Mama76
Where do I start? So many place each with a story of their own. I was a very skinny child my parents and grand parents were always worried because I was always sick with a cough. At one time when I was younger both my parents went away I think they said they were gone for a month something to do with my fathers oil wells. While they were gone I gain something like 30lbs in that month apparently I had separation anxiety(sp) disorder at the age of 4 or 5 I believe. From that time on I had a weight problem. I remember being a small child at the doctors office and the doctor demeaned me by showing me a weight chart and showed me a where regular girls weight was and then he looked at me and said "your over weight because your weight is here" (which was quite a bit higher than the other girls) "your fat." That hurt my feelings I remember looking at my mother for some comfort or something maybe to defend me anything. I received no such sympathies from her. I remember being served dinner on a small plate eating alone then being confined to my room while everyone else in my family ate dinner (not what I had). I remember crying because I was hungry and begging my little sister who was just a little thing to bring me food. I always got into trouble I will always remember that. When I became a teenager it was no different except I think my parents gave up on me so my weight soared again. I wore a jean jacket everyday if I went out of the house it didn't matter if it was the middle of summer. I cried everyday of Jr high my mom does remember that. I was ridiculed and put down all day what a moral booster (right). High school was wonderful I started smoking, drinking and hung around with some kids that were going on where with their lives but they accepted me and I guess that's all that mattered. I did meet two girls that are still my friends to this day but I kind of pushed myself on them I know they would not have singled me out as a friend they told me so years later. After high school I continued to struggle with my weight I was on and off of every diet although the only one that really worked for me was not eating and drinking I actually lost weight, and probably a few extra brain cells. When I finally quite drinking I started gaining weight again. I continued with the diets and finally one day just gave up. I thought why don't I get it over with and just get really fat! I still feel that way some days a lot of days.....I hunger to be thin no grotesque but skinny just once in my life. Is that too much to ask? I now have a wonderful little girl and an amazing husband (who's had the surgery and lost almost 300lbs) who I love more than life itself! I should be thankful I even lost weight during my pregnancy (which it took two years to get pregnant) although the baby thrived just fine. I now am a stay at home mom and I feel like the blob of course I just had a knee procedure and am down with a URI. I belong to a Moms Club and am very active but I don't think any other mothers are as big as I am. It makes me feel very out of place even though they are very accepting me. I do it for my daughter that's why I am struggling forward with this procedure so I can hold my grand children or maybe have a few more children! I want to grow old with my husband hes so supportive I can ask for nothing greater than the love I have already encompassed in my life. Although I am asking God for a second chance something to help me lose weight so I can maybe feel more normal. So my little girl won't be embarrassed of her mother as she gets older.....
