InternetAngel
Update
Aug 21, 2010
Well...heres an update. I am STILL size 18!!!! FRUSTRATED beyond belief! I caved in my relationship and asked the person I was with to move back home.
My parents are coming to visit me on Monday. I havent seen my mom in over a year. I am nervous about seeing her since my WLS.
People have stated that I look like I have dropped some weight, but I dont know. I need to kick myself in the ass and lose this last 70 pounds or so.
I am still working the same job. I have been working only graveyards now. That helps with my sleep pattern. I have been working way to much lately. I am tired and want nothing more to than just sleep on my days off.
So, not too much has changed. I have applied for financial aid to go back to school online. We will see how that goes. Kids go back to school next week. I am happy about this. Will help with my food bill*lol*
Thats it for now. How has everyone else been?
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My parents are coming to visit me on Monday. I havent seen my mom in over a year. I am nervous about seeing her since my WLS.
People have stated that I look like I have dropped some weight, but I dont know. I need to kick myself in the ass and lose this last 70 pounds or so.
I am still working the same job. I have been working only graveyards now. That helps with my sleep pattern. I have been working way to much lately. I am tired and want nothing more to than just sleep on my days off.
So, not too much has changed. I have applied for financial aid to go back to school online. We will see how that goes. Kids go back to school next week. I am happy about this. Will help with my food bill*lol*
Thats it for now. How has everyone else been?
Change is inevitable
May 12, 2010
Well the person I have been in a relationship with for the last 6 years is moving out in a few weeks. I just cant live like this anymore. I love them, I do. I am just so tired of feeling resentful and angry. I am upset because I feel like I am the only one paying the bills. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to myself. I am more worried about my youngest son. This person has raised him since before he was 2. This will be a bigger change for him. I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I dont want to fight, yell or be angry. I just want to BE. This will be a big adjustment. I know they are thinking I am leaving them for someone else. I am leaving to be with myself. Maybe this doesnt make sense.
On a different note, I replaced my Nintendo Wii on Monday. Decided I would get the Wii Fit out of the closet. Let me just tell you, I am the hoola hoop queen!!!!! I had alot of fun. It measured my weight, BMI and let me set my goals for the week, or month. Of course my oldest son doesnt want me to cancel my gym membership*lol*
So, thats whats going on with me today. On one hand I am sad because this part of my life is changing, on the other, I am looking forward to standing on my own. I am woman, hear me roar!
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On a different note, I replaced my Nintendo Wii on Monday. Decided I would get the Wii Fit out of the closet. Let me just tell you, I am the hoola hoop queen!!!!! I had alot of fun. It measured my weight, BMI and let me set my goals for the week, or month. Of course my oldest son doesnt want me to cancel my gym membership*lol*
So, thats whats going on with me today. On one hand I am sad because this part of my life is changing, on the other, I am looking forward to standing on my own. I am woman, hear me roar!
Update
May 08, 2010
Well my weight loss is slow to nil. I cant complain I guess. At least I have kept off what I have lost so far.
Same job, same hours. Nothing has changed. Thinking about taking a week off here soon to visit family in Idaho and Washington state. A change of pace would do me good.
How has everyone been? How is your weight loss coming along? Sometimes I think I should have gone with the gastric bypass instead of the VSG.
My new saying- IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Stay strong, take care.
Not too much change
Apr 14, 2010
Well there hasnt been too much new going on with me. I am down another 5 pounds. The scale hadnt moved in SO long. Talk about frustrating! Still working at the Prison. Still a Captain. I was actually thinking about stepping down from this position. I changed my mind. Go figure!
The weather here has sucked! I guess I am just being negative lately*lol*
I am so trying to get my sh*t in order and get back on track. I have been watching what I eat more closely. I want to see the scale move. I want to achieve my goals. I SO want to get to 199 even though its not my goal weight.
I need to start going to the gym*lol* I am going to commit to 3 days a week. I was going 7 days a week and I just got burnt out. Maybe I have ADHD.
Anyone who says that getting this surgery was taking the easy way out is WAY wrong! This is one of the hardest thing I have ever done. People need to be reminded that this is a tool, not a miracle. I am not someone whos pounds just melt off like you read on some websites. I really have to work hard at it. I get frustrated reading some peoples posts when they talk about their weight just melting off. Dont get me wrong, I am happy for them. I just want to be happy for myself too*lol*
Well, enough about me. How has everyone else been doing? Does anyone out there have any issues they would like to share? Is snacking a downfall for you? Are you exercising like you should be? Do you see a difference in clothes sizes? Are you happier?
Hit me up sometime!
1 comment
The weather here has sucked! I guess I am just being negative lately*lol*
I am so trying to get my sh*t in order and get back on track. I have been watching what I eat more closely. I want to see the scale move. I want to achieve my goals. I SO want to get to 199 even though its not my goal weight.
I need to start going to the gym*lol* I am going to commit to 3 days a week. I was going 7 days a week and I just got burnt out. Maybe I have ADHD.
Anyone who says that getting this surgery was taking the easy way out is WAY wrong! This is one of the hardest thing I have ever done. People need to be reminded that this is a tool, not a miracle. I am not someone whos pounds just melt off like you read on some websites. I really have to work hard at it. I get frustrated reading some peoples posts when they talk about their weight just melting off. Dont get me wrong, I am happy for them. I just want to be happy for myself too*lol*
Well, enough about me. How has everyone else been doing? Does anyone out there have any issues they would like to share? Is snacking a downfall for you? Are you exercising like you should be? Do you see a difference in clothes sizes? Are you happier?
Hit me up sometime!
Changes :)
Mar 12, 2010
Well, I just thought I would log on and update a little info :)
I went to WalMart to try on a new pair of jeans. I have been in desperate need of some new ones. I tried on a size 20, they were a little big! I tried on an 18, they fit PERFECT!
I decided to get rid of all my clothes that are too big. It was bittersweet.
I cant believe I have gone from a size 26 to a size 18. It's weird, ya know, to myself, I dont look different. People say I look thinner, but I dont see it.
Anway, I just wanted to share my news.
Have a good weekend everyone!
2 comments
I went to WalMart to try on a new pair of jeans. I have been in desperate need of some new ones. I tried on a size 20, they were a little big! I tried on an 18, they fit PERFECT!
I decided to get rid of all my clothes that are too big. It was bittersweet.I cant believe I have gone from a size 26 to a size 18. It's weird, ya know, to myself, I dont look different. People say I look thinner, but I dont see it.
Anway, I just wanted to share my news.
Have a good weekend everyone!
Update
Feb 23, 2010
Well hello everyone! I see that it has been awhile since I have updated anything here. Sorry to keep you all in the dark. I have been somewhat depressed and have questioned my surgery. I have been mourning food so much lately. I am slowly coming to terms with this.
I was having a stall for a little over a month. It SUCKED! The scale has finally moved! FINALLY! It was really getting frustrating. Its hard not to focus on the numbers on a scale, but I was doing it and it was driving me crazy.
I have changed pant sizes. I notice that my clothes dont fit very well. This makes me happy. I havent wanted to commit to buying anything new yet. I have approx. 90 pounds left to lose. The love interest in my life brought home some summer clothes for me. They were a size 20. I was like "These are NOT going to fit". I was pessimistic about it even before I tried them on. I grumpily put them on, AND THEY FIT! I was shocked and amazed. So, I have gone from a size 26 to a 20. That says alot to me :)
People where I work have been noticing I have been losing weight. That is a great confidence booster. I guess its hard for me to think of myself as losing weight. I havent weighed 235 for years and years. I can remember when I was told I was pregnant with my youngest son, the DR said I was 255. Thats the last lowest weight I remember. I have surpassed that :)
SNACKING. This is an evil, evil thing for me. I try so hard not to snack. I DO get feelings of hunger. This makes my eating impulse SO hard to deal with. I am thinking about possibly seeking a Psychologist and getting back into Cognitive Therapy. Maybe this will help. I did sign up for a meeting for the Surgical Weight Loss Group at the hospital where I received my surgery. Maybe this will help. I am hoping for something to help.
My work schedule really sucks! I work 2 weeks days, 2 weeks nights. This really mess with trying to keep on a good eating plan. I notice when I work graveyards, I graze alot more. I have thought about looking into a new job. I LOVE my job, dont get me wrong. I am thinking though that I need more of a regular schedule. Have to think about this more.
Well, thank you all for listening to me everyone. I hate to ramble on and on. I have just been dealing with these demons, and not very well. Sometimes I dont feel I have anywhere to turn to. No one in my family is aware of how this surgery has affected me internally.
Peace out everyone
1 comment
I was having a stall for a little over a month. It SUCKED! The scale has finally moved! FINALLY! It was really getting frustrating. Its hard not to focus on the numbers on a scale, but I was doing it and it was driving me crazy.
I have changed pant sizes. I notice that my clothes dont fit very well. This makes me happy. I havent wanted to commit to buying anything new yet. I have approx. 90 pounds left to lose. The love interest in my life brought home some summer clothes for me. They were a size 20. I was like "These are NOT going to fit". I was pessimistic about it even before I tried them on. I grumpily put them on, AND THEY FIT! I was shocked and amazed. So, I have gone from a size 26 to a 20. That says alot to me :)
People where I work have been noticing I have been losing weight. That is a great confidence booster. I guess its hard for me to think of myself as losing weight. I havent weighed 235 for years and years. I can remember when I was told I was pregnant with my youngest son, the DR said I was 255. Thats the last lowest weight I remember. I have surpassed that :)
SNACKING. This is an evil, evil thing for me. I try so hard not to snack. I DO get feelings of hunger. This makes my eating impulse SO hard to deal with. I am thinking about possibly seeking a Psychologist and getting back into Cognitive Therapy. Maybe this will help. I did sign up for a meeting for the Surgical Weight Loss Group at the hospital where I received my surgery. Maybe this will help. I am hoping for something to help.
My work schedule really sucks! I work 2 weeks days, 2 weeks nights. This really mess with trying to keep on a good eating plan. I notice when I work graveyards, I graze alot more. I have thought about looking into a new job. I LOVE my job, dont get me wrong. I am thinking though that I need more of a regular schedule. Have to think about this more.
Well, thank you all for listening to me everyone. I hate to ramble on and on. I have just been dealing with these demons, and not very well. Sometimes I dont feel I have anywhere to turn to. No one in my family is aware of how this surgery has affected me internally.
Peace out everyone
2010 :)
Jan 01, 2010
Happy New Year Everyone!!!!
Well time for an update. I can honestly tell you I dont know how much weight I have lost. I dont step on the scale*lol* I am down a few sizes in pants. There were a few days I wasnt watching what I was eating. I had a few things to eat I shouldnt have. I did start working out finally. I am doing an hour of cardio daily. I get on that treadmill, get my heart rate from 150 to 160 and work work work for an hour. I must say I should update my mp3 player though. I need more inspirational work out music.
I centainly hope everyone out there will have a wonderful 2010. Things are looking up for me personally with the person I have in my life. I pretty much laid everything out on the table, gave my bottom line and it worked! I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve. Its just not right for it to happen any other way. I am a stong independant woman.
Take care everyone! Thanks for reading!
0 comments
Well time for an update. I can honestly tell you I dont know how much weight I have lost. I dont step on the scale*lol* I am down a few sizes in pants. There were a few days I wasnt watching what I was eating. I had a few things to eat I shouldnt have. I did start working out finally. I am doing an hour of cardio daily. I get on that treadmill, get my heart rate from 150 to 160 and work work work for an hour. I must say I should update my mp3 player though. I need more inspirational work out music.
I centainly hope everyone out there will have a wonderful 2010. Things are looking up for me personally with the person I have in my life. I pretty much laid everything out on the table, gave my bottom line and it worked! I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve. Its just not right for it to happen any other way. I am a stong independant woman.
Take care everyone! Thanks for reading!
Time to get serious
Dec 19, 2009
OK, well its been a month since Ive had surgery, Im feeling better and I think its time to get serious about this weight loss stuff.
Ive decided I will go to our Recreation Center this evening and actually use the membership I have been paying for for 2 years now. I asked my oldest son to go with me. He goes there to work out on a daily basis.
Im back at work today. I have mixed feelings on this. I think I am experiencing a little season depression. I feel like I have alot going against me right now. I am trying very hard to pull myself out of it and just be happy. I dont know, can anyone relate?
I have started counting my calories and tracking them thru a website. I am hoping this gives me clarity on my eating. I used to eat for everything before...for sadness, happiness, celebration, sorrow. Now I feel like there is a hole there. Maybe I am just blabbering here. I was frustrated last night because my head told me I was SO hungry but my sleeve said "Nope, enough, youre done". My body is pulling me in many directions and is leaving some confusion.
Spoke with my mother last night on the phone. That always makes me feel better. I know, I know, I am a woman in my mid 30's but I am mommy's girl and that will never change.
I SO want the holidays to be over with. I am so sick of all the commercialization of the season. My kids want more and more and I cant afford, afford! Try telling them that. They just dont get the value of money. Why might you ask? Its my own fault. I have them spolied. Now I must reap what I sow here.
Anyway, I guess I should get back to other things. Hope everyone is well out there.
0 comments
Ive decided I will go to our Recreation Center this evening and actually use the membership I have been paying for for 2 years now. I asked my oldest son to go with me. He goes there to work out on a daily basis.
Im back at work today. I have mixed feelings on this. I think I am experiencing a little season depression. I feel like I have alot going against me right now. I am trying very hard to pull myself out of it and just be happy. I dont know, can anyone relate?
I have started counting my calories and tracking them thru a website. I am hoping this gives me clarity on my eating. I used to eat for everything before...for sadness, happiness, celebration, sorrow. Now I feel like there is a hole there. Maybe I am just blabbering here. I was frustrated last night because my head told me I was SO hungry but my sleeve said "Nope, enough, youre done". My body is pulling me in many directions and is leaving some confusion.
Spoke with my mother last night on the phone. That always makes me feel better. I know, I know, I am a woman in my mid 30's but I am mommy's girl and that will never change.
I SO want the holidays to be over with. I am so sick of all the commercialization of the season. My kids want more and more and I cant afford, afford! Try telling them that. They just dont get the value of money. Why might you ask? Its my own fault. I have them spolied. Now I must reap what I sow here.
Anyway, I guess I should get back to other things. Hope everyone is well out there.
Feeling better
Dec 18, 2009
Well I have been home from the hospital for 5 days this time around. I am feeling SO much better. I went in, the DR came in, said we were going to get this fixed. He said he would go in, look for the hernia, and fix it. He said I might have some scar tissue that would need to be freed. He said if he gets in there and finds nothing, he will numb it up and I will have to try to deal with it. I wasnt happy in hearing this, but could understand.
I just want to express to everyone the pain I was experiencing was very serious to me. By the end of the 3 weeks of dealing with this, the pain had me suicidual. I was hurting so badly, that I told my family that if this surgery didnt work, I had a plan to end it for myself because I COULD NOT live like this. I explained to the DR that my pain was at a 10 plus, and that was alot for me. I have have a baby naturally before and that took 33 hours. This pain topped that. So, just wanted to let you all know where I stood with this pain. It was very real to me.
I went into the OR, they prepped me. Everyone was very nice. I fell alseep. I woke up to my very sweet Nurse, Kay. I asked ifthe DR was coming in. She told me no, that he was out speaking to my family since I was still a little out of it with the meds. I reached down and felt my stomach. I did find some discomfort there. I asked Kay if they fixed the hernia. Kay told me that they didnt find a hernia. I immediatly started bawling. Thoughts of previous plans came rushing into my head. I was determined not to live like this. I asked Kay for some pain meds, then fell asleep for a little bit.
I asked for my family to be let in. They came in. I asked what the DR said and expressed to them how saddened I was by the fact there wasnt a hernia. I was told that the DR came to talk with them. The DR found a mass in my abdomen wall the size of a baseball. He said that when they cut open the mass, it had a grainy, sandy substance in it. Dr Helbling had removed the mass and alot of scar tissue from the area. He didnt have an explaination for the mass and didnt know what it was. It was sent to pathology, but he believed this is what was causing my pain. He was surprised that this didnt show up on the CT scan.
So, there was something there. Something very real causing my pain. Now that it has been 5 days since surgery, I am feeling alot better. I have no pain expect some occasional incision pain, which is no biggie for me. I go back to work tomorrow.
I am very thankful that DR Helbling listened to me when I came into his office and decided even though there wasnt a huge problem showing on my tests, he took the time to find out what was wrong and fixed it. He has improved the quailty of life. I am happy to report that my depression from this pain has ceased and I no longer feel suicidual.
Happy Holidays everyone!
0 comments
I just want to express to everyone the pain I was experiencing was very serious to me. By the end of the 3 weeks of dealing with this, the pain had me suicidual. I was hurting so badly, that I told my family that if this surgery didnt work, I had a plan to end it for myself because I COULD NOT live like this. I explained to the DR that my pain was at a 10 plus, and that was alot for me. I have have a baby naturally before and that took 33 hours. This pain topped that. So, just wanted to let you all know where I stood with this pain. It was very real to me.
I went into the OR, they prepped me. Everyone was very nice. I fell alseep. I woke up to my very sweet Nurse, Kay. I asked ifthe DR was coming in. She told me no, that he was out speaking to my family since I was still a little out of it with the meds. I reached down and felt my stomach. I did find some discomfort there. I asked Kay if they fixed the hernia. Kay told me that they didnt find a hernia. I immediatly started bawling. Thoughts of previous plans came rushing into my head. I was determined not to live like this. I asked Kay for some pain meds, then fell asleep for a little bit.
I asked for my family to be let in. They came in. I asked what the DR said and expressed to them how saddened I was by the fact there wasnt a hernia. I was told that the DR came to talk with them. The DR found a mass in my abdomen wall the size of a baseball. He said that when they cut open the mass, it had a grainy, sandy substance in it. Dr Helbling had removed the mass and alot of scar tissue from the area. He didnt have an explaination for the mass and didnt know what it was. It was sent to pathology, but he believed this is what was causing my pain. He was surprised that this didnt show up on the CT scan.
So, there was something there. Something very real causing my pain. Now that it has been 5 days since surgery, I am feeling alot better. I have no pain expect some occasional incision pain, which is no biggie for me. I go back to work tomorrow.
I am very thankful that DR Helbling listened to me when I came into his office and decided even though there wasnt a huge problem showing on my tests, he took the time to find out what was wrong and fixed it. He has improved the quailty of life. I am happy to report that my depression from this pain has ceased and I no longer feel suicidual.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Monday monday..cant wait :)
Dec 13, 2009
Well I go in for sugery in the morning and am very excited about it. I am SO looking forward to not being in pain anymore.
I will let you all know how I am feeling in the very near future. DR says it should be an outpatient operation.
Can hardly wait!!
