Zildjian

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Okay, I have vented a bit.

First thing is to announce my disease... Fatassandchinism.

I got up to 425 last year right about when my wife was going in for her surgery. She had a lap-band March '08. So I ate whatever she ate for the first 3 weeks. I mean to the letter. I wouldn't even taste a carrot to see if it was cooked for our home-made soup broth. Then shit when downhill once the solids came back. By September I was lying on the table myself ready to add that new tool to my toolbelt of healthy living.

September 26, 2008 I modified my body to help me with my disease Fatassandchinism. I was supposed to come back in 3 weeks to get my evaluation and hopefully my first fill. I ended up getting my first fill the day before Thanksgiving. Didn't make much difference at all. However I was eating slowly and choosing my food right. I end up getting a few more fills, and am up to 8cc by February. Nothing.... No restriction, and I am gaining weight.  Now I am up to 408 from 392 surgery day. (399 as weighed in after surgery. I use that weight so I can feel better about my journey)

Now I have seen the doc every 3 weeks since Feb. Why the fuck should I wait 3 weeks? Don't they realize that Fatassandchinism patients are focused on fucking results? I swear the doctor must have though I was going to eat him one time when I had gained 5 pounds and he was like "you're doing great!". I am sick of waiting 3 weeks to see if it's working. I am up to 12cc now and I am finally decently restricted. $30 a visit, no wonder they drag it on so long.

There must be a better way to do this. One week waiting periods would be better, I mean I would have been done in January for crying out loud.

So now I am walking every day. Mixed with some running. I never thought I would run, because I don't like it, not because I couldn't. But I see myself wanting to do more because my wife relies on this too. She wants to runa marathon, and do a triathalon, and I don't want her doing it with some internet stranger. Let her do it with me.

On April 27th, I was down to 392.2 - That's officially what I weighed the morning of my surgery, but in my mind I have lost 7.5 pounds now, becuase I can't fucking take the Fatassandchinism beating me anymore. Officially, I came from 425, so I have lost 32 pounds dammit!

Anybody out there struggling with the reality that you hacked up your body to change your life, and shit ain't happening yet... be cool. Go back, get another fill, and make them see you sooner. You will know when it happens BELIEVE ME.

My last cc did a huge change. In fact, I am only getting one more half, and I think I will be done. I am eating WAY less, and learning to take smaller bites. I used to think it was all in how you chew it, but it's not that simple. You need to eat slow, and small. I used to clean a plate in about 10 minutes at home. Now I have half the plate, and sometimes it could be 20 or 30 minutes, or I put it away and use it as a snack later.

I am hoping to lose more weight this next visit May 17th, so wish me luck.

Whelp...I did it and the worst is over.

The band is in place and my life has started over. I feel like I did when I stopped drinking alcohol 13 years ago. I went 6 years without a drop, and since I had my first drink after stopping, I have drank in moderation, far less than ever before. I plan on this journey being even more successful. Not only will I start processing my food decisions better, but I plan on focusing on modifying my lifestyle so that it is not even a challenge to make the right decisions. I want to be able to walk into any situation and be able to make the right choices without skipping a beat. This surgery is a starting point for my entire family to join together and make things right.

So here I go, I need to get these damn staples out on the 8th. They never said I would have staples dammit! My wife didn't have staples! BooHoo!!! Nevertheless, I feel so empowered. I have been doing liquids and some mushy solids. I know what the rules are, but I am also fortunate to have the hindsight of what my wife went through to know the ups and downs.

So, I ate dinner tonight, a bit of our copied version of Olive Garden's Zuppa Tuscana. My wife makes a souperb version of it.  I poured my usual sized bowl not thinking anything at first, then I giggled on my way back to the table. I thought to myself, are you really going to eat all that? Without thinking much more about it (ADD) I began eating the soup while watching a show on TV. Next thing you know I had this alarm clock like awakening in my head. HEY DUMMY... YOU'RE FULL!!!

I looked down and there was a half full bowl staring at me, I thought to myself... SHIT! this is real. Even though I haven't had a fill yet, there is definitely something in there. It's like the alien or something. Except this will reduce my appetite. So I was able to put that in the fridge for tomorrow. I got myself some soups at the store, and 2 cans should be good for about 5 days of lunches. MAN! I am going to save money too!!! This is great because I am a tightwad. I have a huge bucket of protein drink stuff left over from when I had "virtual" surgery with my wife, and I stocked up on fat free vanilla yogurt, cottage cheese, and frozen fruit to make smotthies up the ass and have plenty of options for my protein intake.

Fortunately as a man, I don't need to have many choices. I could get away with tuna and beans 7 days a week, so for lunch I don't need to be creative for myself, just for Shawna. Anyhow...

The pain meds they gave me are great. I have been stoned all day and loved it. I was able to help make dinner and I was on my feet enough to ward off any blood clots. 30 minutes walking a day? SHEEEEEIIIIIITTT!!! I got that handled. I even have one refill left.

I will take Monday off work though. When I went without the pain meds yesterday, I FELT it, and I think riding the motorcycle to work might be a bit difficult with the abdomen healing. One more day might buy me some time to heal a bit more. Plus I don't want to ride under the influence of these meds, it's liquid Vicoden. BOOO YAH!!!

I have put this off. My wife had the surgery March 14, 2008 and I said I was going to do this without the surgery. It lasted 3weeks through the liquid diet part successfully. I started back into my old ways when we hit the solid foods. I made her a promise that if I couldn't do it I would then have surgery. At first I was trying to find reasons not to have it. Justifying the way I was eating with helping her slide away when her band wasn't filled yet. I thought it was going to be easy because I would taking care of both of us and I thought that I could succeed along with her. Eventually after her fills she started to get back on track but, I was too far gone. I then watched her have to eat small bites, I watched her have to give up pop, I watched her sometimes vomit and told myself that this was scary and it wasn't going to work anyhow. I was making excuses and living in denial. Then one day I looked at myself and realized I needed to make the change not because of a promise but, because I want to live life with her and for her and my kids. It also helps to watch your wife lose 50 lbs and change... and feel left behind. In 2005 I got down to my lowest weight in 10 years...I started on a diabetic diet because my wife was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. We started doing everything together. I worked afternoons so, we were able to eat all our meals together, exercise/worked out 5 days a week 3 hrs a day. We started by walking 1 mile a day, then 3, then 5 then finally fall came and we joined the YMCA since Michigan gets cold and snowy... we started on the ellpitpical and ended up taking classes for circuit training, kickboxing, etc and we swam in the pool daily. We became addicts. Then I was switched to days, she had a kidney stone and a hard class in college and couldn't keep up...and I had to help with the kids, driving them to school, etc and eventually we both ended up letting life run us and food consume us... again.

My pictures were taken 2 days before my wife's surgery. We took them together. She is shawnawrites on my friends list. I guess we do everything together. We support eachother. I know that this is all going to work out because together everything we do is a success. It's when we try alone that the failure begins... etc since surgery I will say she is succeeding alone with some bumps in the road.

Time for me to get on the bus. On a personal note... I have a boy 13, girl, 12, and another girl 7. I also have 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 bunnies...and well the bunnies have just had babies. We live a crazy busy life where in the past we gave ourselves away. This year we have grown and learned we too need time for ourselves and this surgery is just that... we are giving ourselves a chance at a long, healthy, life.