vickinicole
weekends should be fun
Jan 06, 2007
anyway i dont have much food in the house, so today i had oatmeal for breakfast, for lunch some pulled turkey with barbeque sauce then for dinner some microwaved vegetables and a orange oh and i had a sugar free fudgecicle
Doctors
Jan 05, 2007
Primary Care Physician: for the required 6 month medically supervised diet documented weight loss program with regular weigh in and a plan to follow. Dr. Barlow at North Family Medicine on 43rd Ave. and Jeffrey Zacher, 602.996-7290 were recommended
Provider Name: Zacher, Jeffrey J., MD
Specialty(ies): Family Practice
Address: 1635 West Glendale Avenue, Phoenix, AZ 85021
Phone Number(s): (602) 544-2273
he's accepted by aetna
Pulmonary Specialist for obesity induced sleep apnea evaluations, Dr. Saleh was suggested
Dietician for Nutritional consultation
Psychologist for the mmpi test and psych evaluation. Shelley Doumani was recommended.
Chiropractor for my back pain caused by obesity. I heard chiropractor, Dr. Strandlund at Inner Health Chiropractic on 11th St and Indian School is good.
This is going to be a long journey, i need to find some inner strength and patience.
A lil Uplifted
Jan 04, 2007
after work I went to apply for a 2nd job on campus, that made me feel a lil better, hopefully I will get it and start training next week
with 2 jobs i should be able to afford: medical insurance (if i am ever approved for it) and car insurance
went home, got online for too long till 1 am, need to get rid of my computer again
woke up at 7:00am to get to work by 7:54am, shower and all that included
I am sleepy, took a Bronkaid tablet to stay awake, it helps with my asthma too
I paid my rent already but decided that I am going to pay feb rent next week, because my temp assignment is almost over and for a couple weeks all I will have is the 2nd job which only pays a lil over $7 a hour. So better pay rent while I can, i get a refund on my financial aid grant so that should pay my car note, unfortunately my utilities and food probably wont get done this month, i am running out of food too but i can always go to my aunts or grandmas house to eat a meal, here at work, they had some donuts so i ate 2 of them, i was hungry
better to eat early in the day junk food like that if i am going to eat it
then can be worked off
my job provided lunch for us today, so i had a pulled bbq chicken sandwich, mashed potatoes and potatoe salad, a slice of cake and put 2 cookies in my purse for later. It was catered by ElPaso, its really good food, couldnt pass up
not the healthiest meal but i am full and it was free
oh yea and i lost another lbs, so i am at 266 lbs.
Getting Help
Jan 04, 2007
i am in a funk, and feel myself sinking into a depression
i really dont want to get depressed cause school starts in 2 weeks and i want to be energized and ready mentally to tackle my classes, particularly math which i have a VERY hard time with. I need to be in a positive mental state when i start school.
i don't know why I feel so down
i just feel like everything I try fails, anything I want is unnattainable
Being denied health insurance may have started this negative headspace, but also I just think everything I try like my website and stuff just doesnt work out.
I feel useless alot of time, like I'm just breathing and a waste of air space.
I am tired of gaining and losing weight and I feel like giving up, but I don't want to be 270 lbs for the rest of my life. I feel my life passing me by because there are things I really dont even want to be in public because I am fat.
People who are not fat do not know how this feels. It's hard for me even more because there are alot of men online who are fans of my modeling careeer and women who are overweight who see me as a rolemodel because I am an attractive fat person and they all LOVE me fat and they just don't understand that my life does not WORK for me as a fat person, I have to LIVE everyday in this skin. I am not a PICTURE, I am a real person and this is no way to LIVE. I am in physical pain from the minute I get up until I go to bed at night. There has to be more to life than this.
This is no way to live life.
Anyway since I dont have insurance and only make $11 a hour at my current full time receptionist job (it's a temp position) I am turning to the public and asking for donations. I created a website at www.vickionline.com so if you or anyone you know has $1 you can donate to me, it will help. i am posting a tally of all the donations as they come in. A woman named karyn (www.savekaryn.com) gave me the idea for this so I must give credit where it is due.
I hope this does not become just another of my failed ideas. I have to try. I want to have faith in humankind.
God I hope I pull out of this funk soon, i just feel like I am on the verge of tears and want to cry. It's not really healthy to cry at work which is where I am right now.
Today I had to rush out the house to get to work again so I didnt eat breakfast and instead went to the vending machines at work and got a package of gross chocolate donuts, it was less than 400 calories for all 6 though so that's not too bad but still eggs and toast woulda been better. Snacked on some trail mix (130 calories). For lunch I went to El Pollo Loco and had the chicken nachos (1,083 calories) and a small coke (100 calories). At 1713 calories, i dont think i can eat anything else today unless its a fudgescicle.
I am tired, tired of life, tired of dieting, tired of exercising in pain, just tired. I am frustrated, irritated, moody and I wish I felt more positive.
What I ate today
Jan 02, 2007
So today I didnt exercise. Surprise, Surprise.
by the way did I ever mention that my major in college is Exercise and Wellness
its true
anyway, today i ate:
trail mix for breakfast and snack ( i woke up late, no time to eat breakfast, had some trail mix in my drawer at work)
for lunch i had to run errands, so no time to sit and eat, but there was a Little Ceasars by the water fill place so I got a $5 serving of hot wings. Had 8 in there, no dressing.
I just finished eating dinner, had 2 pieces of baked Talapia, it was friggin good too
i am tired and going to bed
Trying to get insured
Jan 02, 2007
i went to http://www.uhc.com/ to get info on united healthcare
most of the people who have gotten surgery with Dr. Simpson have used UHC and they said it is the best
I called United HealthCare today to get a application sent to me and the lady on the phone said I may not get insured because of my height weight ratio.
Because I am overweight I may not be eligible for health insurance.
argh!
Wanting Weight Loss Surgery
Dec 29, 2006
I've lost 15 lbs in the past 2 months due to sticking to 1800 calories per day
Well I have been considering lap band weight loss surgery for the past 3 years. I have been overweight for the past 13 years.
For the past 3-4 years I have been over 100lbs overweight I think. I remember around 2001, around the time of the WTC attacks, I was weighing 220 lbs. and living in Tucson. Then on New Years I moved back to Boston and by August 2002 I had gotten down to 170 thru exercise (daily in my living room doing exercise tapes) and a healthy diet. In August 2002 I changed jobs and moved and the combination thru me into emotional turmoil which I calmed by eating ice cream and laying in bed, by 2003 I was back to gaining alot of weight. So since 2003 I have been 100 lbs overweight but I have struggled with my weight since I was around 18 years old.
I have researched alot and attended a seminar on weight loss surgery but have not had insurance that would cover it.
Now I am uninsured and not able to pay in cash and because of my bad credit unable to get financed for the surgery.
Now I am researching to find a good insurance company to get insurance on my own so that I can get the surgery in the next year.
that is how i found obesity help, i googled the words "lap band surgery, arizona, health insurance" and this site came up
Loungin
Oct 27, 2006
i am not depressed
rather
i came on my period today and feel crappy, bloated, cramps, cramps, pain, argh!
i did not go walking today, my walking partners knocked on my door at 7:30 am and i told them i wasn't up for it
In fact i only got up once today and that was to let the movers in to pickup my couch.
i just feel like a bloody mess (probably cause i wear maxi pads, not tampons, but i dont like wearing tampons, it feels like i am walking around with a penis inside me and that's not a good feeling for me, lol, that entire sentence just made me laugh)
lol
one day off for feminine issues will not ruin my week or my goals
I REALLY HATE BEING ON MY PERIOD. I tend to indulge myself of sorts of worldy things when i come on my period; sleep, food, internet, sleep, more sleep. it's ok, i know its a hormonal thing and it will be over soon and this time i am only allowing 1 day of such an indulgence.
I ate today being very mindful that I was not going to be burning off the calories today:
|
|
|
Calories
|
|
Snack
|
1-1/2 low fat yogurt |
240
|
|
Breakfast
|
Oatmeal (310 cal), juice (120 cal)
|
430
|
|
Lunch
|
trail mix (i really ate too much trail mix but atleast it was TRAIL MIX and not a pan of brownies)
|
200
|
|
Snack
|
Smart Ones strawberry shortcake
|
170
|
|
Dinner
|
I just made some beef stew and ate a bowl of it, not a full bowl but about 400 calories worth. (This is not a random figure, the package says that it has 3 servings total and each serving is 210 calories. I ate maybe a teeny less than 2 servings)
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400
|
|
|
|
1440
|
Now I am filling my self up on water, water, water, and surfing the web.
I made another short term goal: I want to just atleast fit all my clothes comfortably and my shirts will not be too tight and shit. I have all size 22 and 24 clothes and the 22's i cant fit and the 24's are tight in the arm and chest areas. So I want to be able to atleast fit my shit a lil more comfortably. I want to lose 100lbs in 2007.
The internets are evil. Do not let them suck you in children. I cant wait to take this laptop back to my aunts tomorrow and get focused on reading my magazines again. Speaking of which I have reached a milestone. After years of subscribing to Fitness magazine and letting it stack up since like 2002, i have finally read them ALL and am now on the most current issue, November 2006. This might not seem like much to YOU but to my former roommates who have witnessed the STACKS and STACKS of magazines because i refuse to throw them away until they have been read, they know this is a great moment in my history. lol
Of course that is just ONE magazine subscription. When I am done with that it is on to Shape magazine starting with the June 2004 issue. and there are others, many many others, lol but let's not dwell in the abyss that is my masssive amounts of magazine subscriptions, let's focus on the good, which is I have completed one whole pile!!!!!
CELEBRATE WITH ME!!! CHEER, CHEER, HOORAY for Vicki
28 days to form a habit
Oct 25, 2006
I went grocery shopping last night, the local organic healthfood grocery store was dissapointing. They didnt have alkaline water and AltiPlano Gold Brand instant quinoa
They didnt even have fresh olives in the lil plastic bucket thingys and i was really craving olives with mozzarella. I bought a can of black olives from Fry's instaead and ewww, they tastes plain and yuck, not zesty enough for me.
walk 4 Fitness
Oct 19, 2006
I'm always making these lofty goals in life and they seem so hard to reach so a couple weeks ago i decided to make just a couple short term goals that will slowly get me towards my larger goals
My only goals in life right now are:
I dont want a boyfriend/husband, i dont want to be rich, just lose weight and finish college, thats it
my daily living has been so much more easier since i have broken my goals down and also since i have decided to:
1. be celibate for a year. That has REALLY helped. It has alleviated all this pressure in my head to find a mate. I kinda feel like i want to be alone. I just want a few friends to hang out with. I dont want a boyfriend or a love or anything like that at ALL. I am no longer boy crazy. I am pretty satisfied. I just want to love on myself. Feels good to feel that way. So many guy shave been trying to talk to me too, and i am just like, we can be friends but i am not interested in a romantic relationship of any kind, i am not even open to it, i am not closed to it either but I dont want anyone to get their hopes up when my mind isnt even in that direction.
2. get rid of my tv and internet. i have been reading alot and its so much more healthier for my brain. Lol. I'm learning and shit and i like learning.
yesterday i had to go up to my school and try to work out my financial aid appeal. :-( I have to call them again today to see if they are close to making a decision.
It's been almost a year since i have been living in Phoenix and the first year was really hard for me, it was a big change and everything felt like it was happening at once and i really couldnt handle it emotionally, it was hard.
Now I feel like the next year will be easier, i give up on things too fast.
when something is hard i have a freak out, get depressed adn give up and run away.
The living alone thing is a big example. I wanted to just up and leave and go away as soon as paying rent became hard and being lonely became unbearable. I have to learn to stick through the hard times and make it to the finish line. So I've decided to stay in my apartment for another year, ALONE, no roommate and boyfriend and learn to live with myself and like it and be healthy and productive. Get up, move around, make friends, join clubs.
Towards making friends and losing weight i started a club called Walk 4 Fitness. Hopefully it will one day become a movement. :-) lol
I created a myspace for it : http://groups.myspace.com/walk4fitness, put an ad on craigstlist about it and I also printed up flyers for it and started putting them up in my apartment community, i hung some up by the mailboxes, in the laundry room, i put a few on some peoples doors and this morning i put some on some cars. Today after work I am going to put some on more cars. I hope i dont get in trouble, but I do think its worth the risk. It will be so much better to have a group of people to walk with every morning. Last night a lady called me from the flyer, she is 22 years old and just had twins a month ago and she wants to start walking with us next Monday. Hopefully alot more people will call and i will have killed 2 birds with one stone: making friends and losing weight.!!!
Ever since i gave up the tv and internet I have been more focused. This week i just gradually started leading a healthier lifestyle. I go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time. I eat oatmeal, yogurt and fruit for breakfast, a 400 or less calorie Healthy Choice meal for lunch, trail mix for a late afternoon snack and whatever I want for dinner. So i weighed myself this morning and i had lost 3lbs. I am not doing any diets, just something called "intuitive eating". You should read about it: http://www.intuitiveeating.com/.
It's not easy, because you have to refrain from overeating but at the same time you can eat ANYTHING you want. It's alot harder than a diet that tells you exactly what to eat. The problem with diets is 95% of the people who go on diets of ANY kind gain the weight back.
95%!!
I know people who do ATKINS lose a ton of weight then gain it all back very quickly cause you cant stick to something like that for life. My own story is i have lost a lot of weight on diets and RESTRICTIVE eating plans, cleanses, etc.. and i not only gain it back but i gain a extra 25lbs each round. Intuitive eating is a interesting thing though. you have to just read about it and put yourself to the test to try to practice it. The good thing about it is that if you want a chocolate sundae you can have it, the keys are to know when you are full. Last night i had sushi for dinner. but then later in the night around 8:30 i wanted spinach dip and chez, so i microwaved the spinach dip and started eating it and i got through about 5 chips before i said "ok enough of that, i am not even hungry" so i put it away. Normally i would eat it all, cause it was sooo good.
Right now i am reading about how people who "How to keep losing weight when LIFE gets in the way". Its pertinent to me cause everytime something dramatic happens in my life I:
Overeat
Oversleep
those are the 2 things that will help you gain weight the fastest. lol and i am a scholar at them both. It's called stresseating. you just have to be really present in life and realize it when you are doing it. I also read a statistic that said For every 1 hour of tv you watch daily, it usually leads to 1 lbs of weight gain. Probably cause you sit when you watch tv adn that isnt active and ALSO most people snack when watching tv.
That statistic really relates to me.
