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Yay for today!  Today is one year since I've had my lap-band.   There have been good things and  bad things, but mostly good I would say.  I'm down about 100lbs, I've been maintaining about the same weight for 4 months, I gain and lose the same 5lbs.  I've had some incidents that have reminded me what I am doing and why,  and I have to remember that my band is a tool, and that it is up to me to keep this weight off.  Sorry chocolate :P  .   I feel great, and there is such a difference.  I would not trade my experience for anything and I look forward to what is to come.  
I am down from a size 24, to a size 8/10.  I bought a pair of medium size work out pants the other day and that made me so happy.  Shirts are anywhere from M-L which is nifty.  These are sizes that I've never seen before.   Having been where I was, and where I am now, I can't even think about being where I was ever again, and thats a lot of hard work all up to me.  

I am about 10 months out from my surgery, and I feel great.  I've had my share of problems, some right away and some recently.  I have lost 102 pounds from my highest weight, and when I started the process of my surgery.  Before my surgery day, I lost 16 lbs and the additional 86 lbs since.  I feel great.   Over thanksgiving, I ran around outside with my son for almost an hour.  Running around and playing.  That was so wonderful.  Two days ago I walked two miles never got winded or had to slow down.  I walked up a steep incline that I haven't been able to walk straight up and not lose my breath in so long I told everybody.  I was slower starting out with my excerise after my surgery for several reasons, which is why this is so exciting.  I always read on here of peoples accomplisments and as they felt better.  I didn't excersise near like I should of, so I wasn't totally aware of how great I have been feeling.   My last fill was in November and I have good restriction.  My band got loose really fast after fills and they told me because the fat pocket around my band had gone away so I went from good restriction to bad restriction fast and I was like that for quite awhile, getting to the point where I could eat a lot more then I wanted to.  I was that way for a few months before I got my last fill in november and I got restriction and wasn't used to it.   I was always so happy and impressed with myself (should of knocked on wood) that I'd gotten through those first several months with out even 1 stuck episode.  I have since had 5.   Very painful.  I was lucky enough to have short ones that lasted no more then 15-20 minutes.  I got so used to not having to chew my food quite as much, that even though I could eat the same foods that I forgot to chew properly a few times.  I had also heard about being able to tolerate some foods for a long time and then after a fill, and restriction, some of those same foods can't handle anymore.  So that has contibuted to a stuck episode.  I realized that I had not been eating as good as I should have and am changing my habits a little bit, and I'm excersing more.  Some days are better than others and I've realized a great weakness in chocolate.   I feel so much better, and I feel much more confident with myself, which is helping me to reinforce why I did this in the first place.  I feel healthy, and I look good and I don't want to go back to the way I was before.  A great motivator is my son, I loved running around and playing with him.  I can walk, and do things for my family that I wasn't so able to do before.  ( A recent trip out of town and had to run up and down the stairs several times and all over the hotel to get things for people, and it wasn't hard!)  I love being able to go into a store and have to say "no, too big, no too big"   I can buy nearly anything I want, I don't have to look really hard to find something I like big enough..   I bought a size 28 jean!    I can buy the clothes I always like and wanted but they don't make them in plus sizes.  
This experiance was life altering in so many ways, I hope to always remember what I've learned.

Well I think it has been about 3 months since I posted anything on here, and things have been going pretty well.  I'm down to about a 100lb weight loss and staying in that range.  I seem to be gaining and losing the same 5 lbs over and over, but I am not to worried about that.  I also seem to be losing inches still even when I gained some of that weight.   
At a support group meeting in Oct, I remember why I was probably recommended for online support.  I'm very nervous around people, and I talk weird when I'm nervous.  I hated that my story makes others upset, and I probably won't go back for awhile.  A lady there had surgery in the same month I did, and has lost 50lbs, which I thought was pretty good, some people lose fast and some lose slower.  A couple people talked after her, and had lost faster then she had, but by the time it got to be my turn to talk, I was so nervous, because she seemed upset at other people so I got to say "I had my surgery in March and I've lost 100lbs."   The look on her face!  and then, I wanted to talk about the issue i'm having, is that I want another fill.  Not a big fill, I have just gotten to the point where, I could eat a lot of food if I wanted to.  and I don't want to.  I don't want to not be able to eat, the 2 bites and you're full thing just freaks me out, but I don't want to be able to eat as much as I could if I let myself.  and of course when I said this, it seemed I upset the lady all over again.   I don't like going to a "support" group meeting, and feeling like if I talk about what I need to talk about, i'm going to upset other people.  I wished that I had lost a bit slower, because I have all sorts of problems now that seem to be related to fast weight-loss.   50lbs in 8 months I think is good, I've seen on here people loose slower.  We are all different and I think that is a good thing, and we help each other learn by what we know, and help people to not make our mistakes.  
Also, I am getting annoyed by all the people telling me to stop losing weight, and don't get any skinnier!   I am around a size 12 and in some places a size 12 is still considered plus size!  I wish people would kind of back off and not be so concerned with me.  I don't want to get much smaller, I would like to tone up and thats about all.  I think it would awesome to be a single digit size like an 8, but i'm trying to watch myself and not get to much smaller.   I love the fact that I can get clothes anywhere!   A whole new world has been opened up and I don't have to search and search for something cute in my size, or go out of town or shop online.  I love that I can find just about anything I like, in my size.  
I feel bad sometimes when I talk to my friends about my weight loss.  I have some heavier friends who were once smaller then me, and now its reversed and they make comments and I know just how they feel, but now when i talk, it is from the other side and I feel strange talking to them, as I know what it was like when skinnier people always talked about their weight and "oh my gosh I gained 5 lbs!" and i'd be like are you kidding me!?  but i understand it now.   I feel slightly alone in my world not being able to really talk to anyone about it without offending someone!  
I was always heaviest in my hips, and I love the face that they are getting smaller.  I love my Wii fit!    
I am all out of fitting shirts again.  Well, I have a couple that fit very well, but again most of my shirts are far to big again, at least this time these shirts are from after my weight-loss started so most of them aren't all stretched out in the hip-ish area so they don't look really weird.
:)

Okay, its been a crazy ride so far.   I've lost a lot of weight, pretty fast.  Sometimes that freaks me out a bit, and I'm not sure if some of these health problems that I'm having now, are a side effect of that, or what.   One of them I know is, and I'm working with doctors to figure out.  Another one, everyone (doctors included) assure me that its normal, and I don't believe them AT ALL.   Most things are going great though.  People have been asking me for awhile, how much have you lost now, and i've just been telling them, I don't know, because I only use my Wii fit to weigh myself, and I hadn't used it for a couple weeks, well, I got on it this afternoon, and I'm down to 152 lbs, for my height, I am only 2 lbs off, from being a normal weight, and I tell you that is so strange.    At my last fill I was wearing a pair of size 18 jeans, belted on so they wouldn't fall of, and as I lay back,  she goes "Whoa you need new pants!"  and we laughed and I told her that I was going shopping afterwords.   Those pants are loose now too.  and that was strange, because, The smallest I can remember being was a size 15, and that day, I bought a size 13/14, and it was so strange.  Last week, I bought a pair of size 12, and of course, how clothing brands fit,  that day I fit into a 13 , a 12 and a 10!    So, Life has been fun.      Sometimes friends are or are not supportive.   Some of my friends are overweight, and I don't like to talk to them to much about it, because, well, I remember how much i hated it, when all these skinny people around me talked about it all the time.  So i figure, when they say something, answer them back, and move on from the subject.     Another friends, I think she's having some green eyed monster issues...  Makes me feel bad to be honest..   She'll barely talk to me,  and when I got to a size 18 she had some jeans for me to try on but they were petite so the were to short, and so she told me when I was down to a size 12, that she would have more for me, so I call her, and suddenly she looks through her clothes and "she can't find any of those clothes that I was talking about"..  like, it was all in my head and she enver said it.  but oh well.   
My husband, he's been great.  He lets me make my own decisions about food, and rolls his eyes when I want to measure and be so specific about food.  I told the nurse this at my surgery center, and she approved, because, I put the food on my plate, and I eat until I'm full.   and she was happy that I did that.    Because, and I am not joking, I don't ever finish what's on my plate.  I eat slow, and I eat careful.  I have been extremely careful, with how I eat and therefore, I haven't had a lot of troubles, that I've been scared about having.  I haven't thrown up, I haven't slimed (and I'm so knocking on wood right now).  I've come close..  but i've read about others talking about them, and they didn't sound pleasant.   so I wanted to avoid them. 
I'm not extremely strict on my food choices either.   I eat what I like, what my body needs.  I eat a lot a lot of chicken.  I eat a lot of protien.   I haven't yet had a cookie, although I've been sorely tempted.  I do eat ice cream, but there is some damn good ice cream out there, that isn't so bad.   Moderation, is my friend.     I love my wii fit, and it kicked my butt today :)  I haven't ever did the lunges, and now I know why I waited, but I cracked the ice, and it can only ever get easier.  My legs are and have always been extremely weak, but, it will get better.

I applied for college!  The community college in my area recently took over the GED program, so I was going to just go get my GED this year, and instead I found out you can apply and go to college at the same time, you just have to present them with you GED by second sememster.  I am excited!  

I want my skin to tighten up because I am craving another tattoo!!!   Its been two years since my last one, and as being a tattoo fanatic?addict? fan?  whichever, its been far too long  :)

I love that I weigh less then my husband, my friend told me that I weigh less then her husband which was an amusing NSV or SV not sure, because, he's a little thing, weight looks different on men and women.    

This has been a long, hard crazy ride, one that I wouldn't change for the world

So yay!  I finally got a Wii Fit!   Its fun.   I couldn't believe the first time how well my balance was!  and then of course the second time it was much more correct!   and then I thought its scale had to be way off, because, well, it was so low, I don't weigh myself very often, so I weighed myself on the regular scale, and its very close, so, I am dropping weight like I can't believe!  
I have had two fills and have a total of 6cc's in my band.   I was supposed to have a 3rd fill on the 11th but I chose not to.   After my 2nd fill, I did not feel any restriction, but then, after about 2 weeks, maybe a bit more, it kicked in, suddenly and almost badly, when I ate something one night, it was about the first time I got sick.  Luckily I went and laid down in bed and it passed.  Since then it has been great.   (so far, knock on wood)      I decided to put this in a blog,  I wasn't even entirely sure about that.. and I'm glad I waited a few days, because I was going to put that I can eat whatever I want.  And after I thought about that, that's not entirely true, I mean maybe I could, but that's not what I meant.   I think what I mean, is that out of what I do eat, I don't have any problems.  and I don't eat anything to bad I suppose.     Out of everything I have tried to eat, I have had no problems (once again so far, knock on wood).    I am not extrememly strict on myself.  I see no need to be.    I have not cut out breads and all those things from my diet.  Our bodies need those things to sustain.  I eat my protiens first.  but I mix them.    I think maybe one reason that I haven't had much trouble, is that I find that things that are hard to break up, and eat and swallow and what not, sometimes when i chew them with other things in my mouth, they break down better.   That , and I chew maybe to well, and maybe TMI but your own saliva is a great tool.       I eat wheat bread only, and i can't do white bread, and I can't do it untoasted.  I only just now tried rice (brown) for the first time just a week and a half ago.   I have not had any cookies or cake or anything even with lots of opportunities.   I understand that people have many emotional eating problems.  Which is why a lot of them don't eat some of the healthy options of things out there.    I  have some skinny cow ice cream sandwhiches in my freezer.   A pack of 6 I think have lasted me 3 weeks.   I don't eat snacks very much.  I have been absolutly amazed sometimes at the fact that it can be hard to get in 1200 calories a day.    I have been happy with myself that, I didn't have to be as hard on myself as I thought I would have to be.   Happy to know, that almost everywhere you go, you can find nutrional information, and that even though something is not "healthy"  you can find something that is not Horrible.   I'm sorry, but you can go somewhere and get a small hamburger or a roasted chicken sandwhich from a fastfood place.    
I started this at 245lbs, March 10 was my surgery at 229lbs and I haven't weighed myself today, but Sunday I weighed in at 167lbs.   I think I'm doing ok...  
I feel great  :)

Well, things are just going along now.     I've lost about 60lbs now.    When I went in for my 2nd fill, she made the comment about how I was going to be one of the one's who loose it all quickly.     It's a blessing and a curse.   Clothes are fun and a nightmare.  Luckily I have a friend who told me she can take in my clothes, even my jeans, and I didn't know you could do that. 
I found some things on Msn fitness that I am going to try for workouts.   I haven't been able to get a wii fit so.   I wasn't able to even walk for a while.   I had some dehydration problems for awhile, and I am having some problems with my hips, that I think might be unrelated now, I found out prolonged use of the depo shot can cause osteoperosis, and I have high risk of it any way.  So I need to build up walking, and then start on some other stuff.  Luckily for me, I love to turn on music in my bedroom and just dance (at least until I get too dizzy).    Also, my brother told me to get resistance bands instead of weights because I don't have much strength in my arms.   Also on msn fitness, I got a workout of pilates  which uses your own body weight instead of weights, so that will help.  Hopefully I can start toning up all this loose stuff.  I lost so fast, I kind of turned into jello!  lol..  but everything will be great.       
I wasn't expecting to loose this much weight this fast.  I was hoping to loose slower, so I could tone up as I went.      Oh well, what can you do!  

So I am a bit worried...    Right now, I am losing weight at a good rate.   (knocking on wood)   I know that you have to eat so many calories a day to even lose weight, and as odd as this sounds, I have trouble eating enough...      During this process, before surgery, I have confused people as to why I am so overweight.   I don't eat much.    We have figured, it's probably the fact that, now that I know you have to eat enough to even lose weight, that I didn't eat enough.. But who knows.  The combination of not eating enough, and no excerise..  Or maybe when I did eat, i wasn't good food.   Because when I did eat, I COULD EAT.   I loved food, it just wasn't an issue for me.  and I did very well for awhile about eating well, but now, my issue is that, I eat what I'm supposed to, when I eat.  but I don't eat often..    Before surgery, I was very good, at ignoring hunger pains, and that talent has seem to come back to me..  There for a while, I either couldn't or wouldn't ignore it, and was doing very well.   I know I didn't eat near the 1200 calories recommended.  but still.  Now, It's just.  It seems tough, to eat that much, and I know that sounds weird, or stupid, or whichever word you decide, but.     To me, it is a lot of effort, to go prepare, a meal, that I have to then save most of it anyway.  It's annoying.  So, I don't eat much.     Okay, and most of my problem right now, is the fact that I couldn't get my medication down for about a month after surgery, and I am depressed, very much so.    I think I may not be able to force myself to eat..   It's not my priority.  I don't know.       I don't know.  My thoughts right this minutes, are all over the place.  My concern is my health, and it's probably in jeopardy right now, so I need to kick start myself so I don't fail myself.  Okay.  Kick starting commencing....

You know, sometimes life is just fun..   Within a couple weeks of surgery, all my old jeans were just falling off.  When I could finally get up and move around more, it got better ( or worse I suppose depending on how you look at it lol).  It's been a nifty journey so far, one that, I wouldn't trade for anything.   I am enjoying walking, although, my hips do not like it.  I would walk a lot if, 1. the weather would agree, and 2. my body would agree.   My shoulder loves it when I walk.. Or moreover, I love it when I walk because my shoulder stops hurting.  but , i can't walk for a day or so after I walk, because my hip just kills me..  but, i love it, because I walk, and i'm not out of breath bad, i can talk, and walk and i'm just perfect.      Most people have noticed a major differece in my face..  So I had my hair cut (not just for that reason).  I wanted to wait until after I'd lost a lot of the weight, to get my hair cut, but after so many people were telling me how thin my face was I was just like, why not do it now?  So I did.     A girl I've known practically my whole life, I saw here in the gas station the other day, she was looking at me real weird, so I said, how are you, and she answered kind of strange and I left.   My mom told me later (she works there) that the girl came up to her and asked  "is that so and so?"  and my mom was like yeah and the girl commented on wow, i used to play with her when I was little and of course my mom was like yeah I know I'm her mom and then my mom told me she commented that i had lost a lot of weight  and I said well I guess so if she couldn't even recognize me..  that was weird and cool all in the same way..    It's been fun..   

Okay, I don't know why I'm so nervous, but tomorrow is my first fill and I'm just kind of freaking out.    I've read so much about , a fill not being enough, which i'm not to worried about, a little worried, not to bad.  but the over fill, and the needle poking.  I don't want it to be to much, and I don't know what is to much or to little for me.  I don't even know what size my band is.. does that even make a difference?  Ah!    I am not sure about how I'm supposed to eat before my fill either.   Do I eat just normal food?  I've read that afterwords you are on liquids again for a day or so, but....      Anxiety just kinda is attacking my brain right at this moment..    It's like , okay freak out!  then breathe and i'll be okay.. lol

Okay, well, I've been losing weight pretty good so far, lost a bit before my surgery, and a bit after.  I noticed about 5 days after my surgery, that my pants were to big.  All the pants I have, I can wear now, only one pair.  They are huge, but they have a tighter fit then any of my others, so they don't look to horrible when I leave the house, I just have to pull them up constantly.   The strange thing also is that my tightest pants before, are now my baggiest!  there is so much extra fabric now, it looks ridiculos(sp?)!    So, tonight, I went out to Walmart, we had to do grocery shopping, and I went to try on jeans, just so I could figure out my size..  I started at size 24, so I took in a 22 and wanted a 20 but they didn't have any so, my husband made me take in an 18 too.   22's were to big, and I looked at those 18's like, yeah whatever.  but, they fit good in my legs and my thighs ( and that shocked the hell out of me let me tell you)   but they didn't fit in the waist.  I stood there a minute, then I stood up very straight, sucked in my stomach and buttoned those things up.  I was so happy!  Of course right now, they are to tight to buy, but, THEY BUTTONED!  I stepped out of the dressing room, looked at my husband, and he's like those are the 18's?  and i'm like yeah!  he goes "told ya"  and I go, yeah but i'm stuffed in and going to go take them off now.   but soon, those are going to fit, and I'm just so happy!   It's weird, but i'm excited, and that is good motivation, they don't quite fit, but , all I have to do is work at it, and they are going to fit, SOON!  and then i'm going to buy them..




Ha!  I went back out to get some stuff at Wal Mart, and they had added some new jeans, in different sizes.  The others came in 16/18/20  and so forth. These ones are 17/19/21 and that.  So, I was like hmm.  and my husband is like go try some on.. Took a 21 and a 19 and went in and tried on the 19 and they fit!  so perfectly too.    I was sooo happy and my husband had me buy them!   they will fit for a while unless  I drop an ungodly amount of weight very fast, but, I'm just.  happy!