Heidi S.

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 Trial and Error with Insuin

Yesterday Bg went low after lunch shake so decided to try no need at lunch. Two hours after unch it remained the same as before lunch at 6.6, now 3 hours out from lunch it's 8.5. I need to have a little insulin at lunch tomorrow and some with supper shake tonight not just the met like ast night. Oh well still better then it has been in the past.
Just found this online - Bowel retention -- because one is not allowed or otherwise unable to use the restroom (WC).  Creates a condition similar to over consumption.  This may increase blood glucose. 
also I could be entering Ketosis

 Woke today to the lowest sugar levels in a long time 5.8. WOO HOOO. I cut back in all my insulin today. Looks like I have to cut back even further on my lunch needle as my sugars just crashed. It's actually been suggested that I cut it out all together. WOW is all I can say, I went from 18 units to 9 then 7 today to none tomorrow. WOW. Lets see what the supper one does at 7 rather then the 9 yesterday and 18 before that. It's going to be so nice not having to jab myself.
I'm getting beack my energy today. I actually did the laundry, went for a walk and thinking about scrubbing the floors (my whole house is hard wood). I'm so happy right now.
Oh Wow didn't take insulin with my supper shake, just metformin and sugars are good. Wooo HOOO

 After my sugar lows yesterday I cut back on my insulin even my long lasting one last night. So far my numbers are staying good. I feel tired today and a little depressed (have meds for that) but I'm not fighting head hunger like I was yesterday and not having as many 2nd thoughts about being able to do this. I'm sure as my night hunger stage kicks in I will think other wise lol. 
Will update later today or tonight how things go.
Sugars are still staying good and getting lots of water and power ade zero in. Was worried I was getting constipated but it's now the total opposite.
Day 2 I have already reduced my insulin in half and cut back on my metformin and tomorrow I have to reduce lunch and supper insulin even more. Wow what a difference

 Today went well. Had two low blood sugar readings while trying to getting insulin worked out. Hoping to get it under control quickly. I read other posting on OH that other were told to half the amount of their fast release insulin, I plan on doing that tomorrow to see what happens. I had a bit of a head hunger challenge today. I'm proud of myself that I fought it off. A few times I wanted to pick up the cell and BBM hubby that I couldn't do this and find all the food I could to eat. I fought that off as well. 
While watching TV (thank goodness for  the PVR) even fast warding the commercials I noticed that 90% of them are about food. No wonder there are so many over weight people.
I need to head to the pharmacy to pick up Metamucil pills before I end up in troube.
Lets see what tomorrow holds. One down 13 to do.

 12 Days from today is my pre op appointment. Next trip to Toronto will be for my surgery. YAY !!!! 
I'm a little less stressed today because over the weekend I figured out where we were going to get the extra money from for Ed to have the time off work, (since his vacation pay is on every cheque). We had forgotten all about our locked in RRSP's until we got the statement in. I just finlled out the forms needed to have some unlocked. It feels so much better not having to stress about money now. That and what we have saved we will be comfortable while in Toronto and when we get home until Ed's next pay cheque. 
The money we unlock we will replace by the end of the year, but the majority of it will be paid off when I recieve my Northern Travel Grant money. 
So excited and can't wait for the big day. 

 Got my call from Debbie, Dr. Aart's secretary, for my pre op appointment for July 30th. It came the day after she called to inform me that I was given the incorrect date when I met with Dr. Aart. Another step closer to the big day. I was so happy when she informed me that I would be having Dr. Aart since my surgery date was changed. Debbie couldn't apologize more for the mix up in the dates but I made her feel better when I told her it's ok I wasn't expecting my surgery for 2 months when I met with Dr. Aarts.
Now the count down is on for Pre Op then to my August 29th surgery. I start Diabetic Boost August 14th. I'm actually looking forward to it. Have a great long weekend everyone.

 I just finished what I call my "just in case" letters to my family members. They caused me to sit and reflect on life and put things in order. The reason for doing these letters is so we will all have some closure. When Dad died it was so sudden (10 minutes after he went to bed), he wasn't sick or anything and we didn't get to say good bye. All the letters but one are saying good bye and thanking the individual. The one letter that isn't a good bye it's more of releasing what I've been wanting to for over 30 years. It's a letter to my brother, who molested me for years when I was younger. I told him how I felt at the time and how it caused things in my life as I got older. I could finally get it all out. I've been wanting to write this letter for a long time but never did. I think I might send him this letter after the successful surgery. I think it's really something I need to to in order to have a successful second chance at life that this surgery is giving me. Some may not agree with me sending it and some will agree we all have our own reasons to agree or not. This brother isn't really in any of our lives, even my mother's. I think it's funny that with everything he did to me in the past he can't stand up to his wife in order to see his family. Dad died 2 1/2 years ago and he has seen my Mom 3 times since after the funeral. After writing this letter I didn't free so much anger inside of me I could actually feel it slowing leave me with each line but I really want him to know what he did to me mentally and physically. I want him to know that I've never forgotten, I remember everything thing he did and said to me.
Writing these letter made it an emotional, tiring day.

 On September 6th, 2011 I had my Orientation at TWH and on June 22nd, 2012 I got my surgery date with Dr. Aarts at TEGH for July 18th, 2012. WOW 10 months and 12 days from my Orientation and 13 months approx. from my Referral date.  I went into my surgeon apointment expecting it to be atleast a 2 month wait not 26 days. I think I'm still in slight shock lol. Today I went and got a few things for after the surgery, (liquid multi vitamins with iron, liquid Calcium with vitamin D and some good premade protien shakes with 23g of protien), I still have to get 7 more packs of premade Diabetic Boost for my pre op diet because I'm allergic to Opti. I start the pre op diet on July 3rd, I still get to celebrate the long weekend like always, this time it will be evn a bigger bash. LOL. 
This morning I also booked our Suite, (500 square foot), it has a full kitchen, a seperate living room, a seperate bedroom, a pool for hubby and our own balcony. The place is called Hotel Inn Furnished Suites. I will let everyone how it is when we get there on the 17th. 
All I keep saying is WOW now 25 days away WOW!!!  

 I'm so confused and don't know what to do. It doesn't have anything to do with the surgery. Ed and I have had a pretty strong relationship. Yes, we have had our bumps but got out of them. It's been rough the last few months since his froends Rick and his girlfriend Anne Marie came into his life, more so Anne Marie. I know he hasn't phusically cheated but he has through testing and using blackberry messanger.She tells him the most personal things. They are constantly on it. I have confonted him about itall and it does no good. Rick has even confronted her about it, still didn't do any good. I know Rick and Anne Marie's relationship is suffering as well. 
Ed, Rick and Anne Marie all work together as truck drivers. I test or message Ed to see where he is or for something else, I get not response so I message her and she will either tell me right away where he is and what he's doing or she says hold on I will ask and within seconds she has a response from him.  From the beginning of him messaging with her I was concerned because he always got a smile on his face as soon as he saw the message was from her and he still does. 
I have confronted her about this as well and the flirting they do when together, even in front of Rick and I. That didn't help either. Last week when I got into bed a few hours after Ed he called me by her name, that has sent me right over the edge. 
I haven't been truely happy since she came into his life. I love and hate him at the same time. Rightnow though the hate part is in the lead. 
She is now looking at houses and saying she wants to buy one. Fine but she isn't asking Rick about the houses and other things she's talking to Ed. This started yesterday. I'm just so lost. I want to kick him to the curb.
I think if she bends down infront of him one more time with her thong showing I'm going to take and pull it up over her head so he can get a good look.  Every weekend pretty much is spent with at least one day or  night with Rick and Anne Marie in person and the rest of the time with Ed and Anne Marie messaging each other. It's all just becoming to much for me to handle.

This just brings back a lot of undealt with problems from years ago when we were living in Lively and bot working for the same company and I found out from a customer I had to deal with in Thunder Bay that she liked Ed and she wanted me to talk him into staying there the weekend for her birthday party. That she would like to celebrate with her friends and in private with him. I guess I put a bit of a damper on it when I said I was his wife. Again I confronted him about this and he said it was all harmless and nothing happened. When I asked him why he never told her he was married he never answeredme not even to this day. So I  don't know what to believe abotu that and I don't no what to make out of this situation with Anne Marie.
I think I need to get away for a bit and think this through. This is not going to change my mind abotu surgery. I still want to live a long and healthy life with or without him.  I have a lot more support then just him.
OK U think the rant is over for now. 

 Again, I couldn't sleep the other night and I ended up watching TLC network and Half Ton Mom came on and it really made me see why I need WLS. Renne fought for 12 years to get someone to do WLS on her and when she finally found someone to do it she passed away 2 weeks after the surgery. She went into cardiac arrest, she was so large that the Doctors couldn't revive her. I'm not even close to her 840lbs but heart desease does run in the family and with this extra 100lbs on my 5'3" frame puts me more at risk. I want to live a longer, healthier life. 
I'm trying to find ways to prepare my family for the risks with the surgery but none of them want to listen. I'm the type that has to have everything planned out for the just incase. Everyone thinks I'm insane but you never know. Don't get me wrong I'm not fixated on the negative I'm thinking positive all the time and know nothing will go wrong. 
This wait can kill a person with the over thinking everything.