bmalsup
December 04, 2007
Baby steps. That's where I'm at now. I attended a support group meeting, as my surgeon required as part of my pre surgery routine. I've taken one of the two nutrition classes geared toward gastric bypass patients. The second one is this friday, so then that will be out of the way. The only thing after that would be the psych. consult. My doc didn't put it in the computer system right, so I had to call him and walk him through it, well his nurse actually. ( Thank goodness the receptionist at the psychologists office told me all of this!) Hopefully it's in right and will be approved by the beginning of next week, so I can make that appointment, and that will be that. I can then get on the list!!! I'm hoping the list won't be too horribly long. Hubby is either going to Iraq in March, or he will be going to school to become a warrant officer, which is a pcs so we would be going too. I've heard that some docs won't operate unless the spouse is home, so that worries me a bit. My mother will be here to help, and my kids are pretty self sufficent, so maybe that would help. Anyway, that's where I'm at now!
November 11, 2007
This weekend has been a rollercoaster in regards to the surgery. Saturday night, the husband and I had a date night. We went to a concert and had an incredible time. I just kept thinking that I would love to do this more often and make the most of my life, and how this surgery would help me do that. I even got a bit vain and thought that the next concert we would go to, I could wear a cute top like I saw alot of other "skinny" girls wearing. I know I'm doing this for my health, but that sure would be a nice "side effect", ya know?
Then after the concert, the what if's began to creep into my mind. What if I don't come out of surgery ok? What if I'm one of those that have multiple surgeries after the procedure? I don't want to be a burden on my husband, even if he wouldn't consider me one. What if the baggy skin that will inevitably follow (I will try to work it off, but still) will turn me off, let alone my husband.
This morning it got a bit worse. My husband got up early and made a big breakfast: pancakes, eggs (over easy..yum), toast, and bacon. He loves to do this for me, and I love him doing it. I realize that this will have to change. It will be a long time before I can enjoy any of these foods, even in moderation. When I finally am able to have a bit of eggs, they will have to be scrambled.
I begin to realize how much food plays a part in my every day life and it scares me to death to give that up. I'm ready to change my life, but these second guesses are driving me mad.
However, just reading what I have written makes me see the part that food plays in my life, and how if I don't have this procedure, try as I might, I will keep this vicious cycle up until my health is the thing that suffers.
I guess I'm saying that I'm beginning to have the "food funeral" early, mourning what I will be missing the most. I guess it's not the food, but the time spent with loved ones that is usually around food and I'll have to find another way to get that fix. :)
As for the fears about surgery and the complications after, I think I'm prepared. I know that it's natural to fear the unknown, but I think I'm prepared and I'm willing to do all that I need to do in order to make this work. I know that this is a tool to help me change my life and my relationship with food. It's ultimately up to me to get my "head in the game".
November 09, 2007
I just returned from the Dr. office. He was happy to make the referrals and seemed genuinely happy for me. I was in and out within 30 minutes. The only downside, however, was that for the second time in a row, my blood pressure was high. When I first started researching the surgery I had no co morbidities, just shortness of breath and pain in my knees and back. I did have gestational diabetes with both pregnancies and I wanted to make sure that I don't get type II later in life. However, with the blood pressure increasing, there is no doubt in my mind that my weight will one day be the cause of my death, if I continue down this road without changing my life drastically.
I tried calling the Psych Dr. to make an appt now that the consult is in. The receptionist took a message and said that they would return my call. Here's hoping all this can be done and over with by the 7th of Dec (the day of my last nutrition class) so I can be put on the list!
UPDATE: Just got a call from the Dr Cofield's office (the psychologist) and they are waiting on authorization from tricare. As soon as that is done, we will be good to go and make an appt!
November 08, 2007
I made a follow up appointment with my PCM for tomorrow. I was shocked I got in so soon. He asked me to make one so hopefully he won't be like "Why are you back so soon?" LOL I need him to put in a referral for the nutrition class (I already have them scheduled because the lady was that nice, but so the insurance doesn't freak out, I need the Dr. to put in the referral) and also for the psych eval. Then I can make that appointment. I should be on "the list" by the middle of December. The lady at General surgery said the wait time is approx. a month after you get on the list, so I'm looking to be having surgery in January!!
November 07,2007
Last night, my husband opened up about the surgery. He's not as sure as I am and told me he would help me diet if I wanted to give it another try. What he doesn't understand is I've been researching this for over a year. Back then, I decided that I hadn't exhausted all other methods. I put wls on the backburner and tried again to lose weight on my own. I lost 20 pounds, but gained it back and then some.
I wouldn't do this to myself unless I was committed and convinced this was the best thing for me. I am very afraid of surgery, but I've researched the doc I will be using and feel confident in his skills.
All in all, he supports me and understood where I was coming from (as much as a man who has never had a weight problem can). I'm hoping that he will feel a bit better when he goes to a meeting or two with me.
I'm glad he opened up, because for a while, I didn't think that he cared or thought that this would really happen. I know his opinion matters, but it's just that. Ultimately, I make the final decision, and I choose to save my life.
November 06, 2007
The nutrition classes are booked!! November 30th and December 7th!! It's all coming together. I'm still trying to find info on a local support group. If I can't find one, there is one about 30 miles away at the end of the month. After that, all that's left is the psych eval. I'm hoping to get a referral from my Doc. next week for that.
I'm a pessimistic person. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. I know that I qualify through tricare's standards, but I keep thinking something will come along and mess this up. I can't wait to be able to climb a flight of stairs without feeling like my heart is leaping out of my chest.
November 05, 2007
I can't believe I'm finally beginning my journey. I've been overweight since I was a child. I feel like I am on a constant diet/gain cycle. I've been researching weight loss surgery for over a year, and I finally feel like I can make an informed desision.
Two weeks ago, I visited my doctor, prepared for the fight of my life. I had written down every attempt to diet, all my past successes (and the subsequent failures), and what my weight was doing to my life. He was very supportive and put in a referral for surgery.
I'm currently in the process of going to all the appointments that I need to go on in order to get put on the list: I need to attend two nutrition classes geared specifically towards gastric bypass, I need to attend one gastric bypass support group meeting, and I also need to have my psych eval. done. From there I will be put on the list! It's apparently pretty short now, so I could be having surgery in January!
Talk about a NEW YEAR!!
