Deanna34

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Here I am, 6 weeks post-op already! I'm surprised at how quickly these six weeks have gone.

I'm on a soft foods diet right now. It seems like I can eat one thing one day and the next day it may not sit well. I think that sometimes I eat too quickly and then I get that heavy feeling that something is stuck. But I am so glad ... I just am beside myself with gratefulness that I had this surgery! I went to my TOPS meeting last night and found out I lost 6 pounds this week! I have lost a total of 51.75 pounds! A little bit of that was my required pre-op weightloss but it all counts in my book!

We are doing a "1 week trial membership" to the Courthouse gym this week. We're supposed to meet with the Fitness Coach again on Friday to go over our workout plans. But in the meantime, I went to the gym by myself yesterday and rode the exercise bike and walked on the treadmill. I was so proud of myself for going because I really had to force myself to do it. I feel really out of place and embarrassed to be there. But I keep telling myself that no one has any right to judge me ... afterall, at least I'm there doing something about it!

I'm really feeling quite elated today! I'm just so happy with my overall weightloss! Over 50 pounds lost! I keep wondering what it would feel like to hold five 10-pound bags of potatoes! I know it would be really heavy! I truly am grateful that I was able to have this surgery ... it is going to work for me! I just can't imagine being below 200 pounds ... but it's going to happen, I just know it! And I cannot wait!

I'm 3 weeks out from surgery. I'm struggling a bit with the pureed food phase! Pureeing meat makes it really grainy in texture which makes it hard for me to get down. I ended up ordering some Optisource protein drinks which are the kind they gave me in the hospital. I just couldn't choke down any other protein drink without gagging! My energy levels still aren't 100% but I guess that is to be expected.

It's amazing ... I had done a lot of research before surgery so I thought I'd know what to expect. It's just a lot different when you are really living it though! Eating is so difficult ... nothing tastes particularly good and I always have a full sensation in my stomach. Which makes drinking water really hard! But I'm getting through ... I know everyday will bring new opportunities and I'm really grateful that I had this surgery. I know my life will be changing for the better and I'm really excited about that!

I'm 4 days post op! Wow! I never imagined I would get to this day. I ended up getting sick a couple weeks before surgery so nothing tasted good to me. That was hard because I wanted to indulge in the last few meals that were my favorites. I did end up going to the Roadhouse for a NY steak and loaded baked potato! Yum! Then I had to follow a clear liquid diet for 3 days prior to surgery. That was difficult but easy at the same time ... hard to explain! What I mean is that it's much easier to do than I ever realized ... physically your body is able to tolerate it quite well. But mentally you are constantly thinking of food and smelling it and just wanting any ole thing to eat! I remember thinking how consummed by food that my life has been. How many times I reached for something and ate it without even realizing it. Those 3 days on the liquid diet really gave me an opportunity to reflect on my past relationship with food and how desperately I want that to change. I don't want to constantly be thinking of food and planning my activities around it. There's much more to life than food!

Anyway, my surgery went well and I've been home a couple of days now. The gas is horrific! I have gas pains like you wouldn't believe and the rumblings coming from my belly sound like big trucks starting their engines! It's so loud that my dog even barks at it! Luckily that is starting to ease up a bit. My incisions seem to be healing nicely ... the largest port is the most sore but that is to be expected. Today I find that I'm not quite as tired as the previous days. I must be on my way to recovery!

I find myself getting really excited to need smaller clothing and to have more energy. I'm excited to see how quickly the weight will come off ... I'm just thrilled to be here and so thankful that everything went so well!

Wowee, lots has happens sinced my last entry!

I went in for a second sleep study so that I could try out a cpap machine. This time I made them give me a sleeping pill because I wasn't going to lay there waiting to fall asleep like last time! They gave me an Ambien and I was out like a rock! I slept for 7 hours straight without moving or even noticing the cpap machine! I got the results back and they said the cpap machine worked for me. I go in this coming Monday to get my machine! I'm actually kind of excited to get it because I'm curious if it will help with my daytime sleepiness. I never in a million years imagined I would have sleep apnea! My husband used to snore like a chainsaw and fall asleep everytime he sat down. So I knew full well he had it. But I don't snore all that bad and I never fall asleep during the day like he did. So I was truly amazed! But I'm anxious to see if I'll have more energy after using a cpap.

I also had an appointment with the Dietician at Legacy and I lost my 15 pounds! She set me up with an appointment for the class that she teaches before surgery on what to eat, etc. That is set for April 25. She also gave my information to the insurance coordinator to submit to Regence.

After that, it took a week and I heard back that Regence approved me for surgery! WOWWEEEE!!! My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, May 9th. I am so excited that I can hardly stand it! I just feel so grateful and relieved that all my hard work has paid off. It's amazing to think that in just over 3 weeks, I'll be on "the other side." Amazing!

I went back and read my personal journal that I started over a year ago. I realized how many excuses I've made and the pointless attempts to lose weight. I firmly believe that I will never successfully lose weight unless I have surgery. I'm not trying to say that having the surgery will cure everything. I know it won't. I know that a lot is going on psychologically in order for me to maintain this weight. So I know that won't go away after surgery. But the surgery will give me a tool to work with. I will lose weight, exercise more, and work on the emotional reasons behind why I eat. I know I'll probably have to visit with my Psychologist even after surgery. But I'm prepared for that. I know that I need to give 100% in order for this to happen. But I'm excited too! I'm excited to think about making those changes and becoming a new person. Or becoming the person that is currently hiding behind all this fat. All I want is to feel normal … to wear normal clothing, to do normal things. I'm tired of hiding. And I guess what is what it comes right down to … I've been hiding away inside this house and inside this body. I've become introverted and afraid. I don't want to be that person anymore!

I really have a lot of hope for me. I really feel like I have given up on myself in order to let myself go this badly. But I have a new lease on life. I'm going to take every ounce of hope that this tool is going to give me and I'm going to run with it. I know that down the road I'll probably hit plateaus or run into situations that make me want to give up. I am hoping that by reading my journals that I'll be able to get past that.

***** So, if this is ME reading this down the road, don't give up! You have come way too far to give up! There are so many people who would give anything to have this surgery that you have been so lucky to receive. Don't waste it! Remember how you felt ... remember how bulky and cumbersome you used to feel. When you were sitting in a chair and bent over, remember how the rolls of fat impeded you. Remember sitting in the bathtub and feeling like you were stopping up the water on all sides. Remember how nervous you were to try and ride amusement park rides. Remember how difficult it was to tie shoes and that wearing slip-ons was much easier. Remember how hot and sweaty you were all the time. Remember how much you wanted to ride a horse but couldn't because you were too heavy. Remember how tight the seats felt at a movie theatre or concert hall. Remember outgrowing the largest plus sizes in the stores. Remember your daughter asking you to chase her in the yard and you couldn't run. Remember your shins and calves aching when you walked. Remember your feet and ankles swelling like crazy after walking through the shopping mall. Remember scanning a room for the largest chair to sit in. Remember going to Wallowa Lake and not being able to sit in the green plastic chairs at the cafe. Remember how much you wanted to run, jog, hike, bike, ride horse, climb mountains, etc. Remember ... that used to be YOU! You do NOT want to give up now!!! *****

Quite a bit has happened since I last updated. I went for a sleep study and that was a nasty experience! The technician told me my hair was very thick so she really had to slather the glue on to get the electrodes to stick. And boy, they hurt my head when I was laying down! I couldn't get to sleep at all. I felt like I layed there just trying to get to sleep for most of the night! She told me that I slept enough to get data on me though so apparently I slept more than I thought! She also told me that I showed moderate sleep apnea. Not good! I don't really want to have to use a cpap machine! My husband has one too so I guess we'll both having dueling cpap machines at night!

I also got a call from Legacy saying that I needed to come in for a consultation with the surgeon. I was quite shocked because I'm only 1 1/2 months into my 6 month wait as required by my insurance company. But she told me that the insurance company changed their minds about the 6 month waiting period and decided to leave it up to the discretion of the surgeon. Wow!

So I went to my consultation with Dr. Hong yesterday. He was very nice and I really felt comfortable with him. They weighed me and I found out I've lost 10 pounds so far! I have 5 more pounds to lose and then they will submit my paperwork to Regence and wait for approval. I have an appointment with the Dietician on April 3rd and I'm hoping to have lost my 5 pounds by then. I have to be really, really good because that isn't all that far away!

I feel like I'm all wound up tight right now! Everything just started happening really quickly now. I'm super excited but also scared and nervous at the same time. Such mixed emotions!

I had my meeting with Kelly at the Obesity Institute yesterday ... I lost 6 pounds this month! Hurray!!! I was just elated! She was really happy with my progress and said that my next goal should be to keep my nightly snack to under 200 calories. That is so tough for me ... I just love to get the kids to bed and sit on the couch with my husband and snack while we watch TV. Kelly totally understood this so she said not to try and quit doing that, just limit the calories. So I'm going to try it and see how it goes. I have 9 more pounds to lose in the next 5 months. Shouldn't be a problem!

I've been getting up early every morning to walk on the treadmill. It's so nice to get up before anyone else is up. It's quiet and I can get my exercise in. I've worked up to walking for 22 minutes which is a huge accomplishment for me!

Well, I have 2 weeks to go until I meet with the Nutritionist and get my weight checked. I've lost about 3 pounds so far this month. But I'm really floundering right now. I think all the candy at Valentine's got the best of me! My "goal" for this month was to eat a scheduled snack in the afternoon of no more than 250 calories because I tend to graze in the afternoons when I put the kids down for quiet time. I still haven't gotten a handle on that! So now I have 2 weeks left to try harder and accomplish that goal. I'd really like to lose another 3 pounds before I weigh in again!

I had my first set of appointments and boy, am I glad that is over with! The psychological test was easy but long. I had a major headache after that one! You would think they could put some nice artwork on the walls in that room or something ... instead they sit you in a green room and sit you at a desk that is super close to the wall. That along with 600 questions is enough to give anyone a headache! I really felt very sane after that test though!

Yesterday I went up for my second set of appointments. I felt very proud to find out I passed the psych test! Ha, ha! Now I just need to check in once a month to get my weight checked ... I need to lose at least 15 pounds and wait the 6 months before we can submit my paperwork for approval. I can't wait! Right now it seems that 6 months will creep by. Hopefully I can get into a good "groove" towards losing my 15 pounds.

I guess it's been awhile since I updated ... I attended the informational class at Legacy with Dr. Hong. I liked him right away ... he seems really nice and he has a lot of experience. He seems very young!

I waited til January 1st and sent my application into Legacy. I called them this week and they had my paperwork and they set me up with my first set of appointments! I am so anxious ... nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time! I finally got some information out of Regence that they will cover my pre-op workups as long as they are done at Legacy. Whew! I'm just glad to finally get started! I am aiming for sometime this summer to hopefully have my surgery.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm going to tell my family and friends. Not many people know I'm trying to have surgery and I want to keep it that way for the time being. I just don't want to have to spend the next 6 months answering questions about why I'm doing this. I know people will be concerned about me but I just want to keep it private. I'm not sure how I will tell them one I decide to. Is it best to just send a letter out to everyone? I just hope the next six months fly by!

I have tried numerous times to call Regence (my insurance company) and I've asked them which programs they consider "Centers of Excellence". They are extremely hard to get information out of! They keep telling me that they don't have all the information in place yet. Well, they are going to cover this procedure shortly, shouldn't they have that figured out yet?! Anyway, the only answer I can get is that Legacy might be my only option. So I decided to attend an informational class at Legacy given by Dr. Hong. So I'm impatiently waiting for that class which is on November 17. I just can't wait!