Linda T.
Depression
Feb 10, 2008
Why do weight issues just increase the amount of depression for me? I am an emotional eater anyway (have I mentioned that before) and depression just increases the desire to put something in my mouth. Of course all the medical issues of last year and this year is the major reason for the depression. I feel as if I am in a Catch 22 thing, a constant circle with no relef.
Happy New Year?????
Jan 01, 2008
Happy New Year to everyone! I was crazy over Christmas, do I have to explain. My addiction to sugar is killing me, really. I am back on the blood pressure meds. That happened before Christmas before I gained back part of the weight I lost during my surgery and recovery. I am also back on Nexium for reflux. No band and the acid can come up. Of course I am on the antidrepressant meds, I would be bonkers by now. Also back on the allergy medications. I hate having to take all this stuff again. It is all depressing. I am glad in a way 2007 is gone. All the pain and suffering I went through is over BUT-- my band is gone now and I am on my own and it doesn't seem to be working.
My goal for 2008 is to live to 2009 and beyond. That start with taking care of me. But how...........
My goal for 2008 is to live to 2009 and beyond. That start with taking care of me. But how...........
Starting Over on a different road.
Dec 18, 2007
I though living with a band was hard. What was I thinking. Living without it is twice as hard. All my old eating habits have creeped back just like old times. A whole year has passed, boy what a year can hold. I am back to normal. I went to my regular Gastro and had a EGD which showed no damage to the inside of my stomach. No scar tissue or narrowing of the upper part. The strange pains have gone away, the scars on the belly look angry and red but time will fade over time. My husband and I are the only two that will see them.
I have gained weight since the surgery. I lost around 16 lbs during the time when I could not eat or would not eat. Then the ice cream and Ensure that just set me up for sweets and ice cream. The little voice in my brain that was saying "Stop now or get sick" is gone. It was still there when I had to drink those high calorie milk shakes, but has since been quiet. Everything I was unable to eat or that was off limits has been a craving since. A lot of this stuff is depression I know. It is just part of mourning I guess. Christmas is always a hard time for me because of the stress and all the sweets and fatty things served. But.... how do I recover! How do I stop this? What do I do, do I diet again? If I diet, what diet? I am still down 30 lbs out of the 40 that I had lost. I GOT TO STOP THIS NOW!
I have gained weight since the surgery. I lost around 16 lbs during the time when I could not eat or would not eat. Then the ice cream and Ensure that just set me up for sweets and ice cream. The little voice in my brain that was saying "Stop now or get sick" is gone. It was still there when I had to drink those high calorie milk shakes, but has since been quiet. Everything I was unable to eat or that was off limits has been a craving since. A lot of this stuff is depression I know. It is just part of mourning I guess. Christmas is always a hard time for me because of the stress and all the sweets and fatty things served. But.... how do I recover! How do I stop this? What do I do, do I diet again? If I diet, what diet? I am still down 30 lbs out of the 40 that I had lost. I GOT TO STOP THIS NOW!
Road to Recovery
Nov 12, 2007
I am feeling better and getting back my strength. I still have some mysterious pain in my belly. Not sure what that is. Back is better no more spasms.
Picked up my Mom at the nursing home and took her back to her apartment at the assisted living place. She is glad to be home. She still worries about me, I guess mothers always do.
With all that has gone on in the last 2 months my house is a wreck. Only the minimum has been done. Nothing has been put away. So clutter is everywhere. I got the name of someone to clean my house but I am ashamed to call her. I would have to clean up before she came and I don't have the energy for that yet. My daughter just wants to come in with a garbage bag and let me start over. HA HA.
Picked up my Mom at the nursing home and took her back to her apartment at the assisted living place. She is glad to be home. She still worries about me, I guess mothers always do.
With all that has gone on in the last 2 months my house is a wreck. Only the minimum has been done. Nothing has been put away. So clutter is everywhere. I got the name of someone to clean my house but I am ashamed to call her. I would have to clean up before she came and I don't have the energy for that yet. My daughter just wants to come in with a garbage bag and let me start over. HA HA.
"one in a Million" Part 3
Nov 07, 2007
Oct 7 - 14: I felt good the whole weekend or at least till Sunday night. I started having more pain in the chest all the way through to the back. Pain that my medicine was not able to handle. I was up pacing the floor all night several nights the following week. Sleeping when the pain meds worked.
Oct 15 : I couldn't take the pain any more and I was not eating. I called my Surgeon and he suggested I go to the ER. I went to ER and was on IV, had another Cat scan and some good pain meds. Out come.......ulcer or raw stomach from meds and antiobotics, not eating. They put me on Carafate for 3 weeks. The pain in my back related to stomach?????? My Mom fell that morning and was take to the hospital. My brother and Sister had to do it without me.
Oct 16 - 17 : My days got better but my nights were bad, everytime I layed down my back would spasm and the pain was so bad that the pain meds didn't work. I even went to the max amount I could take just to sleep 4 hours a night.
Oct 18 : Pain so bad I couldn't take it any more. Went back to my Family Doc. He put me on a muscle relaxer and gave me a different pain med.
Oct 19 - 21 : These days a blur, pain meds and pain. My husband force feeding me and making be drink.
Oct 22: Back to my Family Doc. I have having more muscle pain and other things related to not eating. He put me on 3 milkshakes a day with real Ice cream, low fat with an Ensure. They were good and felt good too.
Oct 25: I felt good enough to have my hair cut and colored. It had been 6 weeks and my hair was a mess, I had resorted to bandanas. It took all I had but my hair looked so much better.
Oct 26: We had a dinner at church, my husband said I shouldn't go but I did. Could not stay the whole time had to leave before entertainment was over.
Oct 27 - 28: I paid for getting up and out too soon. Still taking the pain pills to sleep. I am a big couch potato.
Oct 29: Back is still a problem so I went to my Chropractor. Yes, I am old and have spurs on spine and spine out of alignment after being in bed so much and favoring my stomach to move. So begins 3 days a week to help with the back.
Now : I am still dealing with a low level of energy. Still some stomach discomfort when I eat. I am eating too much. I did gain back 10 of the 16lbs I lost during 4 weeks. Ice cream will do that to ya. I am still mouring my band and scared of gaining.
Oct 15 : I couldn't take the pain any more and I was not eating. I called my Surgeon and he suggested I go to the ER. I went to ER and was on IV, had another Cat scan and some good pain meds. Out come.......ulcer or raw stomach from meds and antiobotics, not eating. They put me on Carafate for 3 weeks. The pain in my back related to stomach?????? My Mom fell that morning and was take to the hospital. My brother and Sister had to do it without me.
Oct 16 - 17 : My days got better but my nights were bad, everytime I layed down my back would spasm and the pain was so bad that the pain meds didn't work. I even went to the max amount I could take just to sleep 4 hours a night.
Oct 18 : Pain so bad I couldn't take it any more. Went back to my Family Doc. He put me on a muscle relaxer and gave me a different pain med.
Oct 19 - 21 : These days a blur, pain meds and pain. My husband force feeding me and making be drink.
Oct 22: Back to my Family Doc. I have having more muscle pain and other things related to not eating. He put me on 3 milkshakes a day with real Ice cream, low fat with an Ensure. They were good and felt good too.
Oct 25: I felt good enough to have my hair cut and colored. It had been 6 weeks and my hair was a mess, I had resorted to bandanas. It took all I had but my hair looked so much better.
Oct 26: We had a dinner at church, my husband said I shouldn't go but I did. Could not stay the whole time had to leave before entertainment was over.
Oct 27 - 28: I paid for getting up and out too soon. Still taking the pain pills to sleep. I am a big couch potato.
Oct 29: Back is still a problem so I went to my Chropractor. Yes, I am old and have spurs on spine and spine out of alignment after being in bed so much and favoring my stomach to move. So begins 3 days a week to help with the back.
Now : I am still dealing with a low level of energy. Still some stomach discomfort when I eat. I am eating too much. I did gain back 10 of the 16lbs I lost during 4 weeks. Ice cream will do that to ya. I am still mouring my band and scared of gaining.
Continue "One in a Million"
Nov 04, 2007
After getting settled in and the pain easing the brain started to work. I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY BAND! Here I was in the hospital because of the band and the infection, but I was mourning my band. Emotionally I started to unravel. Besides I had not had anything to eat all day, I got to the hospital at 3:00 P.M. They said I could sip water and ice chips but nothing to eat. Since the pain was less I was hungry. The Doc stopped by and surgery was supposed to be a 7 but he couldn't get me scheduled till Noon. That meant 24 full hours of no food. Was the drugs making me worry about food. I was a wake all night it seemed. They did blood work early and had me on high power antiobotics and that IV machine alarmed every 3 hrs it seemed. Better to get me to ask for more pain meds.
Sept 27: Next morning seemed to take forever, but the pain meds helped. My stomach area from ribs to hip bones was swollen and painful to touch. The scar at my port was bright red. My breastbone hurt all the way through to my back constantly. I still was sweating enough to soak my bedclothing every night and was soaking wet when they came with the gurney. I got off my bed and climbed onto it ready as ever to go. Knowing that this was going to be a rough surgery and that I was in serious condition I went willingly.
I didn't know it till later but the surgery lasted 4 hours. It was done Laproscropic. From what the Surgeon said he was about to open me up a 3 hr mark, but was able to find the band in all the infection so he continued. I had adhesions on the liver, colon, and fatty part of stomach lining. I had two drain tubes that were painful. Again I couldn't eat or sleep.
Sept 28 - Oct 1 : I was able to have liquids the day after surgery but I had passed being hungry. Every day seems the same now. Pain meds, antiobotics, trying to sleep, pain meds, trying to walk, trying to get comfortable, sweating, laying on wet sheets with wet hospital gowns and trying to get some of the protein down.
Oct 1: I was able to go home after 5 days. It is wonderful to go home but.....I couldn't get in and out of the bed without help. My husband waited on me hand and foot. He gave me my meds fixed me liquids and pushed me to eat. I was not hungry. I could take a shower but I didn't have the energy. I had to empty the drains and clean the wounds. That in itself was a drain on me. My husband was so worried about me. He stayed home from work to be with me. I was a sleep when the pain meds worked and sometime they didn't.
Oct 2 - 4: In bed on couch, in the recliner or pacing when the pain was not controled. On Thursday afternoon my husband took me to the Dr to check my wounds and to remove the drains. They weight me! I had lost 16 lbs. I almost passed out on the first one drain was removed and had to ask for time to recover before the second one was removed. Bless my husband he said he didn't know how I did it. I felt so much better afterward I was hurgry! I had a small coke and one Krystal. I know I know. First coke in almost a year. It was so good. This is probably the worst meal I could have had but man oh man was it good after not eating in so long.
Sept 27: Next morning seemed to take forever, but the pain meds helped. My stomach area from ribs to hip bones was swollen and painful to touch. The scar at my port was bright red. My breastbone hurt all the way through to my back constantly. I still was sweating enough to soak my bedclothing every night and was soaking wet when they came with the gurney. I got off my bed and climbed onto it ready as ever to go. Knowing that this was going to be a rough surgery and that I was in serious condition I went willingly.
I didn't know it till later but the surgery lasted 4 hours. It was done Laproscropic. From what the Surgeon said he was about to open me up a 3 hr mark, but was able to find the band in all the infection so he continued. I had adhesions on the liver, colon, and fatty part of stomach lining. I had two drain tubes that were painful. Again I couldn't eat or sleep.
Sept 28 - Oct 1 : I was able to have liquids the day after surgery but I had passed being hungry. Every day seems the same now. Pain meds, antiobotics, trying to sleep, pain meds, trying to walk, trying to get comfortable, sweating, laying on wet sheets with wet hospital gowns and trying to get some of the protein down.
Oct 1: I was able to go home after 5 days. It is wonderful to go home but.....I couldn't get in and out of the bed without help. My husband waited on me hand and foot. He gave me my meds fixed me liquids and pushed me to eat. I was not hungry. I could take a shower but I didn't have the energy. I had to empty the drains and clean the wounds. That in itself was a drain on me. My husband was so worried about me. He stayed home from work to be with me. I was a sleep when the pain meds worked and sometime they didn't.
Oct 2 - 4: In bed on couch, in the recliner or pacing when the pain was not controled. On Thursday afternoon my husband took me to the Dr to check my wounds and to remove the drains. They weight me! I had lost 16 lbs. I almost passed out on the first one drain was removed and had to ask for time to recover before the second one was removed. Bless my husband he said he didn't know how I did it. I felt so much better afterward I was hurgry! I had a small coke and one Krystal. I know I know. First coke in almost a year. It was so good. This is probably the worst meal I could have had but man oh man was it good after not eating in so long.
Life Changes and things happen! No DUD! One in A Million
Oct 08, 2007
I know I have been AWOL for over a month. I have had so much going on that this fell to the last priority. After the last fill I was once again feeling a little restriction, and started to slowly lose the weight that I had gained while my fill was gone. Going so good I planned a vacation. My husband and I needed one in the worst way. We decided on September 15 and I booked a house in St. Simons GA. So here is the way the last 1 1/2 month has gone.
September 13 : I started feeling a little under the weather so I went to the Dr. By the time I got there I was running a temp of 101. Dr took XRay of chest and put me on antibotics for 5 days.
September 14 : I worked 1/2 a day feeling crummy.
September 15 : We left for GA. Spent the night 1/2 way there.
September 16: I woke up and was feeling worse, another 4 hrs in car. When we arrived I could hardly stand up right. My husband was concerned. I kept thinking I will feel better soon I am on antiobotics! I had major pain in my breast bone and under my left ribs.
September 17: I was in major pain and agreed to go to a Dr or Hospital. We stopped in a Urgent Care center. The Dr re Xrayed my chest and run blood work, I was running a temp of 101. He was extremely worried about the white blood cell count that was double what it should be. He called ahead to Brunswick Southeast Georgia Hospital ER. He said I needed a Cat Scan. As far as I knew I had and upper resp infection. I went to the ER. NIGHTMARE! I was there over 9 hours. I sat in a chair in pain. My husband did everything except call 911 to get me seen. At 7 hrs they took me up for a cat scan. Then back to the waiting room while colds and friends went on back. When I did get back to a bed, no one took my vitals again. (They did 9 hrs earlier) No DR ever touched me! The Dr came in and said he couldn't find anything on the Cat scan. He said he would write me a scrip for pain meds and started walking out. My husband went off. He stopped him and ask about the elevated white blood count and the fever. So he wrote me a scrip for Leviquin too. When I feel better I will be filing a complaint with the State of GA.
Sept 18 : In bed all day. O what a vacation
Sept 19 : In bed all day, but did get a walk to the beach.
Sept 20 : Feel very little bit better decide to abandon rental and go home tomorrow.
Sept 21 : Pain pills and an 8 hour ride. Home Sweet Home.
Sept 22 and 23 in bed antibotic and pain meds.
Sept 24: I literally begged my Family Pc to see me. He knew something was deadly wrong. He called my Gastro Dr (not WLS) who saw me immediately. She said she needed a Cat scan to confirm but it looked like maybe an infection, somewhere. They called down but couldn't get me seen that afternoon.
Sept 25: I went back to the Hospital for a cat scan. I was out of it couldn't stand upright. Pain so severe I couldn't think straight. While I was waiting other patients were worried about me. After I went back for the scan, the tech checked with the radiologist! She came out and put her hand on my shoulder and said you need to call your surgeon TODAY. But I was told the results wouldn't be back till the next day. I went home and called my WL surgeon and explained what went on.
Sept 26: My Gastro called and explained I needed emergency surgery for and infected Lap band. She had called my surgeon and had faxed results from Cat Scan. Now, I don't need to tell you how bad I felt, it is impossible! I was not able to function, just ask my husband. He was so good through this! Later in the afternoon my Surgeon called. He said I would have surgery the next morning. No food after midnight. I stopped him and ask if I could go to the hospital that afternoon, I felt like I was dying. He said that would be fine. He also said he needed a copy of the Cat Scan. I packed a bag and my husband took me off first to get a copy of a cat scan which needed my signature. Then to the hospital. You have never seen someone so glad to get checked in and hooked up to an IV. Thank God for Morphine.
September 13 : I started feeling a little under the weather so I went to the Dr. By the time I got there I was running a temp of 101. Dr took XRay of chest and put me on antibotics for 5 days.
September 14 : I worked 1/2 a day feeling crummy.
September 15 : We left for GA. Spent the night 1/2 way there.
September 16: I woke up and was feeling worse, another 4 hrs in car. When we arrived I could hardly stand up right. My husband was concerned. I kept thinking I will feel better soon I am on antiobotics! I had major pain in my breast bone and under my left ribs.
September 17: I was in major pain and agreed to go to a Dr or Hospital. We stopped in a Urgent Care center. The Dr re Xrayed my chest and run blood work, I was running a temp of 101. He was extremely worried about the white blood cell count that was double what it should be. He called ahead to Brunswick Southeast Georgia Hospital ER. He said I needed a Cat Scan. As far as I knew I had and upper resp infection. I went to the ER. NIGHTMARE! I was there over 9 hours. I sat in a chair in pain. My husband did everything except call 911 to get me seen. At 7 hrs they took me up for a cat scan. Then back to the waiting room while colds and friends went on back. When I did get back to a bed, no one took my vitals again. (They did 9 hrs earlier) No DR ever touched me! The Dr came in and said he couldn't find anything on the Cat scan. He said he would write me a scrip for pain meds and started walking out. My husband went off. He stopped him and ask about the elevated white blood count and the fever. So he wrote me a scrip for Leviquin too. When I feel better I will be filing a complaint with the State of GA.
Sept 18 : In bed all day. O what a vacation
Sept 19 : In bed all day, but did get a walk to the beach.
Sept 20 : Feel very little bit better decide to abandon rental and go home tomorrow.
Sept 21 : Pain pills and an 8 hour ride. Home Sweet Home.
Sept 22 and 23 in bed antibotic and pain meds.
Sept 24: I literally begged my Family Pc to see me. He knew something was deadly wrong. He called my Gastro Dr (not WLS) who saw me immediately. She said she needed a Cat scan to confirm but it looked like maybe an infection, somewhere. They called down but couldn't get me seen that afternoon.
Sept 25: I went back to the Hospital for a cat scan. I was out of it couldn't stand upright. Pain so severe I couldn't think straight. While I was waiting other patients were worried about me. After I went back for the scan, the tech checked with the radiologist! She came out and put her hand on my shoulder and said you need to call your surgeon TODAY. But I was told the results wouldn't be back till the next day. I went home and called my WL surgeon and explained what went on.
Sept 26: My Gastro called and explained I needed emergency surgery for and infected Lap band. She had called my surgeon and had faxed results from Cat Scan. Now, I don't need to tell you how bad I felt, it is impossible! I was not able to function, just ask my husband. He was so good through this! Later in the afternoon my Surgeon called. He said I would have surgery the next morning. No food after midnight. I stopped him and ask if I could go to the hospital that afternoon, I felt like I was dying. He said that would be fine. He also said he needed a copy of the Cat Scan. I packed a bag and my husband took me off first to get a copy of a cat scan which needed my signature. Then to the hospital. You have never seen someone so glad to get checked in and hooked up to an IV. Thank God for Morphine.
One the road again.
Aug 07, 2007
5 days ago I got my fill. Very little discomfort and a very small fill. Doc removed the needle waited to see if it would bleed, wipped it down and no blood. I put my shirt down and was off the table drinking. Everything was going down great. We talked briefly about when I would come back for the next fill. I was preparing to walk out when I looked down and saw a quickly spreading red spot on my white cotton blouse. Oops. For some reason it decided to bleed for a little bit. Doc put on a bandaid and I was on my way out. I stopped by the ladies room and wash the blood out completely! But I was walking around with a wet bottom portion of my blouse. Good thing it was a hot day and it was almost dry by the time I got to the car.
I am just beginning to feel the fill. Of course yesterday was my first day on real food again. I had some tuna salad yesterday and felt stuck after 3 bits. Now the reason why........... During the unfil 1. I was able to eat more. 2. I started eating faster. 3. I quit chewing as much. 4. I was even sipping during eating. Even though I am 10 months out from surgery the old habits and thoughts creep back in so easy. Okay it is back on the wagon for me. Back to the band rules
I am just beginning to feel the fill. Of course yesterday was my first day on real food again. I had some tuna salad yesterday and felt stuck after 3 bits. Now the reason why........... During the unfil 1. I was able to eat more. 2. I started eating faster. 3. I quit chewing as much. 4. I was even sipping during eating. Even though I am 10 months out from surgery the old habits and thoughts creep back in so easy. Okay it is back on the wagon for me. Back to the band rules
3 more Days till FILL
Jul 31, 2007
As bad as I need a fill, I am beginning to not want it. Okay, let me explain. I have so little in my band that I can eat almost anything at anytime. The things I paid for to stop me from eatting are no longer there. All the old habits have slowly returned and I have gained. Yes, I want the fill but I remember how it was before the unfill. It was all caused by the Pneumonia, I understand this but I remember the PB, vomiting, and being stuck on anything. I am almost afraid to go back to the fill. Before the Pneumonia I was at a good place almost at my sweet spot, now I have to slowly get back to that place. It is like starting over! That is the problem. I know I can't get all my fill back at one time, I wish I could but I know it would be more problems than I want to deal with. So between now and Friday morning I will be putting on my pretend band or go on a protein liquid diet to prepare me.
I want a fill!!!!
Jul 19, 2007
I want a fill. Sad to say but since I had so much taken out because of being sick I can now eat too much. I was almost at "just right". Now I got to start, almost from the beginning again. I know I will have to have at least 2 fills to get back to where I was a 1 1/2 months ago. I have started swimming again. I was sick for over a month and just didn't have the energy. 4th of July I ate way to much Ice Cream. Once you fall off that wagon it sure is hard to run to catch up and then jump back on without falling off again. Yes, I did lose when I was sick, but I gained as soon as the desire for food came back. I also fell into a jar of peanut butter. Bad Bad me. I am scheduled for a fill August 3 so I got to pull myself together during this time.
About Me
Mt. Juliet, TN
Location
32.9
BMI
Feb 16, 2004
Member Since
