Schmeesa

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I'm back on thedailyplate.com tracking my intake. My weight loss hasn't budged in months and I'm sure it's becuase of the carb situation. The first thing I realized is that my protein intake had slipped down way too far, so I've decided to shoot for 100 grams every day no matter what, in hopes that I won't have enough room or desire to eat junky carbs after that. I snacked all day today, and having a big bowl of fresh blackberries on my desk really helped with the munchies. I am craving berries like crazy right now. Today's calories: 1370, protein: 101g, fiber: 22g, carbs: 163g. My carbs are way too high and I will do better planning for tomorrow.

You know what I can't buy? Hostess 100-calorie packs of Golden Cake with Creamy Filling. They come in a box of 6 packs, and I just found out that I can nibble on them all day for two days until the whole box is gone, 100 calories at a time. Whoops. Oh, and they don't have enough creamy filling in them, anyway.

Yesterday I had a 1-year followup appointment with the study I'm participating in, called "Longitudinal Assessment of Bariatric Surgery" or LABS. I'm so glad I signed up for it, because before my surgery, they took baseline measurements, weighed me and assessed my body fat, and had me walk 1/4 mile with a timer. There were several questionnaires to fill in, as well. My visit yesterday was incredible-I got to compare all of my current results with my pre-surgery ones, and I was blown away by how far I've come. I've lost over 10 inches in my waist (that's almost a foot!) and 2.5 inches in my neck. My blood pressure is 117/72, down from 139/82. My resting heart rate has gone down 15 beats per minute. Walking that quarter mile was such a piece of cake, unlike last year when I was very short of breath, overheated, and in severe pain in my hips, back, knees, and feet. Seeing my answers to the questionnaires from a year ago really showed me that I am doing even better now than I could have imagined. I wish I could go back in time and give my pre-op self a hug and say, "You might feel hopeless at the moment, but it's all going to be OK". 

Sometimes I feel discouraged that I'll never make my goal weight, and frustrated that the weight loss has stopped so soon for me and I'm still obese, but yesterday made me remember how far I've come. I have gotten used to feeling great and having lots of energy-the way I am now feels like the "real" me, and it's easy to forget how hard getting through life was before. So, if anyone reading this is in the pre-op phase, please know that it's going to be OK. Faster than you can imagine, you will have your life back. Your struggles as a morbidly obese person will soon be a memory of the past. Hang in there!

For my 40th birthday, Tom completely surprised me by popping the question. We were at Fort Clatsop, outside in the woods, with a guy in a Davy Crockett hat in the background lecturing to a group of schoolkids-it was so funny. Tom had walked a bit into the forest and was on one knee taking pictures of a mossy tree. I came over to look at what he was shooting, when suddenly he pulled out a jewelry box, opened it to show the most gorgeous ring, and made the most beautiful proposal ever! My jaw dropped and I almost fainted, I was so shocked. We then had a lovely romantic weekend in Astoria. We are going to the courthouse on May 16 to make it legal, then having a reception on August 9. We're keeping everything simple and low-key. I love being engaged-it makes me feel all glowy and girly and romantic. I've been trying different hairstyles and painting my nails and doing my makeup, much more than I have in years. I'm even considering ditching the glasses and wearing contacts most of the time. I've hidden behind my glasses for years-this is a huge step. We went to a cake-tasting on Friday, which was lovely. Even though I had some dinner before the tasting, I ended up dumping pretty hard afterwards. I've noticed that I dump on cake with frosting way more than any other sweet-it must be the combination of fat and sugar. I can eat a whole McDonald's ice cream cone with no trouble, though. Yes, I'm embarrassed to say that I actually tried it one day.  Why I decided to tempt fat like that, I don't know-old habits die hard, and I am really struggling with them. 

My weight hasn't budged in months-it's pretty upsetting because it looks like I quit losing at only 9 months out. I thought the "honeymoon" phase was supposed to last much longer? My one-year surgery anniversary is coming up and I'm 50 lbs away from goal, and it looks like I'll never get there. The good news is, I'm firmly in size 10 pants, and even bought a pair of size 8s that I am comfortably wearing! I've never been a single digit size as an adult-it feels wonderful, I must say. On top I'm a different story-I'm mostly in a 14 blouse or dress. Maybe some day I'll be a size 8 on top? That would be incredible!

I am taking some time off from thedailyplate.com because I was constantly obsessing on my food intake. I started to feel like it was leading me to disordered eating, and that it was taking up way too much of my time and energy. On the RNY board I occasionally contribute to the "what did you eat today" posts, and every single time I was eating by far more calories than anyone else. Most of the posters are getting fewer than 1,000 calories a day. I don't know if it's because the others had their surgery more recently, or if the more "normal" eaters don't post, or what. It was starting to make me feel like I'm a failure and a pig. On Sunday at the Oregon Forum breakfast I talked to two RNY patients; one who is 5 years out, and one who is 4 years out. Both look fantastic, and neither of them has regained, and neither of them counts calories or tracks her intake. They both told me that, for them, it's all about moderation and being sensible. They have occasional treats like alcohol or dessert, and don't waste time beating themselves up because they had a cookie. It was such a relief to me that this sort of life is possible without a huge regain! I am trying for a while to just eat intuitively and mindfully and see where it takes me. I don't want to see foods as "good" or "bad" or judge each day based solely on my food choices. For now, my plan is to do the best I can and trust that I'm doing what's best for me.

I hate to admit this, but I am sleeping like a rock now and woke up this morning feeling refreshed and non-cranky. It's clearly because I'm not drinking coffee. I am so mad! Last night, made black bean/banana tacos from bakingbites.com and they were such a winner. I modified it by adding squeezed lime and swapping feta cheese for cheddar, and even my 4-year old nephew Emmett loved it! Here's the recipe:

Banana-Black Bean Tacos
1 tbsp vegetable oil
1 medium banana, firm, but ripe
1 15-ounce can black beans, drained
3/4 cup onions (1 small)
1/4 cup cilantro or 1/2 tsp coriander
3/4 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
salt and pepper, to taste
8 6-inch Corn tortillas
fresh-squeezed lime, for serving
monterey jack cheese, for serving (I prefer feta cheese)
salsa, for serving 

 

Heat vegetable oil over high heat, dice banana while heating. Add banana to skillet and cook for about 2 minutes, until golden.
While banana cooks, dice onion. Remove banana from skillet and set on a paper towel to drain. Add onion to skillet and reduce heat to medium. Cook onion until tender, about 3 minutes. Add beans, cilantro, cumin and cayenne and cook until heated through. Mash beans with back of fork and add salt and pepper to taste.
Place about 1/4 cup beans in each tortilla and top with caramelised bananas, as well as cheese and salsa, if using.

 

 

I am writing about this as a document in case I get addicted to coffee again. Reading back to this post will help remind me why I quit. Today is my 2nd day without coffee, and I hate to say it, but I am feeling better than I have in ages. I woke up this morning with much less arthritis pain! I lost 4 lbs in one day, which must be water weight? I didn't feel as cranky as I usually am in the morning. I feel lighter and more optimistic. This is nuts! Don't get me wrong-I am pining for, longing for a latte, but drinking good-quality tea (Tao of Tea Golden Monkey) is helping.

For the first few months after surgery, I didn't have any coffee at all, but gradually it snuck back into my life. It started with the occasional single latte, which then became a double, which then increased to every day, until finally I was having 2-3 a day just to function, and the doubles were even sometimes triples. I always have my coffee with milk, either skim or 1%, but on the weekends I tend to go nuts and put half and half in it. I am very determined to break my stall, so I finally decided that I need to quit this coffee. It's putting way too many calories into my day, and is too acidic, and I'm too addicted, and it's probably stimulating my appetite. Today my friend Julie said  "(quitting coffee) is torture at first, but then you do feel better without the acidity. And finally you convince yourself that the main thing is just having a hot cup. But you secretly know that it's a load of crap and that there's nothing like the first few sips of a fresh americano. That's really the thing: going too far. All day you're chasing that first-sip feeling, but you just keep feeling worse and it's no use but you do it anyway. Then you get to a point where you can't even sit upright unless you're taking in caffeine all day long."

I bring breakfast and lunch to work every day and it's been a great way to stick to my nutrition plan and save money. Here are some of my breakfast ideas:
Cook up a batch of steel-cut oats and then portion it out for the week. Microwave a serving when ready, and add chopped apple and cinnamon or berries and milk. 
Make a 3-egg omelette, take to work, then microwave individual servings for 3 days. Some of my favorite toppings or fillings are:
-sauteed spinach with feta and cream cheese
-chopped tomato sauteed with a little broth until it's like a sauce, with diced cream cheese
-taco meat and cheddar cheese
Crustless quiche cooked in a pan and cut into individual squares. Some favorites are:
-bacon/swiss (Emmentaler)
-spinach/feta
-leeks sauteed in butter for a long time until they melt, with swiss cheese
Refried beans mixed with salsa, with a little cheddar cheese and a Tbl. of Greek yogurt
1 packet Weight Control oatmeal mixed with chopped up banana

For lunches, I bring either dinner leftovers or soup. I usually make soup on Sundays and portion it out for the week. I try to stick to high protein soups, and usually find a way to sneak in a bunch of spinach for the iron.
Soups I enjoy:
Red lentil/bacon/onion/spinach. Red lentils cook in 20 minutes and are very healthy. 
Black bean or lentils/sausage/kale. 
Borscht, with beets, cabbage, potato, and a dollop of Greek yogurt. Adding sausage or some other meat would help boost the protein.
Pasta e fagiole, with chicken sausage and a handful of spinach. Not much pasta and lots of beans in a rich tomato base
Chicken. One whole chicken plus carrots, onion, and celery. I make it thick like a stew. Sometimes I add whole wheat noodles.  
Green (French) lentil and sweet potato. So flavorful, especially if I carmelize some onions in it. 
Corn/bacon/red pepper chowder. Made with evaporated 2% milk and it's quite creamy.
Here are some cheap/easy dinners I enjoy:
-Buy a roast chicken from the supermarket and serve it with a microwaved sweet potato and/or salad
-Fajitas with either leftover roast chicken or tender steak and lots of peppers and onions. I eat mine without a tortilla. You can really stretch out one steak this way.
-Chicken drumsticks that have marinated overnight in teriyaki. Cook at 450 for 45-50 minutes. They are delicious. Serve with a veggie or salad. Most chicken makes me sick, except for wings or drumsticks. 
-Tofu is my friend. It's high in protein and soft on my pouch. I like Ma Po tofu, which has a bit of ground pork in it  and a spicy sauce. Serve with sauteed kale or collard greens and brown rice. 
-Salmon cooked in a hot skillet on a bed of kosher salt and finished in the oven. The skin sticks to the salt and you peel the salmon off of it. It's juicy and tasty. Serve with sauteed spinach, or cabbage sauteed with a bit of bacon.
-Tuna casserole made with Shirataki Noodles. Have you tried these noodles? They are extremely low calorie/low carb and miraculous. I make a white sauce with skim or 1% milk and add tuna, peas, and 2% cheese, then bake in the oven. Amazingly good.

I'll post more food ideas as I think of them.

I've been bouncing between 183 and 189 for several weeks now and it's starting to depress me. I am diligently tracking my calories/protein and usually get around 1200-1300/day. I am a medical success because my comorbidities are gone and I've lost 69% of my excess weight. I look great, especially considering how I looked last year at this time. I love being able to wear size 10 pants-it feels fantastic. However, I don't want to "settle" for being slightly obese. I want to get to goal no matter what, and I know that the rest is up to me. I am now realizing that this means that I will be on a very low calorie diet for the rest of my life, and that I need to cut way back on the carbs. I know there is controversy on the boards about this NOT being a diet, but honestly, it really does feel like one. Of course, it's much easier to follow now because of the restriction and lack of hunger from WLS, but the fact is, I am on a restricted eating plan, which to me IS a diet.