IrishRN

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Haven't written much lately just reading and thinking. I have approval from my insurance company and have my appointments starting in the next 1 1/2 weeks.  I will first see medical for clearance, then counselor, and the last one with my surgeon. I couldn't believe how quick it was. They told me that most of the waiting time is due to the insurance. They couldn't believe I had it approved that fast. I told them that when I was researching it I had my PCP send it in. So, I had it ahead of time. Once they approve you for barriatric surgical eval you are approved for surgery if the surgeon agrees.

I guess what I feel is peace. My life in a holding pattern waiting to begin. I found a support group in my area. I start that on Thursday. I can't wait to meet people that fell the same way as I do.

I am at peace

I feel so incredibly low. i don't go out and I don't have friends that I do things with. I am tipping the scales
at almost 260. I am waiting for my appointment with my surgeon. Tomorrow I am going to have my labs drawn.
My blood pressure has hit an all high 149/108

Today is the anniversary of my sister's death. It has been 7 years. She died in 10 from diagnosis. It is also was my wedding day. I would have been married for 27 years.

It is a hard hard weekend.

My friend and I met for dinner tonight. I had told her I wanted to talk to her. She had gastric bypass almost a year ago. So I told her tonight I have made a decision to pursue barriatric surgery. She is very happy for me and is going with me to
the seminar.
It feels good to have someone support you. My doctor also said he feels this is a good move. It has been a good day.

I took my youngest out today to get him some shorts. I looked only at purses and shoes. I am so tired
of wearing plus sizes. Feeling blue. I haven't been on a date in about 5 years. I have been divorced for over10.
I wonder if I will ever feel proud of myself that I will go back out there.

I have my class for surgery and meeting my surgeon on 7/8. I am looking forward to it but often wonder
what I have to go through and how long does the whole process take?
I
I love coming here. These people are so inspirational and supportive.

Well I faced the music and had a physical. Told the doctor all of the things that have been bothering me arches of my feet, hips and my knees. He reviewed everything. My years of high cholesterol, failing at diet after diet, I told him I want to live my life. He said I can help you with that. He said I qualified. His referral person will start the process. I am scheduled for the surgery seminar next week and am asking my girlfriend who had gastric bypass to go with me.

I feel relieved, relaxed, finally someone will help me.

This past week I am feeing a great amount of grief. Feeling sad, embaressed and ashamed.
My appointment with my doctor is Monday. He is very supportive of me and I have no doubts
he will advocate for my surgery. I am also afraid of what else this appointment will bring forth
diabetes, my blood pressure has been elevated. I am dreadng that.

It was a long day. I come to OH to get inspired and something to look forward to. I love to read
all of everyones stories.
Tonight I expereinced chest tightness and arm pain. I noticed this every once in a while. I also have
aquagenic pruritis. Meaning I itch when I come in contact with water or when it is humid. The itching
isn't' the kind that is relieved by scratching. It is intense to the point you want to tear your skin off. It lasts
for up to 2 hours and only hits a certain area. I notice it more as the scale goes up. My Dad had the same thing
and went to Mayo and they could not help him either. Mine came to head a year after he died. They say it is
a precursor to certain cancers. Oh well.
I am trying to be in control of my health. Thinking that this will do oit. I told someone today I am close with
my intentions. She did not agree. She said can't you try again (diet). I told her that the diet would not be a permanent
solution. I will regain it. This will change me for good. She told me to look at some of the other people I work with
and how unhealthy they look. I am thinking I will be different.
The whole thing was disheartening.

Well, after thinking about talking to my doctor I decided to call and make an appointment. I have been avoiding the doctors for over 4 years. Was so ashamed of my weight. I was able to get an appointment next Monday. Before I would said oh anything in the next 6 months. The last time I had seen him we touched on the topic and he said he would go to bat for me. I decided against it. Well after a few years passing and the yo-yo dieting continuing I have said no more! I need help.

So, I am going to get together this week a list of my health problems including my family which have all passed away in a 3 year period of time. I remember when my Mom was dying she told me to get help for my weight as she did not want to see me end up a diabetic. My father who had undetected high levels of cholesterol and triglycerides lost both his legs because they were clotted from the direct results of that. They couldn not bypass it. I have been on the strongest medication and my levels are still not normal.

So, here we go the first step on my journey.

I have done some deep soul searching this past week. I have made the decision that the sleeve is what will work for me. I am scheduling an appointment with my physician to dicuss. I have done the medical  weightloss without success and much heartache as I gained even more. According to my insurance that is considered noncompliance.

I have talked to my youngest and told him I have to take control of my health and I am going to begin the process. I am feeling more settled since making a decision. I am at peace.

It's Saturday and I don't want to do anything. Feeling flat and worn out.  been doing allot of reasearch on surgery. The more I read the more I understand how this would be a reasonable decision. My risk factors outweigh it all.
I took a good look in the mirro last night. I didn't cry I thought ok what am I going to do about it? What is going to be the right decision for me?
I called my best friend. Last year she had gastric bypass. During the time she was preparing for it she avoided me. Now I understand why. I would have given her a hard time about it. she knew it was right for her. I am hoping she and I can meet so I can talk about this.
I am scheduling an appointment with my doctor. The last time I was there he said I better be sure this is what I wanted that he would go to bat for me.
I am such high risk for diabetes. For all I know I could be diabetic. I haven't been to the doctor in over4 years, I am also genetically predisposed to cancer. I never went through the testing as I can't live my life like that.
Going to do more reserch today.