in bank - All debts paid in full
Called Dr. Yau office and spoke to Melissa re: time frame for Lap Band waiting List. States she has a vacancy August 12, 2004 at 11:30 AM. Told her I’d like to think about this and call her back.
June 10, 2004 – Didn’t sleep the whole night having made the decision to invest the profit from the house in my health. Once the decision was made, I wanted to get on with it. Left Melissa a message at 6 AM requesting August 12, 2004 appt. She had reviewed the questionnaire I had completed at the seminar and told me she would consult the Dr. to make sure he didn’t want it done in hospital rather than clinic.
June 11, 2004 - Voice message from Melissa – 5:23 PM
Spoke to Dr. Yau - Better candidate for procedure to be done in hospital
Secretary Jane will book date for surgery as well as the preadmission date, which would be 2 weeks before the surgery for tests and to meet with the anesthesiologist and nurse to prepare for surgery
Web site - http://members.rogers.com/pyau/ - Canadian Centre for Obesity Surgery
June 14, 2004 - Melissa states the Jane tied up and not likely to get back to me re: surgical date until Wednesday
States Dr. Yau is currently booking into the end of July so that my surgery may not be delayed but actually sooner
Will wait to hear from Jane
Forgot to ask if this would increase the price beyond the 15,000.00
June 18, 2004 – Call from Jane – surgery scheduled at Scarborough Grace Hospital for July 20, 2004 – moved ahead by 3 weeks from when it was going to be done in clinic
Will be in hospital overnight
Have to go for pre-op testing July 8, and take the certified cheques with me. One cheque to Dr. Yau office at 1 pm in the amount 6285.00. Then off to the hospital - Scarborough Grace Hospital - Pre-admit appt Nurse at 1:45 PM - Anesthesiologist 3:30 PM - Certified cheque for 8715.00 for 15,000.00
Asked Ev to come with me for the actual surgery. Offered to pay her hotel room for the night. She agreed. I can hardly wait now. It is so hard. Once I make a big decision like this, I want it done now or yesterday would be even better.
I know this is going to clean out my nest egg from the house but if I don’t do something I’m not going to be around long enough to spend it on something stupid anyway.
This whole pursuit started after reading the ‘diary’ of another Canadian who had surgery with Dr. Yau a couple years ago. Jennifer-anne Coulter. Her thoughts are very honest and very raw at times.
I’d like to dig out a picture to put on my site so that as the weight comes off it’s a reinforcement
June 24, 2004 – Told my friend Scott last night that my goal with this surgery is to be able to ride a bike without the seat getting lost in my butt. He laughed, but part of me is serious. I’ve been making fat jokes in reference to myself for so long (before others could) that I’m tired of it. I don’t want to be the funny fat girl anymore
June 25, 2004 – I haven’t shared my surgery news with too many people. It’s none of their business. I don’t want to hear how much this will help the MS. Yes, it may, but if the nerves are conducting the impulses it doesn’t matter how much weight is involved. It may help the fatigue in that I won’t be carrying as much weight around. But how much of the fatigue is weight related and how much is MS related ? I guess we’ll find out.
Went to pharmacy today and got the liquid Gravol and the pill crusher.
I will be happy if I can get down to 200 lbs. My ultimate goal would be 150 but that probably isn’t realistic. 200 lbs seems much more realistic. I so much want to be able to shop in normal stores or at least normal fat stores rather than the jumbo fat stores. I want to be able to slide into a booth without worrying if I will fit in. I want to be able to sit in a movie theatre or a stadium seat without hurting so bad I want to cry because the arms are digging into my sides and thighs. I want to be able to ride a bike without calling attention to myself or having to dig the seat out of my butt. I want to be able to walk thru a turnstile without getting stuck. I don’t want to have to check out the chair for width before I sit in it or worry it's going to collapse under me. I want to be able to walk up stairs rather than having to use my arms and railings to pull myself up. I don’t want my first reaction even internally to be ‘what the F--- you looking at a—hole’ when I see someone looking at me for longer than a passing glance. I want to be able to sit on the floor and get back up. I want to be able to cross my legs or sit cross-legged on the floor. I want to be able to wear shorts or a swimsuit and not scare someone. I want to be able to wear lingerie and feel sexy. I want to jump a special guy and take advantage of him without being concerned that he can’t breathe. If I have to, I want to be able to sit in a regular wheelchair and fit. I don’t want to have to move the drivers seat as far back as possible and still reach the pedals because my belly is in the way. I want to be able to perform my personal hygiene without contortions. I want to know without question that I smell clean all the time, not just right after a shower.
June ?, 2004 – Call from Jane – Sx. delayed to July 28, 2004 same time as before
July 8, 2004 – Had appt to drop certified cheque off at Dr. Yau office. Melissa asked if I’d sign a consent to have my photo used with face showing, name etc. Fully clothed so sure. Went to hospital – Scarborough Grace to pre admit and then meet with nurse and anesthesiologist. Pre-admit asked for cheque. Met with the nurse, Pat. Very nice. Went over all the info with me. May have a morphine pump after surgery. She told me not to worry about nightgown or housecoat that the hospital has the appropriate sized clothing. Told me I’m on the weight borderline so may not have a bariatric bed. Clear fluids the day before surgery and then nothing after midnight. Can have a sip of water to take my one pill in the morning but will hold other pills. Have to be at hospital by noon. Surgery 2 PM. Will have to go to admitting and then change into gown and have IV started. Will then be walked to the OR and helped up on the table. She took my BP 99/67. Never been that low. Weight 350 so down 9 lbs from April. Had blood drawn and ECG and chest x-ray done. Then met with anesthesiologist – introduced himself as Matt. Came right from OR – still in cap and mask. Close to 3 hrs later than scheduled but what was he going to do leave the OR while he’s the one keeping the pt alive while the surgeon operates. Had my book with me so I was fine. Another pt waiting wasn’t so calm. I was thinking he was kind of cute –streaked hair and really nice eyes. Didn’t look so cute after he said to me ‘if you were my Mother I’d want this for you’ I gave him a really hard time over that one – I am NOT old enough to be compared to his Mother – sister maybe, Mother NO. He told me that he’d like to have a bed ready in the ICU for me as a safety precaution. Said there is no way of knowing until I come out of the anesthetic. I told him I take anesthetics well and come out quickly. He had me sign a consent to obtain the anesthetic report from my surgery in 2000. If I have to go to the ICU, I’ll be in hospital 2 nights or more. Don’t want that. Want to be up and moving around in my own room ASAP and back into my own bed the next day.
July 13, 2004 – picked up baby spoons and dish and no spill cups so can’t gulp water. The baby spoons are to ensure I don’t eat fast. A meal is supposed to last 30-45 min. Not to drink fluids with meals. Also picked up a bottle of mag cit to ensure bowel is empty before surgery. Plan on taking one Friday and then repeat Sunday. Plan to be on clear fluids Mon and Tues both. Not nervous about the surgery just anxious to get going. Need to make a list of clear fluids to pick up. Apple juice low acid – ginger ale flat – chicken or beef broth – Jell-O – low cal drinks - popsicles
July 19, 2004 - Finally found a place that has clear fluid protein drinks - SND (Sports Nutrition Depot) no sugar or fat and has 40 gm of protein. Bottle looks to be 16 oz. and comes in grape, fruit punch and tropical punch. 4 pk. 16.99 CND. They also have the shakes for the full fluid diet portion. Really concerned about getting as much protein as possible to prevent hair loss. My hair is very fine as is; I don't want to be losing any.
July 24, 2004 - Did the bowel routine - Oh what fun!!!! I think I have 'ring around the bum'
July 25, 2004 - 3 days to go. I feel like a little kid. Just 3 more sleeps. Confirmed Ev will be down Tuesday afternoon. Guess I had better get the spare bed cleaned off of all the canned goods, broth etc. Hand wrote out my will with the appropriate changes. Personal Care and Financial Powers of Attorney and Living Will still stand. Packed my overnight case, extra pillow ready just going to take a book rather than buy an audio one I'd probably sleep through. Still have to clean out the pantry and get rid of foods I can't eat ever and put to the back foods that I'm not able to eat for a while. I can hardly wait, my new life is about to start and the old one can fly off somewhere.
July 28, 2004 - day of surgery - drove down in the morning - was admitted and then off to day surgery. Was there about 11 AM. Surgery was scheduled for 2 PM but didn’t get in until after 4 PM. Had IV running into my left hand. Had inhalation treatment. Was given heparin to prevent clots. Tried to read, sleep - whatever. Ev stayed with me and did crosswords and read and talked. She stayed through the surgery and talked with Dr. Yau after the surgery and then waited until she could see me in ICU. I was really ticked off when I woke up in ICU. I was counting on being discharged the next day but who has ever heard of someone being discharged home from ICU. I figured I’d have to stay another night on a general surgical floor and be discharged the day after. The nurses brought Ev in to ICU but didn’t make her leave. They were letting her stay as long as she wanted because I really didn’t need to be in ICU, it was the anesthesiologist that had booked me in …just in case because of the MS. By the time Dr. Yau got out of the OR and changed, I was already in ICU. He had planned for me to go to general surgery. There was no point to dirty another bed so he left me there. Ev stayed until I told her I was really tired so she went to the hotel.
They gave me morphine 2 mg IV which really didn’t help the pain and I developed a really bad headache. They gave me another 2 mg IV of morphine. I asked for ice pack for it and the nurse offered to call for an order of Tylenol. I thought the ice pack would do the trick because it usually works. It didn’t.
The nurses got me up to sit on the commode while they changed the bed, gave me a sponge bath and clean gown. I couldn’t pee even though I’d had an IV running for 8 hrs.
They gave me another shot of morphine at bedtime 4 mg IV. I developed another bad headache so morphine and I don’t agree with each other.
Took me a while to get comfortable. Had to get over onto one side. The pillow in front of my abdomen really helped. It took me a while to get comfortable but I did it and then slept off and on. There’s a lot of noise in ICU. They kept checking me because my BP was really low. They also informed me that I have mild sleep apnea. When I was awake my oxygen concentration was 98-99 and when I slept it dropped to 93.
At 3 AM I had to get up to pee and I went. I bet they had me catheterized during surgery for my bladder to be so empty at 11 PM with all the IV fluids I’d had. I’d been rolling from side to side in the bed so I was able to get myself up on the side of the bed before the 2nd nurse arrived to help the first nurse getting me up. In reality I didn’t need either of them.
They kept offering me morphine and I declined because of my headache. The nurse got an order for Tylenol extra strength crushed it with applesauce and shoved it in my mouth. The Tylenol took the headache away and took the edge off the pain which the morphine didn’t do. Anytime after that they asked me if I wanted morphine for the pain I asked to extra strength Tylenol. They offered me Demerol as well but I knew from the ablation that Demerol didn’t work at all.
The nurses wouldn’t say I was going to be discharged the next day. Just kept saying wait for the ICU Dr. to make his rounds.
July 29, 2004 They had to do repeat blood work on me and couldn’t get a vein. 4 nurses working on me. Right hand both arms and left foot. Ended up taking it out of the IV tubing.
I saw him making his rounds and he just stuck his head in and was backing back out. I said I want to go home before he could get away. He reviewed my blood work and told me I had to have repeat blood work by my GP because it was low in a couple areas. I told him they took it from the IV and it was probably diluted but agreed to have my GP do a repeat.
The discharge order from Dr. Yau was for Demerol by mouth. From the pain management course I had taken I knew that oral Demerol was as useful as 2 ASA. I asked the ICU Dr. to write a Rx for either Percocet or Tylenol # 3. He wrote it for the Tylenol #3 - not really surprising.
Was getting concerned because Ev hadn’t gotten there yet. She had phoned in to say she was on her way but nobody passed the message on. She got there and I got myself dressed minus my bra because of the one suture line right where a bra band sits. Went to cashier to make sure I didn’t owe anything and because I was in ICU I didn’t have to pay for the private room upgrade.
Ev got my Rx filled at the drug store at the hospital and picked me up some liquid Gravol as well.
Off we go with my pillow over my abdomen. She tried to take the speed bumps slowly and on an angle. Not good, discovered it was better to hit them straight on. Less jostling of the body. Didn’t stop on the way home even though I had been told to. I just wanted to get home.
Stopped at the vets and picked up Peanut and then headed home. Stayed up for a bit and then went and laid down. Closed the bedroom door to keep Peanut out so she couldn’t jump on me. Sleeping with the pillow across my abdomen really comfortable. Will be sleeping with door closed for a couple nights so Peanut can’t jump up on me. Ev will be staying until Tuesday (Monday is a Civic Holiday)
July 30, 2004 - been home almost 24 hrs. Had the surgery on the 28th and spent nite in ICU and then convinced then to discharge me yesterday. Sore but because it was done by LAP not anything like a full-blown surgery. Sitting here sipping my 1/2 cup breakfast of juice - already had my Jell-O. Couple of incisions warm and pink - let the surgeons office know yesterday - Got a call from my GP to advise me my last fasting blood test definitely put me in the Diabetic category but that now with the surgery it should all be ok.
July 31, 2004 - Had my first shower since the morning of the surgery. Talk about Heaven. Stayed in there about and hour just letting the water run over me (I have a shower chair so I was sitting not standing) Ev drove and we exchanged the protein clear drink I didn't like, picked up my Rx and then had to go to another drug store to get the first aid supplies to change my dressings. I wanted to see what was under everything and how it was healing. Can't take he nurse out of me. Went grocery shopping and found more sugar free and fate free or sodium-reduced products at a different grocery store I had never been at before. I was pretty pooched after this but it got my exercise in. Incisions held together with steri-strips alone, no sutures although the incisions may also be glued together, and reinforced with the steri-strips. Got most of the old tape marks off and wiped the incisions with alcohol. No stinging at all. Let them dry then put on new steri-strips. There was no discharge from any of them at bedtime so didn't cover with gauze. Starting to get itchy around them so Lanacaine and I are going to be best buds for a while I can see that.
Aug 1, 2004 - far less pain, moving around much better - No problem drinking all the fluids. Feel much closer to normal but still not doing cartwheels. (didn't do cartwheels before the Sx. either) Had a bout of watery stool more watery liquid than anything but then I had done the bowel routine prior to surgery. This happened at bedtime without a lot of warning.
Aug 3, 2004 - Had 3 bouts of above around 6 AM. Had to take Lomotil to get it to stop. OK the rest of the day. No problem eating.
Aug 4, 2004 - Again major bout of above around the same time. What am I doing wrong? Finally put a message on the July surgery message board.
Aug 5, 2004 - called surgeons office – talked to Melissa. Apparently, even though I'm taking clear protein drinks there isn't enough of anything to create anything other than watery stools. Apparently, once I’m on full fluids things will improve greatly. What a relief.
Aug 8, 2004 - Weighed in at 331 this morning - down 19 lbs surgery date July 28 - 11 days - I'm determined to do everything right this time
Aug 23,2004 - on full fluids now. Delayed the progress from clear to full by almost a week to get my clear broths that were opened finished before starting on the full. Try to drink my Isopure - 40 gm protein every day - don't always succeed
Weighed in at 322 lbs this am. First fill scheduled for Sept 10, 2004. I would love to lose that 22 lbs before my fill but that's not realistic so I'm aiming for another 10 lbs.
Sept 12, 2004 - had my first fill this past Friday. Interesting procedure. Met a fellow there that had lost 188 lbs and was at his 1 yr anniversary. Just something else to give me hope. I've now lost 40 lbs and will be starting the pureed foods Monday. Had to do 2 days of clear fluids after the fill.
Sept 16, 2004 - Doesn't feel like I have any restriction in my stomach. I can chug water like I always have. Don't have a full satisfied feeling. I'm concerned that the fill didn't take or that there is a problem with the port or tubing.
Sept 19, 2004 - Still no difference. Haven't lost any weight. Just moving between 309 and 311 with no rhyme or reason. Decided to call the office and leave a message for Melissa about my concerns
Sept 20, 2004 - Message from Kathy from Dr. Yau office. I'm booked in for a fill 10:30 AM Sept 24, 2004. Decided since I'll be driving myself I'd go down the night before so booked a room at the Howard Johnson’s that Ev stayed at the night of my surgery.
Sept 23, 2004 - Checked into hotel. Brought my oatmeal and pudding for supper and a protein drink for the morning.
Sept 24, 2004 - Got turned around on Woodbine Ave and headed north out of city. Was getting into country like setting before I realized what I had done and turned around. Got to the hospital and checked in just before 10:30 AM. already a full house. Fellow John from Windsor. Teased him that he could have picked me up on the way by. He has lost 125 lbs and appears to be still over 400 lbs. He has to have plastic surgery to have the abdominal apron removed so that he can walk. He had track pants on and his abdomen was hanging in the one leg and looked like it was almost down to his ankle. Can understand why he'd have a problem walking with it in the way. Also met a girl Debbie from St. Thomas. Exchanged names and numbers so that in future if we need a fill at the same time we could travel together. She had her surgery 5-6 yrs ago with Dr Joffe. She was one of the 'first six' as was Kathy who is taking Melissa's place for a month. Debbie had her band emptied for plastic surgery and was ready for it to be refilled.
Finally got called for my turn. He couldn't get to the port with a regular 1 1/2 inch needle this time so had to use a 4 inch needle that looked like a needle used for spinal taps. I wonder if he got as much in the last time as he thought. Also told him I thought I was not feeling well last time because of the amount of barium I had to drink. He made sure I only got one shot this time which is still 1-2 oz of the barium. I could feel the tightness this time. Completely different feeling than last time. Went out and started sipping my water. It was really uncomfortable. Felt like I had a golf ball sitting in my chest and then it would gradually go away as the water drained through. Talked to a couple old pro's and it was basically if you can tolerate it keep it the way it is and if you can't then have some removed. Again I tried to tough it out and in fact missed the Dr leaving while he was talking to another patient. Kathy was good enough to chase him down and send him back. He tried to find the port without the fluoroscope because it was in use and couldn't so we had to wait. He told me because of the depth of the port I would always have to have my fills at the hospital under fluoroscope. He had to use a 4 inch needle again. some fluid drained out before he got the barrel on it so I asked him to re-inject a bit to make up for what ran out because that alone took the pressure off. I have restriction now and can't gulp water or eat fast. If I do it's like it starts to back up and isn't comfortable. He told me 2 days clear fluid and then into regular food. I didn't argue with him but I'm not starting regular food until the baby food is gone, which will be a while.
Sept 28, 2004 - Finally got on the scale this morning and I finally dropped to 308.4. I was beginning to think 309 was going to be it 'cause the scale wasn't budging'. So we're off and running again, well maybe not running but close. The Bandsters Bash is this weekend coming and I'm really looking forward to it, especially the swim. My BMI is 56.3 down from 64.
Sept 29, 2004 - Saw the GP today - weighed on her scales at 306. Even though I've lost 44 lbs my clothes still fit fairly well, so haven't needed to go buying new ones. Not yet anyway.
Oct 5, 2004 - 305 lbs - BMI 55.8
Attended the Bandsters Bash in Toronto this past weekend and had a great time. Actually went swimming and socialized in the hot tub. No one has seen me in a bathing suit for years. The suit turned out to be too big especially after it got wet. Had my first real food. And got to dance too. Could only handle one fast dance otherwise I would have needed the walker but got 3-4 slow dances in which was really nice. Swimming and dancing were always my favourite things and I got to do both this weekend without feeling out of place or judged because although we are all at different levels, we are all the same.
Oct 27, 2004 – weighed in on GP scales at 295 lbs but I know they weigh 2 lbs lighter than mine
Reviewed blood work. Everything normal except alk phos and even it was 20 points down from the last blood work. BMI – 54 - down 10 points from 64 at 350 lbs
Nov 9, 2004 - weight 292 lbs - total 58 lbs down. Clothes starting to get loose. Have to keep pulling pants up - great feeling
Nov 10, 2004 - weight 291.2 I hope this means I’m off that plateau and starting to lose again although I know it wouldn’t be as significant as initially, as long as it’s steady. My stomach is starting to look like a deflating balloon. It looks like it’s hanging lower and is wrinkled up a bit.
Nov 15, 2004 - Well the scales say 289.6 this morning so another milestone passed
Nov 26, 2004 - Down to 286.2 - My lowest weight in the last approx 15 yrs has been 283.2 back in July 2001 - almost there
Dec 4, 2004 - weight 283.4 …… so close - minus 66.6 lbs - BMI - 51.9
December 13, 2004 - Weight 281.6 - Have now surpassed my lowest previous weight
December 28, 2004 - Weight 277.8 - I not only hit my 70 lb goal by Christmas Day but have surpassed in by 2 lbs now for a total loss of 72.2 lbs. Time to do measurements too. Have now lost a total of 64.5 inches. Highest amounts lost in the bust (7”), waist (6”) and hips (10.5”). BMI is 50.8 now. (starting BMI was 64)
January 26, 2005 - Weight 270.2 lbs - Just a hair shy of 80 lbs lost. Feel good physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. After all these years (25+) I am returning to my spiritual health and am attending a non-denominational church where there are Saturday early eve services as well as more traditional Sunday morning services. The Sat. services consist of a Pastor in jeans and a band (keyboard, guitars, drums). Music wasn’t something you could ‘rock’ to way back when. This surgery has been the start of a new life for me in so many different ways it’s almost scary. I knew I was serious about losing weight and becoming more healthy physically but who would have ever thought it would expand to so many other areas. I know in life we can never stop growing or we stagnate. I always looked at it in more of an intellectual aspect. Keep up with the new advances in nursing and research on MS etc. This has had a snowball effect that definitely is good. I’m not afraid to speak up. I have something worth saying and being heard. Topics I’m passionate about like Accessibility for the Disabled, you can’t stop me. In fact I’m making a presentation to the Standing Committee of the Ontario Government about the new proposed ‘Accessibility for Ontarians Disability Act 2004’ (AODA 2004 - Bill 118) Feb 3, 2005. I am spreading my self a bit thin (if that’s possible - lol) and have to be careful not to cause a flare up of my MS because of not getting enough rest. Things are going well. I’ve bought a few new clothes, have shrunk some other ones and have inseams you wouldn’t believe on others. Most people check the wash label to follow it. Not me. If it’s dry clean only or wash in warm and don’t tumble dry. I throw it in hot water and then in the dryer on high and it comes out about the right size. Still occasionally have to take the inseams in. Do wish I had paid attention in Home Economics when they taught sewing. Oh well that’s life. ‘Necessity is the mother of invention’!!
February 14, 2005 - Happy Valentines Day - Down to 267.4 lbs so 82+ lbs off. Was teasing my friends 12 yr old daughter this past weekend that I have lost 2 lbs more than she weighs. Everybody is happy that I'm doing well and I'm ecstatic. Not bad for 6.5 months. Haven’t done my
measurements lately. Really want to wait until I hit 250 lbs to do that. Clothes haven’t changed a lot recently. Still have to use the walker for my balance but am definitely walking faster all the time. The GP took me off the cholesterol med but told me not to be disappointed if I have to go back on it. She keeps reminding me that 80% of cholesterol problem are genetic and 20% dietary. I’m hoping to surprise the heck out of her and have my blood work come back ok before I see her again and NOT have to go back on the med. If I have to I will. It would just be nice to only be on meds for the MS and nothing else.
March 9, 2005 - Saw my GP - Blood work is ok and I can stay off the cholesterol meds. Bonus - surprised the heck out of her - down to 265.6 so 84.4 lbs gone and did measurements and have lost 82”. Is that not just the BEST !!!!!!!!!
Everything is heading south especially my belly. I need a belly bra - lol. This is great. This surgery has been the ‘jumping off point’ for me to work on other aspects of my life as well and do some real healing of wounds. Mine and those I’ve caused. I told the Dr. that the surgery was the best thing that ever happened to me. She just looked at me and shook her head and told me the surgery didn’t happen to me that I happened to it. I made the decision to have it. It wasn’t something that randomly happened. That too is a good thing to remember.
July 12, 2005 - Haven’t been keeping up on my journaling. Need to back to at least monthly updates. I’ve been sitting at 251 lbs now for about 6 weeks that’s 99 lbs off. I’ve dropped 2 sizes in my tops 5x to 3x and about ½ size in bottoms because of belly. Bought a panty girdle at Pennington’s to try to hold my belly up and together. Without it, to put a pair of pants on that fit properly, it looks like I have 2 butts. One in the back and one in the front because the centre seam of the pants cuts my belly fat in half and looks like a butt as well. It’s annoying but still a sign of improvement and nothing’s better than that. Been getting more hugs lately with comments like I can really hug you now and get my arms right around you. I’ve always loved hugs and it was a compliment not a condemnation for what was. In fact he has already marked the weekend of the Bandsters Bash off on the calendar. So he’s planning on being there and I didn’t ask him. So I guess he’s part of my journey. I have to be more vigilant re: my exercises inside, since the heat is too much for my MS to do outside walking. I also haven’t been attending yoga regularly for the same reasons. Worst though I’ve been eating things like ice cream because it’s so hot out. Great excuse. Now it’s time to get real. I’ve been eating too much of it too often and of course it slides thru the band so easily. Too easily. So get a grip and stop it altogether. I obviously cannot control amount or frequency so I’m not entitled to it. It’s not that I’m depriving myself of it - but that I allowed myself to abuse the privilege so the privilege must be removed until control can be regained. This ‘little’ ice cream escapade has resulted in a gain of 6-7 lbs. I haven’t been eating properly (three meals a day). It’s so hot I’m not interested in food then I come back to my air conditioned apt and fight myself until bed. Sometimes I win sometimes I don’t. Thus the gain.
Aug 1, 2005 - New month - no more BS. Back on track mentally and physically. It’s hard to keep focused. I keep asking why did I sabotage myself with the ice cream, other than because I could. I think some of it has to do with people reacting to me differently. More attention from the male population, some who have known me for years. I get angry because I’m still the same person I always was, there’s just less of the physical me. I wasn’t good enough before but I am now? It angers me that people judge from the outside. It always has but more so now. I think I’ve hit one of those walls that has to be broken down and readjust my thinking so that I’m not sabotaging myself. I started this to get healthier and to use it to get healthier in all parts of my life. I need to concentrate more on my physical self right now and less on the others to refocus. That’s going to tick some people off but I think that’s the only way to get fully back on track.
Weight 256.8 - BMI - 47