Just wanted to vent a little!!

Jan 03, 2009

Ever been in a situation where your body says one thing, but denial attempts to take over? Well that's where I was until a few days ago. I have arthritis all over my body and I'm taking meds for it. It helps but only so that I can sleep at night and not be in so much pain. I do hope that in about 4 months from now, I will be on my way to my weight loss journey. I got up from sitting and hit the floor. Yep I did what everybody else would have...I looked around  because I was like WTH just happened. I know my legs didn't give out. On top of that, when I did get back up, my other leg sounded like popcorn. It was cracking so loud kinda sound like snapping your fingers. Anyway, I know all of this is related to the excess weight that I have right now. Can't believe it's 11:30pm and I'm still awake and venting. Guess we all need an outlet at times. 

I feel so fortunate to have my kids. They love me regardless of how much I weigh and they also compliment me all the time. My girls are 8 & 10 and they both feel mommy is invincible. If they only knew how much my weight really affect my life, they would probably cry for me.  Other than my right knee and left leg (dang, I need to trade it in for a new model, huh?), I'm now starting to break out in rashes on my skin. It's in the creases that generate the excess heat so my doctor gave me a cream to use to kind of help with the breaking skin. I also have shortness of breath, asthma and I was diagnosed with sleep apnea a few years ago but after I scared my daughter with the CPAP mask, I haven't used it since. Did I also mention that my shoulder, back and neck hurts on a 24 hour basis? Lastly, I have excessive swelling in my ankles. Sometimes I will swell so badly that it's a struggle putting on shoes so I wear the stylish slide ins to mask the fact that I just cannot wear a regular shoe. 

The plus side to all of this is that I refuse to complain. I have faith that things will eventually get better and I will feel better also. I have learned to deal with the constant pain and just smile because there is always someone else out there worse off than I am. I go back to my PCP on Jan 15, hopefully, I've lost a few pounds by then. Not asking for much, but anything would be a big help. I will update after my appointment on the 15th. I also have decided I'm going to have the banded surgery instead of the RNY. I've done a lot of homework on the RNY and even though the rapid weight loss is awesome, I'll rather go slowly so I can make myself learn how to eat and lose my weight.  I want to thank all of you that helped me out with the Decisions--Lap Band or RNY discussion board replies. I'm building my support team now so I can have a full cheering section behind me once I travel to the other side of this wonderful journey. 

My birthday is on the 23rd of this month and I'll be going on my yearly birthday trip. I wonder if the airline would laugh if I tell them up front when I check in "Hey, give me the extender now and we'll save a lot of issues later". Wow it's after midnight and I am still venting. Well I guess I'll go to bed now so I can be productive at church tomorrow. My first time going to this church so you know I have to "represent"!!!  Be back on the 15th......

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