Kimberly L.

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Long time, no see all.  This month marked my 3-year surgiversary.  I never got ot my goal weight, but I was still in a good place.  So much has changed since my last post, but the most positive change is that I am expecting my first child this June!  What once seemed so far out of my reach is now going to become a reality.  Thank God for weight-loss surgery!

     So, I finally hired a trainer last week...yippee!  I had to put the donuts down and get moving so I can lose the last of this weight and tone up as much as possible.  My legs were burning something awful initially, but in just a week, I'm able to do all of my cardio.  My thighs don't hurt nearly as much,  and I'm actually starting to enjoy the elliptical.    Who knew?
     My trainer doesn't believe in cosmetic surgery, but if he knew like I know, he might say otherwise.  I know my problem areas where sagging is concerned, and I definitely plan to have something done about them.   The trainer put me on a diet of baked chicken and oatmeal, according to my blood type.  I don't subscribe to that school of thought, but I lost 3 pounds in 3 days last week...and I cheated like crazy (PMS played a big role in that)!  I can now see the results of training and good eating habits, and I'm starting to believe that I really can do it.  Thus, I am recommitting to the plan.  Until I attempted to stick to his meal plan, I didn't realize just how much grazing I would do in a day.  Now, I know better and will recommit to better eating.
     My goal...a Beyonce body...or as close to it as I can get!

     OK.  So, I only lost 3 pounds between December 2008 and March 2009.  OK.  I will get back on track soon before my 18-month window is up.  I feel better about myself in so many ways, and I feel good in general.  I know that I am pretty and attractive.  God has given me a new lease on life.  Now, if I can just stay away from carbs, I'll be OK!   My hair is starting to shed a little again, letting me know that I have slacked off on getting my daily protein.  I'm going to start taking A/G Pro again. 
     Cardio is probably the key for me, and it is what I like least; but I made this commitment to myself, even if I allowed myself to get lazy and lapse into old eating habits.  I met with the dietitian last month and discovered that I am nervous about moving home this month, so I've been turning to food again.  I thought I was done with these kind of issues long ago!  She suggested I see a therapist specializing in compulsive overeating.  Sometimes I'll eat something that I know will make me sick out of sheer greed or mental anguish.  I cannot continue to deal with my problems this way.  I mustn't challenge my pouch by overeating when I feel full.  And I have to stop drinking with my meals.  This is such a hard habit to develop.  Keep me in your prayers.  
    

    

I can't believe it's been a year already.  127 pounds.  That's a whole person.  I've been sabotaging myself, and I know it's time to get back on track so I can lose the rest of the weight.  Nutter Butter cookies, Mini Oreos, Mini Chips Ahoy, M&Ms, cookies, cakes, carrot cake from Copeland's...It has to stop NOW!  I don't get as sick with refined sugars anymore.  Pure sugar still does make me ill with sweating and mild nausea.  Most of the time I just deal with the effects to satisfy my sugar habit.  One taste of sugar and I'm hooked for the day.  I've started the protein shakes again more regularly and decided to lay off bananas and grapes.  Hopefully, this will cut the carbs that may be causing me to retain and/or gain weight at times.  Less than 1200 calories is hard to do. One day, I almost ate a whole Whopper AND onion rings.  Other days, I can't eat much at all, but those days are few and far between. Planning my meals would be so much more effective.  At one point,  thought I had gained 5-10 pounds!!!
     I'm dreading my appointment with Dr. Chu next week.  I know she's gonna come down on me for my lack of commitment.  The good thing is that I exercised a couple weeks ago, but I hurt myself AGAIN.  I had to get a massage to ease the knots.  Now that I'm planning to relocate soon, I'm not sure if I should spend the money to hire a trainer right now.  I guess it wouldn't hurt!
     Please send me all your prayers and encouragement as well as a "shame on you" for not being more committed.  Wish me well.

     I'm eating more, and it's scaring the hell outta me.  My daily calorie count is almost always over 1200-1300 calories, and I'm constantly kicking myself about it. I can also tolerate sweets better...not good. My refrigerator is full of take-out containers, most of which I will probably throw out.  I eat out a lot as entertainment, but I did finally make taco soup the other day, and I'm still eating from that batch. Sometimes, I feel a little regret that I can't eat a full meal because eating has always been a way to entertain myself.  It was an event that I could attend at the end of a long day and feel satisfied.  I miss it like an old bathrobe...comfy and cozy. 
     One upside is that inches seem to continue to slowly come off, but I'm getting more flabby from not exercising.  I finally started exercising again this week after a 2-month hiatus (I know...shame on me).  For that, I'm proud of myself.  This time I will take it slow and easy, and I will hire a trainer to keep me accountable and uninjured.  I spend so much of my time these days thinking about food, what I can snack on.  My surgeon suggested portion control at my last visit, and I'm usually pretty good about it.  At times, I can't seem to get enough, and it seems like my old stomach has grown back! 
     I've skipped 2 support group meetings because I feel so unworthy to announce my loss during that portion of the meeting, embarrassed that I have not made more progress.  I think I need to make more of an effort to connect my desire for food with my emotional state.  Boredom leads to this behavior very often.  One good thing is that I'm sleeping a lot better these days, and I don't need Ambien CR as much anymore.  I have to cut them in half because a full 12.5 mg makes me forget things I do in my sleep.  Again, not good.  I don't want to wake up one morning and discover that I cursed somebody out or sent a text about my true feelings about someone.  
     It's important to remind myself that I am not a full year out from surgery, and that I've come such a long way from where I was.  I often think about the toilet seats I broke in each of my 2 bathrooms.  I don't regret this surgery for a single minute.

     Today, I feel and depressed like I usually do after a visit to the surgeon's office. I went for for my  9-month follow-up.  I'm slower than I should be because I haven't exercised, and I know it.  Of course, I feel guilty.  I so want to be praised for what I have done instead of what I haven't . The official loss since surgery is only 112 pounds, totaling 123.5 pounds since this all started.   I was stuck for the longest around 252, but I half-heartedly attempted the plateau buster diet, and the scale moved again.  Thank God! 
     In order to make the most of my tool, I must hire a personal trainer so that I don't hurt myself from over-exercising like I did over a month ago.  I stressed my muscles and made them too tense.  This has been my pitiful excuse not to exercise since then.  Part of me is still afraid to try again because it seems like results are so hard to achieve.  I get discouraged and feel like I'm not really making a difference even though I can see the tone in many areas of my body.  I must increase my aerobic exercise so as to exercise my most important muscle - my heart.  I must aim to lose 10 pounds a month and not beat myself up if I fall short of that goal.  After the holidays, I believe I can renew my commitment to myself.  I'm aching for my mother's cornbread dressing and lemon meringue pie!  Then, it's back to basics.  I must not allow my surgeon's demands to make me feel less than a success in this area.  I must pat myself on the back for what I have done and be proud of my success.

121 pounds gone forever.  Been on a plateau for at least 2 weeks with my loss slowing, but I have been eating like a pig!  Thank God there was no gain.  My appetite exploded recently, and I ate 8 small Chiquita bananas 2 days ago!  I took a saline laxative and eased my stomach after eating a bunch of popcorn at a movie on Election Day.   That helped, I think.   BTW, long live President-Elect Barack Obama!!!!  Been experimenting with omega-3 oil capsules so as to improve my body's condition for childbearing.  I stopped them wondering if they were causing my appetite to increase.  I'm not sure.  I know I get that way at times followed by a period of poor appetite, as is the case now.  A big appetite increase worries me.  I have been exercising more consistently, so that could be the cause, and I decreased my eening dose of metformin to 500mg. I think that helps the nocturnal eating. i'e also been building muscle, so I hope that accounts for the plateau and slower loss as well.   I'm trying to get back to basics with protein first.  I'm praying that God will see fit for me to become a wife to the right man and a mother, but I gotta get my body right first. 

I'm proud of myself.  I've been exercising consistently, going to the gym at least twice a week for the last 2 weeks and doing some other form of exercise at other times in the week, i.e., walking on my treadmill at home.  I also cut my hair because it has thinned out so badly.  I heard the word "sassy" 3 times today to describe the new cut.  The scale has been pretty steady, so I hope it's due to increasing muscle mass.  It's a struggle sometimes to limit my caloric intake, a reminder of how unhealthy my diet habits were.  Snacking is starting to creep in again, a reflection of my tendency toward emotional eating.  I'll be in the struggle for life.  Head hunger is a beast!  I hope to win that battle.

Had my 6-month appointment with Dr. Chu today, and I am disappointed in myself.  As always, my home scale shows a greater loss than the one at the office - 94.5 pounds since surgery and 107 pounds total.  Perhaps I should weigh in the afternoon instead of the morning in the nude.  Additionally, Dr. Chu gently reminded me that the things I have counted as exercise don't really count.  I need at least 30 minutes of continuous activity daily.  I knew it probably wasn't quite what I should have had, but I guess I wanted to celebrate being busy as a small victory.  I need to increase my protein intake.  For the first time, my iron is satisfactory.  I'm really down about this.  I hope to snap out of it by tomorrow.