Deanna34

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Woo hoo!  I'm overweight!  I'm no longer obese!  Gosh, can it be possible that I'm so excited to be overweight???  Hee, hee!

I now weigh 182.25 pounds for a total loss of 125 pounds.  I just cannot even fathom that I've lost 125 pounds.  Can it be true?  I still look at myself in the mirror and see a 300 pound person.  If I catch my reflection in a store window, I see a small person.  But if I intentionally look in a mirror, I can't see the loss.  It's hard to explain!  

My sagging skin is getting so bad and I'm finding that it's much more emotional than I thought it would be.  It bothers me a lot.  Mostly because my chest skin just sags and hangs and my cup size has actually gone up!  My stomach skin is really bad too.  I will desperately need reconstructive surgery but my insurance won't pay for it.  I don't know what to do.  I could easily fit into smaller clothing if it weren't for the skin.  And it gets in the way of exercising too.  I want to jog but my chest is too "long" that is just kind of flops around.  And my stomach skin flaps too.  I'm having trouble finding a bra that is small enough around the rib cage but large enough in the cup size.  Ugh!

Overall, I wouldn't change a thing.  I am so excited to finally feel energetic and alive!  I want to go do things now ... before I would find excuses to hide away in the house.  Now I'm proud to go out and be seen ... I'm still timid but I'm getting over that.  I'm just excited that I have a whole life ahead of me to live!  I want to experience everything life has to offer!

Well, I'm already 7 months post op!  I can't even believe how quickly the time is flying by!

I now weigh 187.75 for a total loss of 119.75 pounds!  WOW!  I'm wearing a size 12 jeans and a size large or x-large top.  It's so fun to be able to shop in the misses sizes!  I went into Lane Bryant the other day and everything was too big.  What a bizarre experience that was!!!

I'm finding it easier to eat more lately which scares the dickens out of me.  I don't want to revert back to my binging episodes!  

I'm going to the gym regularly and I'm even taking Spin classes and a power weight lifting class.  It's fun to try new things!  I'm still trying to work up the nerve to go rock climbing ... still a little worried that people will laugh at me!  I need to get over my fear and just go do it!

I went up to Portland for my 6 month post-op visit yesterday.  It was so exciting!  

I now weigh 193.25 pounds and I've lost 114 pounds.  My body fat percentage went from 46% down to 28%.  They gave me a goal weight of 175 ... at first I thought that was a bit high but at 175, my body fat percentage would be 21% which is healthy.  If I were to go lower than that, it would put me in the "athletic" category.  I just don't know if that is realistic for me or not!  But I think I would be happy at 175.  I'm currently wearing a size 14 and I'd love to get down to a size 10.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be so close to my goal by now!

Well, I did it!  Today I am 6 months post-op and I made it under 200 pounds!  I'm 196.75 pounds and I've lost a grand total of 110.50 pounds!  Wow!  

I can't even begin to fathom being under 200 pounds.  To me, I still feel like the 300+ pound woman I was earlier this year.  I look in the mirror and still see my prior self.  I am now wearing a size 14 jeans and a part of me feels like someone is putting the wrong tags in my clothing.  How can I possibly fit in a size 14?  I went and bought a new jacket yesterday in a size Misses Large (12/14).  How can that be?  I hold these clothes up and they look so tiny and every time I hold my breath to put them on because I would swear they wouldn't fit.  But they fit!  I wonder if my mind will ever catch up with my body?

Even though my mind still sees me at 300 pounds, I can feel the difference in my body.  I can run up a flight of stairs.  I can work out for 2 hours at the gym and feel good.  I can wear jeans that button and zip.  I can sit in the bath tub and have plenty of water around me instead of stopping it up on both sides.  I can fit comfortabley in seats and boothes.  I can wear pantyhose!  I can easily tie my shoes or paint my toes.  And I can cross my legs!  It just amazes me ... so many things that "normal" sized people take foregranted.  I love all these things!  I love finding newfound abilities everyday!  Life is grand!!!

I'm now down 103 pounds! I weigh 204.25 pounds and I'm just dying to get below 200 pounds! It seems like it's going to take forever. At the gym last night a personal trainer approached me and actually asked me how much weight I've lost! He said he noticed that I'm even smaller since last month and he wanted to know if I was on Biggest Loser or something! Ha, ha! It was nice to have a perfect stranger notice me and acknowledge my weight loss. I felt so very proud! Last week I went to the gym and took a Spin class. Me! A Spin class! Never in a million years would I imagine myself doing that but I did it! Life is grand!

I've lost 100.25 pounds!!!!! Oh my gosh, I cannot even believe it!

Yesterday I was at Walmart and about to make the trek across the parking lot and all the sudden I realized how light and free I felt ... I felt a spring in my step! I felt elated that I was walking up a slight hill and didn't even feel held back. It's no wonder! Those 100 pounds were really holding me back!

I'm so proud of myself ... 100 pounds! That is so much weight and I never ever want to put that back on!

Last week at TOPS I gained half a pound. I was just heartbroken! But something felt "off" that day and that evening I dumped REALLY bad. And wouldn't you know it, the next day I was down a couple pounds! So I worked really hard this week and last night at TOPS I lost 5.50 pounds for a total loss of 97.75 pounds. I got my 95 pound button! I now weigh 209.50 pounds. I am so close to my 100 pound loss mark. What shall I do to honor it? I don't know. I just want to do something special for myself because I deserve it! I really deserve it! One hundred pounds is a lot of weight, a tremendous amount of weight.

A woman I knew growing up called me recently and told me that her daughter is going to have gastric bypass surgery. I'm so happy for her because I know it will change her life! Anyway, this woman sent me a card in the mail yesterday and in it she told me that my Mom would be so proud of me. It made me cry to read that because I truly hope that is true. I wish she was here to see me (she died 8 years ago)! I know she always wanted me to lose this weight and now I'm doing it! The part that makes me happy is to think that these 100 pounds will NEVER come back. Once I get below 200 pounds, I will never know what it's like to weigh over 200 pounds again. I am completely committed to that. I know that after surgery people can gain their weight back but I refuse to let that happen. I don't know yet what my final goal weight will be. But I know that I'll never weigh more than 200 pounds again EVER!

I am now down 93.75 pounds! I have almost lost 100 pounds! How can that be? I look in the mirror and in my eyes I still look the same as before my surgery. I tried on a "big" outfit that I saved that was the outfit I wore to my first appointment at the Obesity Institute. It is so far beyond big and baggy. I can't even believe I used to fill out that outfit! I just cried and cried when I put that outfit on because it makes me visually see how far I've come! And I'm sad for all the time I lost as that heavy person. Look at all I've missed out on! I don't ever want to be that person again. I love putting on my new jeans that button and zip. I can fit into chairs and booths now. Men hold doors open for me! I just feel so much more alive! And I thank God every day for making this surgery available to me!

Good grief, it's been a whole month since I updated! How time flies!

I've now lost 80.50 pounds! I am utterly amazed. When we were at the gym the other night, I picked up a dumb bell that weighed 80 pounds and I was shocked at how difficult it was to lift it. Here I had been walking around with those extra 80 pounds all day every day! I still have a long way to go but I feel so much better already!

My eating is still going okay. I can tell that I'm starting to be able to eat a little bit more than I had been before. I've tried bread type products a couple of times and they don't sit well ... they feel really heavy and they just don't taste good to me anymore. I'm really going to try not to eat bread anymore; I don't need it! I'm still struggling to get all my protein in each day. I have an appointment with the dietician this afternoon so hopefully she'll give me some pointers! I'm only getting in around 700-800 calories per day so we'll see what she says about that!

I've been going to the gym 5 times per week and I even worked up the courage to go to water aerobics! I've gone to 4 classes now and I love it! I had to order a new swimming suit because the first one I got is way too big on me now. I'm now down to a size 18/20! Wowweee!!!!!

I'm obese! I'm obese! I am no longer Super Morbidly Obese! I started out with a BMI of 50, which put me in the Super Morbidly Obese category. Last night at TOPS I dropped enough weight to put me in the Obese category with a BMI of 39.3. I have lost a total of 62.75 pounds! WOW! I am just so thankful to not be morbidly obese anymore.

I'm still doing okay with my soft foods. I did fairly well for a week and then had another foamy throw up episode yesterday. I also indulged in a sugar free pudding after dinner last night while I was watching TV and it made me feel so full. I sure don't like that feeling anymore! I'd much rather just not eat anything extra because I don't like the way I feel physically when I've eaten a little too much. Right now it's easier on me not to eat than it is to eat. Eating makes me full or gurgly in my tummy. I could only hope this feeling would last forever but I know it won't!

I've been going to the gym now for a couple weeks and I'm starting to enjoy it. I even ordered myself a swimming suit so that I can go in the pool. I'm trying to work up the courage to go to a water aerobics class but I'm sooooo chicken! I know I'd do okay once I was in the pool but getting from the locker room to the pool by walking past everyone is a huge nightmare to me! I just don't know if I can do it or not! I know there is really no reason not to ... even if someone does snicker at me, does it really matter? I know I'm there doing this for ME, not anyone else. If they don't like to look at me, they don't have to look. It's just my whole insecurities getting the best of me!