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Almost 12 weeks now... I think I have emotionally accepted that I cannot eat the way I used too. sometimes it is still mildly frusterating... But most of the time I do not feel depribed at all. I am feelin sexy? I know I am not there yet but the weight loss along with the career growth is making me feel alot more confident. I will be Assistant Nurse Manager for unit 5P. yeahhhh. Next move....head nurse??? workin my way up the VA ladder... I love the VA. I love my job. I am not sure where my marriage is headed.. but 27 years in a not so swell relationship is bound to need reexamination with the changes I am going thru... We will see... anyway.. I do not regret for a moment the decision to have this surgery, just that I didnt have it done sooner but hey, cant change that now. Loving life:)

So.... 30 # down....100 to go:)
I feel like it is going slow...I have to tell myself to be real...I missed 30 # in a month by 1 day.... nothing to sneeze at! I keep telling myself it is entirely possible that by this time next month I could be down 50 #. At this time next year I should be at least very close to goal weight...I have to get my butt out and move more though. I have to quit being this slug.
And may I never forget the importaince of fiber, hydration and stool softners lest I must go to the Prep H, tucks, ice, and finally the dreaded VICODEN!!! Oh my gosh, I dont remember having that kind of pain in my nether regions even after childbirth.  
Well, Protien shakes are more difficult to make myself drink than I could have imagined before.... I am probably eating 3 oz of food at a time which makes me a little nervous... I need to watch that! So far the riskyest I have been is to eat a sugar free turtle... 1 = 75 cals... not quite worth it...wont make a habit of that one. I think I will figure out my own recipe for PB cups... Made some not so sugar free last year and they were awesome....
Cool news..Dog Chapman the Bounty hunter is in GRAND JUNCTION.. better check my warrents:)Would be cool to see them.

So.. Here I am 3 weeks later... I know what a stall is...lol 20 lb in 2 weeks and the last week nothing..... It amazes me that my body can function normally on so little and not lose weight. I know that it will begin to drop again.. I just need patience. By this time next year I do expect to weigh less than I have in more than 20 years. I know it will happen. I have always been good at "Keeping my eye on the prize" or knowing that it will happen in its time.
But, I think I have a insicion that is infected.. ok I know it is but I think it is very mild. My sis is a wound care nurse and she is gonna have a look see. This too will pass...lol  
All in all I have no real complications. I survived my furst dumping syndrome... I am eating all I want and then some..... Hey, My blood pressure medication is almost not needed. Blood sugars running 120-130. I already am healthier... Need to walk more. All in all no regrets!

So 20 lb down....I have kinda run the gammit in 2 wks:) I feel pretty good physically, sometimes a little depressed.... Grieved the food. perpexed that I dont want to eat all the  time... trying to get all the vits, calcium, protien and O2 in.... is a chore. I have not yet regretted this decision and really dont anticipate I will. I do miss Taco Bell....lol. Love that mexican food!!! oh well I look down the road and see 1 taco at a time in my future instead of 4-5...lol. I feel totally blessed that I have not had any real problems, no throwing up,very little nausea, one dumping episode(learning experience) cant wait to get back to work...Promotion waiting:)Life is basically good.

15 lbs down.....bagillion to go...lol    WOW coming off fast right now. I guess I had better enjoy it ...and stop getting on the scale every day. I am still tired but there is alot of adjusting and healing going on right now too. I cant wait for pureed food:)  (hu? never thought Id be saying that....)   Haveing hot humid(strange for Colorado) days lately so I cant just get out and walk, I have to go to the gym....need to today.

It is over....surgery went well. only hang up is how dang sensative I am to the dang drugs.. anethiesia, and morphine and vicoden.....yuck ! for all you still anticipating I am on day 5 and have been drug free for more than 24 hours....I only hurt when I twist or stand up or stuff. sitting down hurts 0. It has not been as bad as I feared. I did have a bout with temp over 101 on saterday but took baby tylenol and stayed hydrated and it went away. My guess, inflamation. times like these I wish I had Ibuprofen(drug of choice). no problems so far with getting enough fluids , protien shakes seem to be holding for now. Makes me wonder if i really do have a pouch now....no problems...sweet:)

Things I will not miss.....not being able to cross my legs, not being ableto lay my arms at my side comfortably,  Gerd, blood pressure, gerd and diabetis medications, shortness of breath, knee and ankle pain, feeling like people think I am dumb and lazy because of how I look, being invisable, having to buy off the fat racks(not cute 'regular'size clothes), worry I wont fit in a chair(or it will cling to me when I stand up),

things I will miss: icecream, gorging myself in emotional crisis, so hey, thats not too bad....hu

Goals: learn how to eat healthy for the rest of my life, knocking food down a few notches on my priority list, play with my grandson as much as I can, Get my son growed up(OMG he is 21), call my best friend more, get my masters....:), boost the career, travel


so there it is , a reminder of a few things.

2 weeks away from surgery date. I have done some research on this site and have found that my cold feet are pretty normal.. Plans for today, go find vitamins and protein shakes. I have got to start a regular exercise routine. Count down began yesterday when I realized it is so close..... I will make it:)

Amazing thing happened.......
   I am 43 years old and feel that plus a few. My knees are going bad. I notice the circualtion in my legs slowing.....thank you to diabetes. I am a nurse so i know how and why and all those things but I have been MORBIDLY obese for over 15 years. You see different types of discrimination around but funny how little fat discrimination is talked about. So basically even though here I am 43, two great kids, married 24 years recieved my BSN in December, and this weight seems to make me feel like a failure. I do think I have pretty good self esteem other than feeling invisable.
    Any way, I decided that I needed to become healthy so I can play with my grandkids when I have them. My daughter is 22 and married 3 years so I felt it could happen at any time. I have my first consultation with Dr. Jonell in September, I have no idea how soon the surgery will happen.  
So my daughter called last week and told me i am going to a grandma. I have to say it was one of the happiest moments of my life....and perfect timing. By the time I have a bouncy, curly headed toddler to run after I should be able to do it:) I am so excited and I am looking forward to the journey.