Kathy L.

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Ok, here is my disclaimer:  If you are bi-polar, I am in no way trying to make light of your condition. 

Ok, having said that - as I stood on the scale this morning, CURSING LIKE A SAILOR, I thought - "my weight loss is bi-polar".  UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN.  You never know when it's going to suddenly stop, change, go UP (God forbid but it happens) or start losing again for no reason.  It's like walking on egg shells.  Right now, I am at 258.8.  On the 16th, I was at 257.8.  What the hell is that all about?  I did eat out quite a bit the week after my birthday, thanks to a bunch of friends (and I enjoyed every lunch thankyouverymuch because I like being with friends).  But I still don't think that's it.  I'm taking vitamins, tracking food - blah blah blah.  This is just one of those stalls that happens but damn - do they have to happen so often lately?  I read some of my friends blogs and think - why can't I be like that?  Yes, I know, this is a whine but I don't care.  I just hope this stall breaks soon.  I just feel like I'm on a roller coaster lately with this weight loss and all of the emotions that go with it.  And I always get that nagging thing in my head - IS THIS IT?  God I hope not.  I look at other people who STARTED their journey where I am now and suddenly I get filled with regrets of why didn't I do that??  Why did I wait until I was 350 to start this? 

Ok, enough of the pity party for today.

Now, here is my goal for this week.  I will NOT STEP ON THE SCALE UNTIL MONDAY, 9/1.  Do you hear me people???  Keep me accountable!  I WILL NOT STEP ON THE SCALE AGAIN UNTIL MONDAY 9/1!!  Let's see if I can do it.

Ok, on to more happy news.  Despite the fact that I was obsessing the morning over the lack of weight loss, as I was walking across the parking lot at work, one of my co-workers drove by, rolled her window down and whistled at me!!  I had to laugh at that!  And then I walked in with another woman who, as soon as she saw me, said omg, you are wasting away to nothing.  Now those kind of comments keep you going!!!

By the way, I have been taking my vitamins regularly now but no difference in the weight loss.  I'll still take them because I need them but darn, it didn't make a difference in my stalls/losses.  Oh well, it was worth a try to experiment.

It's my 40th Birthday today!!  I threw myself a birthday party this past weekend (Saturday).  We had about 80 people total (including the kids).  It was a blast!  We rented the "Woman's Club" building in town and had it catered (bbq & chicken & all the fixings).  This was the first time in a LONG TIME that I actually didn't mind having my picture taken!  I have posted a few on the blog for you to see.  I tried to get pictures with a lot of friends.  It was so much fun.  And I was 92 lbs lighter at the time of the party!  I'm 93 as of today.  I need to update my ticker! 

I got SO MANY compliments on how I looked and on the particular outfit I had on that day.  It was great.  Ken said people kept coming up to him and talking about how great I looked too! 

Today at work, my cubicle was decorated - but not in black, it was in pink.  They told me that my personality was too cheerful for black.  What a sweet thing to say!  I will upload a picture of that after I finish this blog too.  My hubby brought flowers by work to surprise me and then a friend sent me flowers with a sweet note.  I even got a tiara today to wear - I am loving this turning 40 thing!

Life is good!

I was reading Ang's post about taking her vitamins religiously and started thinking.  Mmm.  She's been doing so great with her weight loss and I keep losing and stalling.  Maybe that is the key?  I know it's important but I know I've been slack about taking them.  I take my blood pressure and thyroid pills FAITHFULLY but for some reason I just can't seem to take the vitamins.  My nut says I have to wait 2 hours after the thyroid meds to take the multi.  Then 2 hours after the multi to take the FIRST calcium citrate, then 2 hours after the first one to take the second one.  Then 2 hours after the 2nd one to take the 3rd (and last) one.  He says I can't take them all together because they will "bind" together.  And, he says I can't absorb all of the calcium citrate at one time so that's why I have to space it out.  I think that's why I'm slack on the vitamins - so much work!  I do ok during the work week when I'm sitting at a desk for 8 hours.  The weekends are the worst. 

I wonder what is worse - skipping them because of the hassle or just taking them all at once and taking my chances on them "binding"?  If you're reading this, send me a message and tell me what your nut said to you about taking vitamins.

I think I should try it for 2 weeks at least - faithfully - every day - just to see if it makes a difference.  Now I know I should do it every day regardless but what I'm talking about it is doing an experiment to see if this is has an effect on my "stalls"?

It's worth a shot. 

Do you think it makes a difference?

I have a friend from work that has always been very supportive and very complimentary since the surgery.  I saw him this morning.  He asked if I wanted a cookie he was having and I said no, I had already eaten breakfast and wasn't hungry.  He said oh, what did you have?  I told him that I normally have a South Beach Cereal Bar but this morning I was in the mood for eggs so I had a Sausage Burrito from McDonalds.  His comment as he laughed?  "Oh, well that's the way to lose weight."


Ok, that PISSES ME OFF! 

This is my first "negative" comment from anyone in 5 months.  Maybe that's why I'm taking it so hard.  Combined with the fact that it's coming from someone that is usually my biggest supporter.

I don't have to defend my food choices to anyone.  However, his comment has left me feeling bad about myself today and in my mind I keep saying over and over - well I don't do this very often - maybe once a week I have something other than a Cereal Bar for breakfast.  But then again, I haven't been happy that I'm not losing so maybe that wasn't a good choice today, it's all my fault - I am a pathetic loser who will fail with this surgery!!!

Ok, that last part was just me being a drama queen but you get the jist of what I'm saying, right?  I know I am not a loser, etc but still you have those fleeting thoughts that like to creep up in your mind sometimes, don't you?

Ok, enough ranting.  I'm still pissed but I'll get over it.

It's so strange to think that it's been 5 months since surgery!  On one hand, it seems like it was just yesterday but then sometimes it feels like it's been 5 years! 

I've almost lost 87 and I'm feeling good.  My weight loss has really slowed down ALOT which concerns me a little.  I feel like I can eat a lot more now and that concerns me too.  I am snacking way too much and I need to cut it out.

I am happy to report that my hair loss is finally slowing!  YEEHAW!  I think that was bothering me more than anything.  It's still falling out but not at the rate it was a month ago.

I'm still getting comments at work, which is nice, especially since they see me every day and sometimes it's hard to tell when you see someone daily.  Just today someone said "Hey skinny" as I was walking down the hall.  Comments like that make me smile and keep me going.

Still no problems eating and I have now tried everything - carbonation, sugar, etc etc.  Nothing at all makes me sick.  That is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

I'm still working out at the gym twice a week.  I'd like for it to be more but it's just not possible.  I have lost 47.5 inches since I began this journey which is amazing to me!

I posted 5 month pics!  I can tell a little bit of difference from 3 months to 5 months (I got busy and didn't take 4 months).  I wish I could tell more of a dramatic difference.

I read about others who have lost 100 plus lbs and continue to lose rapidly and I'm disappointed that that's not me!!  I'm still shooting for 100 by the 18th of this month!!

It's the little things that amaze me on a daily basis.  For example - being able to bend down in the floorboard of the car and pick up something.  I was driving last week and something fell in the drivers side floorboard.  Before surgery I would have had to leave it there and get out of the car to pick it up.  I reached down (at a stoplight of course!) and picked it right up.  I'm not as tired all of the time, I don't run out of breath, my knees don't ache every day and I'm actually even COLD sometimes!  LOL!!  I was ALWAYS HOT and sweating before surgery.  Not anymore.  Like I said, it's the little things that matter!

I still have that occasional nagging in my brain "Is this it" when the weight loss fluctuates so much.  But I'm hoping to overcome that and have another jumpstart of losses.  It's really up to me now to make the right choices since I can eat or drink anything I want.  Oh, there is one thing I still haven't tried - alcohol.  I'll try that soon.  I've never been a big drinker anyway but I'm curious as to how it will affect me now.

Enjoy the pics!

Well the Good News is that I don't dump!  Jason and I made M&M cookie bars this weekend I had 2 (in a row on an empty stomach).  I didn't have any ill effects at all.  I'd like to be able to tell you that I didn't like them, sweet stuff doesn't taste good anymore, blah blah blah....but......the truth is...they were SO GOOD!! 

The Bad News is....I don't dump! 

I had this feeling that I wouldn't dump because everything I've eaten so far has gone down fine.  But, now I know.  So I just have to be vigilant about choosing to eat the right things and saving the junk foods for occasional treats.  After all, this surgery is not a "cure", it's a tool.  And like all tools, you have to work with it and make it work for you.  The way I will do that is to avoid high sugar foods and choose low sugar or even better, high protein foods in it's place. 

I'm excited because I'm thisclose to 85 lbs.  I'm trying for 100 lbs by August 18th (my 40th birthday).  I know I can do it!

I try to stay upbeat and positive as much as I can but I've gotta tell ya - having my hair fall out is really getting to me.  I know it will end eventually but right now it doesn't feel like it will ever end.  I could run my hands through my hair right now and 20 strands would be in the palm of my hand when I finished.  I have always had extremely thick hair and I'm sure my friends can't tell a difference, but *I* can tell.  And it's bugging the crap out of me.  I am frustrated with taking a shower, washing my hair and after I rinse it, I have to rub my hands together and put all of the hair in a ball and put it on the side of the shower until I can get out and throw it in the trash.  I have to do this several times.  I have at least 3 "balls" of hair to throw away every time.  I'm just ready for this phase of the surgery to be over!  It's too hot in NC to have to wear a wig - hahaha.

Ok, that's the end of my rant and whine.  Tune in next time when I'll be more positive and upbeat!

Wow - can't believe how long it's been since I posted.  I just realized that I didn't take 4 month pictures this month!  Damn!!  I was supposed to take them on 7/3.  Let's see, it's 7/14 now.  I guess I will just have to skip this month!  I hate that.  I was doing so well taking pictures too!  I did take measurements.  Ken's been working really long hours lately so by the time he gets home, I'm already ready for bed and don't want to take pictures in my pj's!!  Life sure has been busy lately.

We just got back from a business trip in Atlanta.  (My company).  We had a good time.  Hey - didn't even need a seat belt extender on the flight - woo hoo!  I still don't fit "normally" in the seat - thankfully Ken is small.  But, it was very manageable and I have no complaints.  We did a LOT of walking in Atlanta.  I got tired just because it was so freaking hot but I didn't get out of breath like I would have before surgery.  That part was nice. 

Oh, and the compliments were nice too!!  Saw lots of people that I hadn't seen in a while and also wives of employees that I hadn't seen in a while.  I wish I could have taken pictures of their WIDE EYES as they looked at me and said - wow, you look great!!!  Reminds me of the credit card commercials..."priceless". 

The only bad part of the trip was my period started - THE DAY WE LEFT - and is still hanging on.  (insert curse words here).  4 days away from my child, ALONE WITH MY HUSBAND and this is what happens.  GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

I had some carbonation for the first time!  We were invited to hospitality suites every night.  I wasn't brave enough to try alcohol but Friday night I decided to try a Diet Mountain Dew.  It went down fine - no problems at all.  I ended up having 3 the whole time we were there.  Oh, also had some Diet Coke on the plane.  No problems there either.  I don't plan on making it a habit but it was nice to fit one more piece of the "normalcy puzzle" into place, if you know what I mean.

Life is really good.  So far, nothing I've tried has bothered me.  I'm still holding off on the high sugar things.  I don't want to go down that road.  But everything else is great.  I am so thankful and so lucky and I know it.  I read about people that have problems with certain foods and some that just have digestion problems in general after surgery and I am so thankful I am not one of them.  If you are reading this and you are having problems, I am truly sorry for that.  I can't imagine what you are going through. 

That's about all that's going on right now.  Life is just trucking along and I'm trying to keep up!  I'll try to update more regularly but please know that all of my "friends" are in my thoughts a lot!!! 

 

 

 

Do you like the Wizard of Oz reference?  LOL!!  I had my 3 month follow up today.  It went very well.  It was pretty much the same group from the 3 week follow up (plus a few more) so it was nice to see everyone.  There was also one person from my pre op group that wasn't in the 3 week group, so it was nice to see her too.  Anyway, the drill was the psychologist first - I know they do this because otherwise no one would go to this appt.  Because in all reality, it doesn't do a thing for me.  I like the social part of it - seeing everyone and listening to everyone talk about how they are doing it but do we really need a psychologist in there listening to it - and laughing at everything we're saying?  NO!!!  It was like we were entertaining her with our funny stories (don't get me wrong, she didn't laugh AT anyone, she laughed with us but somtimes she laughed a little too hard if you know what I mean).  I concluded the same thing Ken (bluedog) sitting beside me did - the woman just needs to get laid.  Ken is a different Ken than my husband Ken.  He is a gastric bypass patient I met on line and then he ended up in my 3 week group and we met face to face.  He had me laughing so hard today with his comments (under his breath so only I could hear).  I guess we got carried away because the psych "shushed" us.  LOL!  He made it very entertaining for me (thanks Ken if you are reading this!).  After that, the nut came in and gave us the green light on trying anything we want to - including carbonation!  My first information from them said not until 6 months out but I guess they are changing their program some because we got the ok today.  I'm going to try some Diet Mountain Dew again sometime in the near future.  The only other thing I'm going to try to refrain from as long as possible is high sugar items.  I am going to try rice sometime too.  After the nut, I saw the nurse practicioner.  She was pleased with everything.  In fact, it was a strange visit.  We talked for just a few minutes and that was it.  Basically *I* talked - just told her things were going well and listed my complaints - my hair is falling out (that's normal and will slow down after 6 months out), my bruises (she said I'm probably just not paying attention to what I am hitting because my blood work is good and doesn't indicate any underlying problem) and the last thing was the stalls.  She said this was just my body's way of dumping my excess weight - lose and stall, lose and stall.  Then she said something that made me smile - she said - Like it or not, you're GOING to continue to lose for the next 9 months or so.  Now THAT'S what I like to hear!!  Anyway, that was that.  They were going to do bloodwork but since the liver doctor did some about 6 weeks ago, they didn't do it again.  I left there and went to the gym to work out and then picked Jason up and met Ken at Lonestar for dinner.  I had most of a dinner salad and about 3/4 cup chili.  It was all good.

Oh, the other thing about today - I saw the guys from work that I hadn't seen in a while (some I've seen since surgery and some not at all).  The reactions were great!!  I got 'woofed' again and lots of wide eyes and "you look so great" comments.  I soaked it all in and can't wait for the next time I see them (which will be at a meeting July 22nd).  

We have the day off tomorrow and we're going to the beach to spend the night.  I'm looking forward to getting away (Jason is going with us too).  Should be fun and I'm not worried at all about eating.  It's good not to have that worry anymore.  I'm lucky to be able to tolerate foods so well so I know I will find things to eat without a problem.  I just need to remember to take enough water!

Right after my last posting, my weight loss stopped again.  I swear if I was a superstituous person, I would say I am jinxing myself - lol.  "If", things are normal for me this month, next week would be when I get my next period.  So maybe that's the problem.  Of course, here is the ironic thing - for once, I DON'T want to be normal!  We are going to the beach next Friday to spend one night and I don't want to be on my period then!  Ok, enough period talk.

Things are going fairly well.  Ken and I went on a date last night.  It was so much fun!!  We went to Outback Steakhouse.  I ate about 1/3 of the Spinach Artichoke Dip appetizer and a cup of clam chowder. It was exactly what I wanted and it was good - didn't get stuck, didn't get overly full - in other words - FELT NORMAL!!!  Afterwards we went bowling and then like a couple of kids, played at the arcade - skee ball, etc afterwards.  Then we went to a place called Yancy's Jazz and listened to a band - that was a lot of fun.  The last time we were there was our anniversary - which was about a month before surgery.  It was amazing how much better I felt this time - I fit in the seat at the bar without a problem, moved through the crowds without a problem - *almost* got up there and danced to "Proud Mary" with the other ladies (they were trying to get 10 up there).  I'm still not *that* brave yet - but give me time (and a few more pounds off)   All in all it was a great evening.

The only thing bothering me these days is that I am losing my hair.  I thought I would be one of the lucky ones - after all my nut said if I didn't lose during other surgeries or giving birth, I wouldn't lose now.  Well obviously he doesn't know what he is talking about because within the last week or so, mine has started coming out.  I only notice it when I wash it - so I only wash it every other day now.  But it's coming out quite a bit - about 50 strands every time I wash it.  I have very thick hair so I guess I can spare it but I don't like it.  My hair is also feeling very coarse.  It is usually pretty soft.  But, I knew this could happen.  Hopefully it will end sooner rather than later.

I'm looking forward to this week.  I have my 3 month surgery check up on Thursday.  I'm looking forward to seeing the others from my group to see how everyone has been doing.  There is also a meeting at work on Thursday and I'll see some of the guys - including the one that "woofed" me about a month ago.  I can't wait for that