sarah G.
The first time I remember thinking I was fat, I was 16. Up until that time I had been average. A little curvy for my age, but not fat. But somehow my sophomore year in high school, I ended up with an extra 20-25 lbs on me. My friends and I all ate the typically teenager diet of fries, pizza and Dr. Pepper, but it seemed like I put on the weight and they didn't. As the years progressed, and I gave birth to two beautiful children, I found myself at 200 lbs. After trying Adkins, Weight Watchers, Aerobics, phen-phen, hormone treatments, and every other fad diet I continued to gain weight.
(For information purposes, I would like to also note that my mother, and maternal and paternal grandmothers were all over weight. I have no sisters. My cousins seem to be a mix of average weight and extremely over weight women. )
Through all of this my husband and I struggled with one rebellious child, who became addicted to meth, started running drugs, and had two children out of wed lock. To say I was depressed was an understatement. (This child eventually ended up in jail, and is now in rehab doing much better). I ate for comfort. I ate while in a mind numbing state from anti-depression meds. I was being over medicated. And I gained and I gained. The really difficult years we experienced with our kid went on for about 5 years. During those five years, I lost 7 close family members. Two in tragic accidents. I was an emotional wreck and developed anxiety attacks. I also continued to gain weight.
Then 3 years ago, I took a good look at myself and I didn't like what I saw at all. I started a new diet, and joined an exercise class at a gym. I stuck to it for 8 months, and managed to lose 50 lbs. I was really starting to tell a difference. I dropped down to a loose fitting 18 and just knew that I would be shopping on the other side of the department store before long. Then I fell off my treadmill and broke my ankle! I packed that 50 lbs back on in half the time it took me to loose it. And just for good measure I added an extra 10. I've been there every since.
This past January, I went to pick my mom up for lunch....I found her laying face down in her room. She had a heart attack while putting on her clothes. She was only 65. She had struggled with obesity my whole life. She was diagnosed with diabetes at 39. She had also developed heart disease, high blood pressure and a pack load of other related issues. All due to her weight.
Her loss has been devastating to our family. She has left a huge hole in our family dynamic and there is just something about losing the woman who brought you into this world. I know we all lose our parents at some point but I didn't expect to lose mine in my mid 40's.
Up until the time of my mom's loss, I considered myself a healthy fat woman. My biggest complaint was being tired all the time and my lack of energy. I didn't have any morbid diseases. Shortly after I lost her, I was told I was on the edge of needing medicine for high cholesterol. Then came the news that I am "boarder line" diabetic. Around this same time, I started having terrible body aches. My legs hurt nearly every evening. If I sleep in one position too long that side hurts.....I started feeling like I'm falling apart. I started feeling like all my moms illnesses were settling down on me. In my minds eye, I started seeing myself laying dead on the floor rather than my mom. I know if I don't do something right now, I will end up with all of those co-morbid diseases and I will not live to be an old woman.
As I stated earlier, the last time I seriously dieted it took me 8 months to lose 50lbs. Now I'm older and heavier. I just don't feel in my heart like I have that kind of time. I know I need to get this weight off me ASAP.
Fortunately, my husband agrees, especially after listening to what Dr. Syn had to say. I've taken the first step and I'm anxiously meeting the requirements of my insurance so I can have a surgery date.
To be continued!
