nan41

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Just got back from my doctor appointment with my diabetic doctor.  he is pleased with all the blood work.  The weight is the same.  but have only been doing this for a week, I did 30 minutes last night.  I am going to try and not eat any carbs but my toast in the morning and see if my sugary go up at all.   I do not think they will.  Then if I do not take the insulin then I can lose the weight faster.  But I have to keep up this process.  I know it will work.  When we go back in Dec I will ask to get weighed again and see if I have lost any.  I know I am losing it in my waist.  I can feel it in my clothes.  I have to believe this will work for me.  It has to.  And I have to remember that it is ok to be thin, and that I can do this. 

It has almost been a week of doing the treadmill again and it feels great.  I did 27 minutes last night and hope to do the same gain tonight.  I also lost 1 inch again so will find out tomorrow at the doctor what the weight is now.  Hoping it is in the 230, would like to be 235 or less but we will see.  And then to keep going I am so close to being out of the 200 would love that .  Would also love to be out of the 20 which would be around a 38.  Then it would be doing good.  I know I can do this, I have to start to eat more right,  I know I am not eating alot of wrong foods but have to stop the ones I am. 

Ok so I started again this week with the treadmill and have to stay at doing this.  I feel maybe the eating will come with or once I start to exercise more and more.  I will start to feel better and then I will start to eat better.  I find that I think alot of everything I am putting in my mouth.  But I have not stopped putting in the wrong stuff yet.  But I hope to get better at doing it.   I do not want to be the person who when for the surgery and then not be able to eat lots but eat the wrong thing and then still gain weight or stay the same.  i want to get out of the 200 and to get out of the size 24 paints. It is so hard when I feel I am doing it alone.  I also worry about when I eat the wrong things if it has to do with the diabetic and sugary stuff, then I think I am going to lose my other eye, which scary me but the doctor said that would not happen, but what if he is wrong, I do not want to go blind and not see my son grow up and marry someone or to see my grandchild.  but why is this not enough for me to stop eating the junk....I know it is something I have to do on my own.  I have to take it one step at a time.  And not worry about the outcome, but it is always at the back of my mind.

I came on here to get some help as to reading what people write and stuff but I do not think it is helping, I get depressed when I read someone is off there diabetic medication after 6 weeks or so, I am a year out and take just as much as I did before surgery, people are losing pants sizes, not me, still the same paints a year later, it is just depressing cause i do not eat the same way I use to.  The portions are smaller, and I mostly eat chicken, do not have lots of bread like I use to,  I know I need to exercise more, I have to get this under control, or I will fail and I do not want to do that.  I need to find the strenght in my self so so much.

I think I am going to go back and do what I was doing at the start when I first started to eat, which was only eat spag sauce, I did that for month that is what I ate at lunch, till I started to add cracker and bread to ti, but this time I will stay at doing it like I did at the bigging and eat my chicken at night.  Once I get the money this week I will do that.  I was losing weight then and now I am not, so I am going to go back to the beginning   It seamed to work, of course I was doing the treadmill also, which I have to get back to.  I am also thinking of food all the time, which is not good.  I want to eat everything but I know I can not, that is the one thing my stomach will hurt but I will not have a dumping   Right now it is taking all I can not to go get a choc bar that they have here at work, even thou I know I will have to take lots of insulin to counter act the sugar in my system.  I do not need it, as I have had a couple of cookies (no sugar) to crave the sugar thing I want and it is just I am tired and when I get tired I get or lose my will power,  But I have to say I am more aware of the feelings and know how much I think of it,  I never really thought of it before, but now I do think of it alot.  And maybe that is what is good, to be more aware.

I just read about someone who is a year out and have lost over 100 pounds and has gone down lots of sizes.  I have lost around 60 and do not feel like I have lost any paints sizes.  I am still wearing the same pants that I was just before the surgery... I think I was bigger then I thought I was.  I know I was wearing streaty paints, now I am wearing the jeans but they are size 24 and I am a little bigger than that so I guess I made them bigger.  The doctor said I am a size 26 so I do not think I will every have to worry about a plastic surgery, do not know if I will ever lose the weight I am suppose to.  I am still eating to much, that my stomach is sore, I need to stop this mad ness, but how.  Maybe tomorrow will be better. Today just sucks.

So last week I really messed up with Ken being gone, as I did not get the sleep I needed and did not do the treadmill the way I should have.  I even had chips to try, not really a good idea, since I do not dump.  but I also found I do not have the cravings I use to.  Yes I ate the chips but it was not like I had to eat the whole bag, I endup up giving most to Ken, and I ate them slow also, not fast like I use to.  I have to start back to the Treadmill on Thursday,  tonight is the movie night so I will be late getting in and tomorrow is parent teacher interview, so will be late again.  But I have to start to get back to doing it for me. I will never lose the weight if I do not exercise, I feel better when I do and seam to be more focused on what I eat.  I did not write down what I ate last week either so that was not that good.  This is my other job, to focus on me, because I need more time for me.  I have to let go of the past it is the only think I can think of that is making me keep the weight on.  I feel bad, not good when I eat stuff I am not suppose to so why do I do it.  My stomach feels bad but not enough to make me stop, my feet hurt because of the sugar going high. I have to gain control. More so then I have.

I had posted something yesterday here but my computer froze and it did not go.  I was saying how I went to the doctor and he has said everything is good with my blood work, which was great.  I had lost 2 pounds and was kind of disappointed but it has only been 2 weeks since I started to watch what I was eating and have a couple of slips.   But I did 20 minutes on the treadmill last night. 

I will increase that to 30 minutes or more.  I am trying for 30 minutes next week.  I am doing slow steps so maybe I will not lose track again.

I was thinking how much do I still need to lose, and it is still 90 pounds, where it use to be 150 so that is good.  60 pounds are gone and I do not want them back.  Of course I have to do little steps just think of losing the next 10 pounds, then keep going from there.  If I think of the big number it is to much.  Think of losing 10 pounds in the nest month, I hope by my next doctor appointment.  We will wait and see.  if it more that is great. 

Remember one day at a time, one meal at a time.  Have to watch the water intake, not getting enough, have to increase that .

I figured if I post on here maybe I will keep on track.  I know that this is not easy. I thought it would be so easy but it is not.  I have to be thinking all the time of what I am putting in my mouth.  One day at a time, one meal at a time is what I have to do. I know I am a picky eater and do not like alot of things but I do know I like all the bad things, like cookies and cake and choc bars and sugary cereal which I have stopped taking a lot of I just have to get it almost perfect everyday, to keep on track.   It is worth it.  I am doing my tread mill every day about 20 minutes I think next week I will move it up to 30.  I also think if I come here at lunch then maybe I will not overeat.  One good think is I have lots of fruit to eat instead of going for the bad carbs.  It is better when I eat the fruit.  I do not eat lots of it at one time and my sugars last week were very good. This weekend when I did not keep track I took to much insulin and has lows and really bad highs.  So I know it works, just have to keep focused.