Deb P.

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As of today I am at my lowest adult weight!!  After two morning poos I weigh in at 252 with my pajamas on!!  My BMI is 39.4!!  I am now "just obese" I started at a BMI of 55.9 and have lost 103 pounds!!  I figure I need to weigh 191 pounds so that I can just be överweight" man this DS thing is wonderful.  I am really trying to get all of my vitamins in and eat the right things but it just dawned on me this past week, I am a carb addict!  I am trying to lay off all of the bread that I have been eating.  Before DS if we didn't have potato chips in the house then to me we didn't have any food!  Since the DS, my new stomach can't tolerate chips very well.  As a matter of a fact, almost anything deep fried doesn't go so well in my new tummy!   I am learning everyday how to work this DS thing.  Thanks to everyone that has done it before me I have learned so much from them!!

Today I went to Walmart and tried on clothes off of the rack and they fit ME!!!  I cannot believe that is one of my goals and I got there!  I still have a long way to go but I put on clothes off of the rack and they fit!  Talk about a WOW moment!!!

I can't believe how GOOD that I feel I am ONLY eleven days post DS.  I have been able to eat everything that I have tried so far well with the exception of the protein drinks but I am getting in as much protein as I can with food.  I feel so good.  I have had alot of time to sit and think about things that has happened to me in the past and I am so excited about the future!  I am excited about being able to go to my kids school functions and being just another mom and not having people stare at me.  (on the last day of school last year, my son got off of the bus and I was waiting for him and asked him how his day was and he says to me Mommy, Josh said you are fat so I said to him do you think that I am fat and he said no so I asked him what he said to Josh and he said that he told him not to say that again.) My son is going to be 5 October 24th and I don't want him to be defending me through out his whole elementary school years!  So, at the end of this school year I wonder where I will be??  I can't wait to see!  I am excited about the future and what it holds for me and my family.  For as long as I can remember my new years resolution has been to lose weight.  This year I get to think of something else to resolve!!Oh the possibilities.  I am the biggest cry baby!  I

Its almost here I can't believe it!  I am ready to get it over with.  I got so much cleaning done yesterday I even washed the sheets on all of the beds!  My house is pretty clean and I got thru the day!  I am going to bed early since i am getting up at 3:00 AM to leave for the hospital at 4:15 AM.  Surgery is supposed to be at 7:15 AM so hopefully everything will go as scheduled and I will be switched and on the losers bench by tomorrow afternoon!

OK, I am a day and a half away from my DS surgery.  I am sitting here with an upset stomach thinking that it is only that far away and there is so much to be done.  I told myself that I am going to try my best not to have the WTF have I done syndrome but its creeping in!  I am going to try to stay busy today I have so much cleaning to get done and my laundry too!  I am going to get busy to keep my mind off of it today!

Ok, as of today I am one week away from the surgery.  I go next Sunday August 24th at 10:30 AM to get my PICC line put in.  Then I have to be at the hospital August 25th at 5:00 AM for the surgery at 7:15 AM.  I am feeling anxious and nervous.  I am starting to wonder if I am doing the right thing (of course I am) I told my husband that this time next year he won't be going to bed with a fat woman anymore and that he will be able to put his arms all of the way around me to hug me.  His response was "that doesn't excite me as much as it does you"  Todd is not excited about me having the surgery at all!  If there was a way for him to be able to stop it I believe that he would!  I believe that I am doing the right thing not only for me but for my boys.  I love them more than life itself and I want to be able to play with them now and to be able to play with my future grandchildren too!  I am getting the surgery to save my own life.  I keep telling myself that.  I have never been away from my kids so I am worried about them while I am in the hospital.  My mom is soooo supportive of me having the surgery and is going to help with my kids while I am in the hospital but I don't know what I am going to do when I get home. my baby is only 8 months old how am I supposed to care for him??  I am  not going to be able to lift him for awhile!  My nerves are shot!  I am feeling alone.  I am not scared of the surgery but the healing part is what I am worried about.  I have had two kids I know what pain is!  But still I am worried about the healing part of the surgery!  I guess I needed to log my feelings so that I could get it out, I can't talk to my husband about this I tried to and he just said well if you are that worried about it cancel the surgery!  NO WAY!  I have come to far now I am almost there!  I have never known what it was like to be a "normal" size!  I want to be normal so bad!  My husband is 6 feet tall and weighs a "normal" 165-170 lbs.  He has no idea what its like to be overweight and not have the energy to walk for long periods at a time.  I love to go to the flea market and walk around but I can't walk for very long and people stare.  I know that they are thinking look at that great big ole woman.  OK baby is up from his nap.  That is all for now!