Jasmine130

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I see it's been a little while since I've updated my blog.  Let's see, what's new?

Well, I'm still hovering right around 145.  You don't hear me complaining.  I don't know if I'm on a stall and will lose some more, or if I have arrived at the place where my body says, "okay done!".  If it's the latter, I am immensely happy with my results and feeling just great!

I'm looking at having phase one of my plastic surgery this coming April.  I have a couple of other things to figure out first.  Turns out I have sludge in my gallbladder (could actually be little stones, like gravel); also a kidney stone in my left kidney, and a kinked ureter leading from my right kidney.  Yep!

I've seen a surgeon re my gallbladder, which he says eventually will have to come out.  The timing is up to me.  I see a urologist on Friday to get his thoughts on the kidney department.  My options include doing nothing now, or having my gallbladder removed and my ureter unkinked before plastics.  I dunno yet, I'm gathering data and in the meanwhile have had no symptoms related to either problem since mid-January.

I'm wearing pants in sizes 6,7,8 depending upon the cut.  Me! The one who started out this journey just barely being able to get into size 30/32 from the Avenue.  I'm able now to wear the ring my husband gave me when we were dating back in 1979.  I never thought I would be able to wear that ring again without considerable re-sizing.  Wow!

I have a great deal of energy and every day when I get out of bed, I am reminded again of how light and strong my body feels.  I wonder if that feeling will ever go away? If the novelty wears off, I will find new ways to remind myself of how grateful I am for the opportunity to re-do my health and my life.

I can hardly believe it's February 2009 already.  It's been over 16 months since I had my lap RNY and I've gone past my initial goal, most days hovering in the 146-148 pound range.  I often think, what if I hadn't had my surgery, what if I had put it off, thinking I'll just try ONE MORE DIET.  I can't kid myself.  2008 would have come and gone and here I would have been in 2009, fatter, sicker and more hopeless than ever, I am certain of it.  The 206+ excess pounds I was hauling around on my little frame were an extreme burden in every way.  I had a lot of pain in my hips, knees and back.  I would great breathless crossing a parking lot or taking one short flight of stairs.  I felt out of control and ashamed at what I had become: a severely morbidly obese woman.  I hated myself and defended myself all at the same time.  I bristled at how I thought people treated me, or ignored me, because of my appearance, thinking it was unjust.  Well, it is unjust to mistreat someone because of their appearance, but somehow I thought I could change all that for fat people everywhere, just by continuing to do my own thing and staying fat and living my  life.  At the same time, I longed to be free of all the weight that choking me, literally and emotionally, every day and every night of my life.  I guess I was conflicted on a number of different levels.

As I sit and write these reflections, I'm wearing a pair of size 8 jeans, crossing my legs and everything :).  I looked at myself in the mirror a little while ago and really liked what I saw.  I feel cute, I feel little, I feel free and fast.  I can walk miles on end without pain or shortness of breath.  Underneath my excess skin, I have the musculature of an athlete.  Me!

It feels almost unreal to be here at this time and place and write about all the ways this surgery, and my careful use of it, have given me my life back.  But it's true, it's all true, and if you're reading this a little earlier in your journey, my wish is that my story gives you hope and that you will experience the same joy and re-birth that I am feeling today.

I visited family out of state this past week, and had a great time.  Lots of wows, you look greats,....very encouraging and uplifting.  One fun thing that I'm still WOWing over is -- I played Dance Dance Revolution with my 12-year old nephew!  I've never played it before, but I was able to keep up and even did some of the faster songs,  with the hops and switches.  I worked up a good sweat and it felt just great!  Loving my RNY and all the positive changes in my life since losing all that weight.

Tomorrow I'm going to my first plastics consult with a surgeon who was recommended to me by Dr. Feng, who performed my gastric bypass on 09/24/2007.  This surgeon is a little over an hour away from me, so I decided to just take the day off as a medical day and take my sweet time about the whole thing.  Who knows, I might hit some outlet stores on the way home.  Not that I really need any more clothes, I'm pretty set for right now. 

I have watched so many Big Medicine episodes where gastric bypass patients who have lost lots of weight head over to the PS for body contouring, I feel like I've already been through the consultation process!  But who knows, every surgeon, every office is different and it will be important for me to get a feel for this surgeon's approach, how friendly and helpful his staff seem, and certainly what his operating suite looks like.  I'll look at some before and afters, and I will also get names of some of his patients who had body contouring done for the same reason I'm pursuing it -- and will talk to them.

I will do my homework!

Strange....I've been stalled out now for a few weeks, but I'm still a shrinky-dink.  Yesterday I scoured some local stores for after-holiday clearance sales.   Bought 2 pairs of pants, one size 8, one size 6.  I really liked the size 6 and figured, I'll grow into them by the end of spring.  Got home, tried on the 8s, they fit, just need to be hemmed -- of course.  Tried on the 6s -- a little snug in the apron department, but not uncomfortable!  With the right shirt, I can wear them no problem -- after I get them hemmed too.  I honestly don't remember ever wearing a size 6.  I think I went directly from "chubby" girl sizes to I don't know, size 12 and then up from there very quickly.

Size 6....wow!!!!!

It's hard for me to wrap my mind around this, but it's a fact.  I now wear size 8 shorts and jeans! And they fit very comfortably, no squeezing, gasping involved.  At first I thought it was a fluke with one pair of pants, but no -- I have several pants in size eight and even a skirt that I truly thought that I would never get into and would end up giving away.

It's time for me now to sort through all my clothes again and get rid of the ones that are too big.  I think I'll do another garage sale and use the funds for our upcoming vacation in July.  Or for my plastics! 

What a difference 200+ pounds makes in my ability to exercise, vigorously!  I used to be somewhat of an athlete, ran 6 to 8 miles a day, played basketball, rode bike, hiked all over the mountains, sailed....

Being severely morbidly obese cut out all of that stuff in my life.  I forgot how to move like an athlete, how to feel strong, how to feel fast. 

But my body did not forget!  As the pounds have come off, my energy has soared through the roof. My body wants to move all the time.  Except when I go to bed, though; thankfully, I sleep like a babe every night.

Anyway, when I was very fat, but not at my highest, I used to like to kickbox.  It would just about kill me though.  First time, I thought I was going to throw up and then pass out.  Next time, I just felt like I was going to throw up.  I kept on going and really liked but was not able to execute all the moves like the others in the class, all of whom were thinner than I.  Once I injured my knee, though, I stopped going to that class.

Last Saturday, I dropped in on a kickboxing class at a local women's health club (a "size-acceptance" club that I've been familiar with for many years).  The instructor is an old friend of mine whom I haven't seen in probably 5 years.  I headed to the front of the class and she said I looked vaguely familiar, and asked "Don't I know you from somewhere?" LOL.  We reacquainted and she began the class.  I am so excited to write that I not only kept up for the solid hour, but I could do ALL the moves, even with extra little hops like the "fit girls" used to do in my old class.  It was exhilerating.  I wasn't even ashamed to look at myself in the mirrors that line 2 of the walls in the studio.  I kind of liked what I saw, in fact.  I am so charged up about this!  Wooty woot!!!!

Right after the class, I had a balancing facial, also at the health club. 70 minutes of pure bliss, wonderful aromatics, including accupressure and neck, shoulder and facial massage.  My skin drank in the moisture and I was so glowy I didn't need makeup even today. 

Oh!  And I should record here -- DH and I did a 6-mile hike along the San Andreas fault on January 1st.  The fault here is covered in a very deep and beautiful lake, with a backdrop  of rolling, forested mountains.  Between the mist and the ducks, the trees and my best friend in the whole world, it was a beautiful way to start the new year and get in some serious exercise. 

Life is good and I am so blessed!

I read a post and responded this evening on the topic of eating foods after surgery that got us into "trouble" before surgery.  I'm writing this to help reinforce in me the necessity to stay away from -- don't flirt with -- foods that are triggers for me.  Some of these foods -- like sweets -- will cause me to dump and be miserable.  This is helpful "negative reinforcement" for me.  Other foods, the snacky, salty, "slider" foods don't cause me to dump and because they're things like crackers and pretzels, dissolve fairly quickly, allowing me potentially to eat past my caloric allotment.

So for me to be faithful to myself, and faithful to my plan, I just can't flirt with those trigger foods.  I can't dance too close to that fire or I will certainly burn myself.

Hooray!!! I have made goal!!! Actually, I weighed in a tiny bit below goal today, at 149.9 pounds.  I am insanely happy!

Am I dreaming...is this for real?  It is for real, but wow it's hard to believe I've lost over 200 pounds.  I am so grateful.