westvalley

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I think my anxiety has mellowed out. I have a better focus on things. I am sticking with Blackstone for several reasons. Not that I didn't love Dr J, I just think this is where I am suppose to be. The holidays and work are keeping me busy. Thanksgiving was good, I think I kinda ate like it was my last meal. I know time is just going to fly by. Once the New Year is here I have appointments throughout the months before my surgery to keep me occupied. And my class is going to be keeping me busy also. It took me a while to get here. I didn't go through a long drawn out process like some and for that I am blessed, but I have looked at the ins and out of this surgery for about 7 years and I am ready. I Guess when God felt it was time for me to approach this part of my life things just kinda fell into place. So I figure patience can only make this a more pleasant journey. I can only pray that things continue to work in my favor. I have been a little stressed, I think my chunckieness is finally catching up with. I am 27 and have aches and pains of someone 87. I have been overweight all my life but for the first time I feel the "real" effects and it has made me a bit depressed. How did I let this get so bad? Food is a lethel addiction that I have not conquered. Again I appreciate all my new OH friends. I think I would be lost without your support and insight.

Well every since I found out my date I have been struggling with my inner self (cheesey I know) about switching surgeons . I felt really good about the surgeon I chose. But then I guess I got anxious and wanted to switch doctors but other things have come to light that really made me feel like I NEEDED to switch not just WANTED to. I have a consult in a few days and I pray that I am making the right decision. I don't know, I guess I have a fear of being punished for originally wanting it done sooner. As my father always says Haste makes Waste!    But with everything around me going on I think the sooner the surgery the better but I also want to make sure I choose the right person for the job. My parents health doesn't seem to be getting better, my school situtation has become a little more flexible but it will still set me back to wait and before I didn't have the opportunity to explore other surgeons but now I do. I am just hoping I go to my consult and the light bulb comes on saying THIS IS RIGHT! I have gotten soooo much support from my friends here on OH and I just want to say thank you. I just dont know how well I would be handling all this if I didn't have the support. If your reading this pray for me, I need it and it would be much appreciated. I still haven't learned to understand the signs that God gives me when I ask for help so sometimes I still feel clueless . I don't want to live in this shell anymore it's been cramped for a long time and I just want to live my life and feel successful at something and I dont want to be afraid to go after my goals. Everyday of my life I feel embarassed just to walk the street. I avoid my friends because I am ashamed of myself . They don't know that though. They just feel like I am being antisocial or that I do it on purpose. When will I get to breathe?!

March 25th 2008!
Wow! I really just breathe a sigh of relief. Just to have things come closer to being full circle. I have been blessed with how smoothly everything has gone. When I started this I had no idea what to expect. I think negatively a lot so I guess I thought right away I would be denied or that it would take years for me to do. Just to be approved and have a date just puts me one step closer to everything. I hope I continue to be blessed through this journey. It truely is a new irthday for me. I want to have more energy for my son, I want to feel like a 27 year old not 87. There are so many things I want to try but I hold back because of my weight. I want to be able to say I live my life to the fullest with my family because they are so very important to me. I just want to thank my OH family for sending me support when I need it. On this site we are all angels for so many different people.

 I am still in shock. I was so preparing to wait weeks and make numerous phone calls to my insurance and in 3 hours and 40 minutes I was approved  .  I had to email my surgeons office back to make sure it was really for me. I don't get moments like this often so I feel really blessed . This surgery is something I so desparately need and I have been one of the lucky ones so far. You know how people feel when the win the lottery....that's how I feel. I can't even eat my lunch. Don't get me wrong I am totally excited but I have to come from the mentality of dealing with Cigna and then to have things turn out so smoothly (as far as the approval process) still amazes me. Thanks to everyone who has sent prayers and good lucks. I am now just waiting for the scheduler to call and give me a date.

Things have been going really slow but at least they are going. I just confirmed today that our insurance was effective 9/16 and BCBS is having the medical cards sent out and they should be here in about 5-10 days. Things are coming down to the wire and I feel myself getting nervous. I am so afraid of being rejected for the surgery it puts my stomach in knots. So hopefuly by Oct the ball will begin rolling again on this journey. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and "find" myself. I have wanted this for a long time and sometimes things just dont work in my favor. I have been praying for a successful weight loss journey. Just needed to let out some anxiety before I explode. Thanks

*****UPDATE*******
I felt it was totally unnecessary to add a completely new blog for something so small so I justed added here. Anywho I got my card in the mail a couple of days ago WOOHOO! And I had my doctors appointment today WOOHOO! And I requested my letter of medical necessity. I was so hoping to get it back today (my appointment was 715am) but no such luck so definately by tomorrow. I am hoping it's pulitzer prize worthy by insurance standards because it is costing me 50 BUCKS!!!! for her to write it. So I guess I'd rather her take her time. I supplied her with all kinds of info to include and she said she was thankful that I came prepared. She can only assist beyond my appointments if I can help provide additional info. So what I learned today GIVE YOUR PCP EVERYTHING!!! doesnt matter if you think it will help or not. I dug up my old high school medical records that listed my weight and height and she was glad I gave it to her to show proof that I was considered obese then. Yes at 14 I had a BMI of like 45.  Anyway I will be on here again letting you know when my info is sent to the insurance god's LOL...not that anyone is paying attention.

I know people wait years to have this surgery and get really anxious when things start coming down to the wire. Well I have been considering bariatric surgery for seven years and to be so close I have become so anxious. With this change coming up with my new insurance I just can't wait to see how things are going to turn out. I don't really have that much good luck and for once I would just like to have something I really want happen to for me. Hopefully my prayers will be answered soon. But I get my fill of happiness from reading about others success on OH. Anyway I just had to take some of that wishful thinking out of my head and put it onto print. I still have two more weeks to wait for my new insurance card to get here, but after that the wheels will start turning again. For it's the waiting game.

"Please God, let me be approved for surgery and let it be a success".

Okay it's been a while. I was in a car accident on July 6th so I have basically been out of commision since then. Let's start with the BAD: obviously the accident, my new car being wrecked, my inital consult with Dr Blackstone being pushed back again, reschedule sleep study and yes I fell so far off my diet I thought I would never recover. GOOD news: I had my inital consult with Dr Blackstone on 08/23/07. This made things feel so real. And come Sept 4th I will have new insurance that (from what I hear) is a bit easier than Cigna to get approved. I was so blessed by this change. I quit my job (yes this is good) and my husband's new federal insurance will be primary. Things are really feeling like they are falling into place and this may actually happen for me. I was so discouraged for months but I stuck it out and it finally seem like things are going to fall into place.

I had my first doctor's appointment with my NEW PCP, thanks to the advice of a member on here. I am hoping things will go better this time around. I have scheduled all of my appoinments with her for the next five months. I have decided to stick it out with my job because I know they cover it. I was so frustrated with my work situation but had to reconsider my options. I didn't want to run the chance of going to a company that didn't cover it. I am pretty hopeful right now. I refuse to get my hopes up about anything though, for fear of being disappointed. Well I guess that's it for now.