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I weighed myself this morning and I am at 259 lbs. That in itself is great - hey im below 40 BMI! LOL (shh don't tell the insurance) Anyways, thats -6 lbs from the pre-op diet.  I don't know how my surgeon's office scale compares to mine so I will go by my weight at surgery in the AM.

Anyways - I'm all ready to go and just killin time now. Pretty excited and not nervous at all. I had to buy a new tape measure to measure with because the one in my sewing kit was only 25 inches - MIGHT get that around a thigh? lol So tonight is pictures and measuring :)

Thanks to EVERYONE who has posted on my support page, it's awesome and you are all so kind to take a moment to wish me (a stranger) well. I often think if we could run into this many caring people in our day to day lives the world would be a happier place.

See you all on the bench!

Hopefully the next 3 days will go by pretty fast being Christmas and all. I still haven't wrapped anything so I guess that's tomorrows project. I've been cleaning so I don't have to stress about it post op and so my house doesn't smell like dog-butt when mom comes today.

I'm not sure how well this all is going to go with mom here. She has been nothing but helpful but I am wondering how she's going to deal with my drinking my christmas dinner and things like that.

She's always mopey and depressed (argh) lifelong battle here, and everytime she comes to visit she seems to get a migraine. Anyways I hope things go better this time, I'd really like us all to have a nice holiday. If she gets into her mood I'm going to go get my post-op pain med scrip and drug her til she's too dopey to be depressed. (kidding)

Anyways, Merry Christmas folks :) Clock is tickin...

Realistically, RNY or not I still have some WLS challenges - being hypothyroid and having PCOS with insulin resistance. Since I am a "lightweight" as well, I expect to lose a little more slowly than some. Not that I wont TRY to drop weight like crazy ;) Anyways to keep myself from obsessing and going insane I've decided my first mini goal is to lose 60 lbs by my birthday in April - I will be about 4 months out then. It feels reasonable to me.

That will put me at 206 lbs with 55 lbs left to "actual" goal.

In august I had radioactive treatment to kill my hyperactive thyroid. I was told it would take a few months to die and I would be 'normal' for a while, and then in a year I could expect to be 'hypothyroid'. This sort of got me going - thinking hmm well if my metabolism is already high and I am this big, what will happen when it drops from the death of the thyroid?

Well the time estimates were a bit off, after 2 months my thyroid was dead. I started feeling so tired I couldnt' function. If it sat, or even stood still, for more than 10 mins I would start to nod off (not good with a desk job). I called my doc and sure enough, it was synthroid time.

Well, I noticed during that time as well that I just wasn't as hungry anymore. In the old hyperthyroid days I ate and ate and would still feel so hungry I'd want to gnaw my desk. I think I am eating more "normally" now (though I still binge). I get hungry but not in that desk-gnawing manner. I've been eating much less and since meeting my nutritionist, trying to make some better choices foodwise. Those binges are killer though :)

Anyways so two months later I've managed to gain 4 lbs. Despite eating less and trying to keep moving to keep the metabolism going. 4 lbs. Yeah it's not much but lets think - if that continued I'd gain 24 lbs in a year. That means this time next year I would weigh 290 lbs. The year after? Break 300...

I KNOW that after wls I will have to continue moving to maintain, I know I will have to make better food choices. I know my portions will be strictly controlled. I also know that without WLS none of this would happen. I already have difficulty moving, I feel awkward or just hurt. I get winded easily and feel generally disgusted with myself. Lets not talk about the stress incontinence and insulin resistance too...

Sitting here and evaluating it after being weighed at the surgeons yesterday I KNOW I have made the best choice for me. I KNOW that getting this weight off so I can move freely and using my tool to help me control what and how I eat is the only way to stop this upward trend. I guess all the occasional "well im not that big" thoughts have been vanquished.

I'm looking forward to being healthier, more active, happier with myself (and therefore the people around me) and I am already proud to be proactive about my future.

Well I had my preop with the surgeon yesterday. I got to ask him a bunch of questions. He will be bypassing 150cm. I don't know what time I go in yet - I am not sure when they tell me that. I asked him about his rate of complications and he said he's only had one leak in the past several years, and it was a lady who was a revision from a stomach stapling procedure. She ended up staying in the hospital for quite a while due to other complications too. He even drew me a picture of what went wrong with her and why the scar tissue she had was troublesome. He did that at the initial consult as well - he just draws the whole thing out on the paper on the exam table.

I asked him about blood clots - my only real fear. He said that studies show that 99% of blood clots form when you're actually on the operating table. Thats a little scary since its totally out of your control. He did say they give a blood thinner shot beforehand and of course moving afterwards helps get things going - but if it happens on the table.. hmm

Anyways I have had several surgeries including a 4 hour long one, he doesn't think this will take more than 90 mins or so, so I think it's a minimal issue.

He also asked about my hypothyroid (a recent thing) and how long i'd been on synthroid - he said that being hypothyroid and having surgery can kill you.. oh boy lets add that to the list lol

I am really not scared at all, but when they list it all out for you its daunting, at least for those few moments.

Anyways I signed my consent papers and today I do the pre-op nut class and the anesthesiologist stuff. I also got my TSH tested again today so I will know tomorrow if my meds are doin what they should. Honestly I think I need a bump up but we shall see.

9 days to liquid diet and 23 days to surgery.. tick tick tick

Well I got the call today - Dec. 27 is my date. WOohooo! I was hoping for sooner, but it still meets my goal of having this done before 2008. I start liquids on the 13th which means no matter how fat the christmas goose gets, I won't be eating any lol.

I volunteered for a cancellation, but Sherrie (Dr. S's nurse) says that it's not so much the surgeon's schedule as it is the OR schedule that's holding us up.

Anyways apparently I'll have 3 pre-ops. A visit with Dr. S, a visit with the nut (in a group class) and one with the Anesthesiologist (did I spell that right?) at the hospital itself.

Ok that was all informative, lets be honest here. I want to throw a freaking tantrum. I want to stomp my feet and puff out my lip and yell until someone gets me in sooner. I want this flab off me.

I know I know, it took me 35 years to collect my particular assortment of fat pockets, I can wait another month. I know! I am lucky some people take years to go through the process and I've gotten it done in 4 months (to the day from consult to surgery). But like a 2 year old who wants a sucker I am still read to toss myself on the floor, screamin punchin and kickin my way to being on my way.

Good thing I wasn't this impatient when I was preggers eh? LOL

Insurance finally received my packet from my doctory on Wednesday 10/31. I called twice a day all week (yes I am impatient lol) and Friday 11/02 I was told I am approved!

The "fake" surgery date they put on the packet was Dec. 3 which isn't far off but with work concerns and whatever I am hoping I can schedule sooner.

I can't believe it! I am approved! Life is good!

So back in August I had radiation to kill my thyroid due to grave's disease and 'nodules' which caused it to be hyperactive. I felt a bit cheated, with pumped up metaboloism  you should be skinny right? Apparently it also makes you hungry 24/7 so with my binge eating ways, I was just stuffing myself. When I got hungry, I'd want to eat a whole horse, as well as the sheep, cow and chicken he shares the barn with.

Anyways - my endocrinologist explained that it takes time for your body to adjust to the dead thyroid and in 3 months or so I would be "normal" then in a year or so I would be hypothyroid and have to take synthroid to regulate my hormones.

Well he was a little off in his estimation. About a week ago I started feeling tired. I attributed it to starting a temporary 2nd job and the stress of exams (the week before) etc etc.... After a few days I was so tired all the time I couldn't function. I was literally nodding off if I was still more than 15 minutes. I'd lose focus in meetings at work and have trouble driving to and from.

I called my PCP for an appointment and she tested my levels - sure enough, I am now hypothyroid. I've already gained 8 lbs, I'm tryin to move more and eat less knowing it will be so easy to pack on the pounds but its tough feeling so tired. I'm taking synthroid (50 mcg) but it takes 4-6 weeks to really kick in, and even then we don't know if its the right dose until I am tested again.

I don't know how I will make it through the month feeling like this. I have to function. My family has been understanding and I am sleeping as often as I can sneak it in. My work has even been fabulous about it, my boss is letting me work from home if I don't feel up togoing in, but I still have to put in my 8 hour days + the second job.

I hated being hyperthyroid - the heart palpitations and shakiness and all the other physiological issues were really kicking my butt, but this tired thing is ugh too. On a plus note it IS easier to exercise because my heart rate doesn't go through the roof at the drop of a hat, I just have to really struggle to get off my ass and do it.

On another note, my packet was submitted to insurance on Friday, so here is to hoping UHC makes a quick and speedy approval.

Welp, once again I have been struck by the fax machine to nowhere. I think Stephen King could write a horror novel about the place these faxes go.

Since I have a "gap" in my 5 year weight history (no insurance, no doc, fat ass, no doc, you get the idea), my surgeon's office wanted the next oldest record I could get (1999) to show that I was obese (hate that word) even then. Sooo I call the hospital where I had my daughter and had some poor soul sifting through the ancient records. They faxed them in less than a day, to me directly (thanks NHRMC!). I then faxed them to the 'special' fax number the surgeon's office gave me with ATTENTION: the coordinator in huge letters written on it.

Like all the other faxes I have sent this woman - she did not get it.. imagine that.

Well luckly she's very communicative in email. Since I had problems with phone calls with these people in the beginning and complained to the surgeon about it he has been eavesdropping on the rest of my experience there, so I copied him and the insurance coordinator and we emailed around all day tryin to find the fax. I refaxed, and the surgeon is looking for it himself. He's also writing his letter of reccomendation so we should have things submitted to insurance within the next day or so.

On another note:

Last week was exam week for me with University of Phoenix. I am in the associates program for Arts and Business with plans to go on for my Bachelor's. I checked my grades last night and...


I GOT MY DEGREE!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!

Well I went for my upper endoscopy thing on Friday (the actual word for it is like 54 letters long). It was pretty easy. I had to be there at 8 for a 10 am appt and forgot my book, but they kept me busy so it wasn't too bad. They took a hemoglobin test (red blood cells) that tells you how well you are oxygenated and I was in the high end of normal which is awesome for an ex-2 pack per dayer.

Anyways I met about 30 people I think, various anesthesia people and nurses and of course Dr. S was there. They gave me some happy juice and then knocked me out, wheeled me into a room, and then I woke up. I was done and awake and eating crackers by 10:20, not too bad.

They called my friend to pick me up and made her sign a buncha stuff saying she witnessed them telling me what to do and not to do for a day or two.

I got to see pictures of the inside of my stomach and it was not at all what I expected. It was clean.. I thought it would be gross? But it looked... soft? And there were clear little bubbles here and there...

Anyways I do have a hiatal hernia, but nothing else was going on in there, no polyps or ulcers or anything, so not too bad. Now I just have to arm wrestle my weight histories outta people and I'm ready for insurance. Yay!