Lost Hope 2

May 07, 2009

Okay, I have vented a bit.

First thing is to announce my disease... Fatassandchinism.

I got up to 425 last year right about when my wife was going in for her surgery. She had a lap-band March '08. So I ate whatever she ate for the first 3 weeks. I mean to the letter. I wouldn't even taste a carrot to see if it was cooked for our home-made soup broth. Then shit when downhill once the solids came back. By September I was lying on the table myself ready to add that new tool to my toolbelt of healthy living.

September 26, 2008 I modified my body to help me with my disease Fatassandchinism. I was supposed to come back in 3 weeks to get my evaluation and hopefully my first fill. I ended up getting my first fill the day before Thanksgiving. Didn't make much difference at all. However I was eating slowly and choosing my food right. I end up getting a few more fills, and am up to 8cc by February. Nothing.... No restriction, and I am gaining weight.  Now I am up to 408 from 392 surgery day. (399 as weighed in after surgery. I use that weight so I can feel better about my journey)

Now I have seen the doc every 3 weeks since Feb. Why the fuck should I wait 3 weeks? Don't they realize that Fatassandchinism patients are focused on fucking results? I swear the doctor must have though I was going to eat him one time when I had gained 5 pounds and he was like "you're doing great!". I am sick of waiting 3 weeks to see if it's working. I am up to 12cc now and I am finally decently restricted. $30 a visit, no wonder they drag it on so long.

There must be a better way to do this. One week waiting periods would be better, I mean I would have been done in January for crying out loud.

So now I am walking every day. Mixed with some running. I never thought I would run, because I don't like it, not because I couldn't. But I see myself wanting to do more because my wife relies on this too. She wants to runa marathon, and do a triathalon, and I don't want her doing it with some internet stranger. Let her do it with me.

On April 27th, I was down to 392.2 - That's officially what I weighed the morning of my surgery, but in my mind I have lost 7.5 pounds now, becuase I can't fucking take the Fatassandchinism beating me anymore. Officially, I came from 425, so I have lost 32 pounds dammit!

Anybody out there struggling with the reality that you hacked up your body to change your life, and shit ain't happening yet... be cool. Go back, get another fill, and make them see you sooner. You will know when it happens BELIEVE ME.

My last cc did a huge change. In fact, I am only getting one more half, and I think I will be done. I am eating WAY less, and learning to take smaller bites. I used to think it was all in how you chew it, but it's not that simple. You need to eat slow, and small. I used to clean a plate in about 10 minutes at home. Now I have half the plate, and sometimes it could be 20 or 30 minutes, or I put it away and use it as a snack later.

I am hoping to lose more weight this next visit May 17th, so wish me luck.

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