Jasmine130

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It's very hard to believe, but it's true:  I have now lost over 200 pounds!  My life is so different and better in many, many ways.  I can move freely, my joint pains are gone; gone are the daily severe headaches, the high blood pressure, the obstructive sleep apnea, the pre-diabetic blood sugar levels.  Back are the self-confidence and joy of being just normal for the first time in decades.  This is a season of gratitude and thanksgiving and I am enormously grateful for having been able to have this surgery which gave me the tool to improve my life, to get my life back really!

Here's an article that I found somewhere online, having to do with the physical and emotional/mental dynamics of simple carbohydrate ingestion leading to binges:

Brain Chemistry   Combinations of foods in the blood trigger effects very similar to alcohol.   By Robert Lefever, MD, BChir, and Marie Shafe, EdD  

All of us like to “look right” and “feel right”. We may not have a clear image of what is right, but we may be very clear that we do not like the way we look or the way we feel at the present time. Yet, when we change we may not be as satisfied as we thought we would be with the end result. We may find that our newfound satisfaction does not last very long because we find it extraordinarily difficult to maintain our new behavior and self-image. We feel ashamed of ourselves for being so “weak-willed” and the whole desperate search for perfect control begins all over again.  

The intensity of this process varies enormously from one person to another. Some people are more or less content with themselves the way they are and do not feel any great need for change. Most people would like to change a bit – be slimmer, more fit or more attractive – and there are times when they make a determined effort in these directions. But there are some people whose lives become dominated by these quests to be slimmer, more fit, attractive or not to eat so much. We refer to these people as having “eating disorders”, although that really describes the end result rather than the cause, which is a “feeling disorder”.   The true nature of these eating/feeling disorders is that we crave something “out there” to change the feeling “in here”. Out there may be a substance such as sugar, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, amphetamines, tranquilizers or a compulsive process such as bingeing or starving, spending, risk-taking, exercising or even another person. Anything or anybody may help alter moods and feeling. But some things “work” particularly well. These particular substances, processes or relationships are used to excess to an increasingly destructive degree until they are addictive.  

Addictive Disease.   There is a lot of confusion and fear surrounding the word addiction. Examining this substance or process as an addictive disease takes away the sense of shame and allows us to look at addictive craving or addictive behavior with the same concern and understanding that we should bring to any other clinical condition. However, this does not take away the responsibility for behavior and recovery.  

There is increasing evidence that compulsive behavior runs in families or may be genetic. Anorexia nervosa, for example, is seven times more common in some families than in the general population. Addiction disease, for many, seems increasingly likely to be part of “the way we are”.  

People who suffer from addictive disease often find that is has several outlets. Closing one outlet – for example, to stop drinking alcohol – may open another outlet – such as nicotine.  

Food as a Drug.   People often imagine that food addictions are particularly difficult because food cannot be given up in the way that someone suffering from alcoholism can give up alcohol. In fact, the “drugs” of eating disorders are sugar, white flour, and other refined carbohydrates. The sheer quantities of sugars and refined carbohydrates consumed today by the average individual in the developed world is vast compared to what our bodies were designed to cope with or ingest. 

There is evidence that major “modern” diseases including heart disease, cancer, kidney failure, pancreatic disease and gallbladder disease are linked to high consumption of sugar and refined carbohydrates.   Sugar and refined carbohydrates may be simply foods to most people, just as alcohol is simply a drink. 

For people with or predisposed to addictive disease, however, these are drugs. They have a significant mood-altering effect through their direct action on the “mood centers” of the brain in addition to the calories and other nutritional elements they provide. Once the mood centers are stimulated in any way by the first use of an addictive substance or process, the addictive cravings will set in and the full addictive process sets off.  

For the eating disordered individual, there are two major concerns relative to the food substance: 1). The disorder of neurotransmitter in the brain center stimulated by the agents of sugar and white flour, and 2) fat grams which are more pound-inducing than sugar. A close look reveals that refined carbohydrates and white flour are 20 percent as potent as refined sugar in their mood-altering properties.  

Feeling Disorders.   Earlier, we mentioned that eating disorders are really “feeling disorders” because of the desire to “mood-alter” from such feelings as depression, shame, control and fear of abandonment and rejection. Sugar and white flour stimulate an increase in the transmission of dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine. As the synapses become flooded with these neurotransmitters, a feeling of euphoria results and craving is stimulated.

As these three neurochemicals increase in supply at the synapses, there is a decrease in the needed neurotransmitter to fill receptors as receptors continue to be produced.   We now find a brain transmitter deficiency. The sugar and white flour have blocked the recycling of neurotransmitter dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. The net effect of continued, long-term use is to increase the level of “breakdown products”. These products break down dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine and decrease the supply of needed neurotransmitters. In other words, they scramble the production, release and recycle process in the hypothalamus. Since the hypothalamus is the center for emotional and ingestive behavior, one’s mood and craving become like an out of control “roller coaster”. One actually becomes intoxicated by the sugar, white flour and other refined carbohydrates as they act as alcohol in the blood system and hypothalamus.  

When insufficient amounts of neurotransmitter are produced and released and receptor sites are left unfilled, the result becomes feelings of craving, distress and depression. This process is similar to that presented for chemical dependency by researchers, Blum, Trachtenberg, and Kozlowski. They indicate this condition may result from a genetic irregularity, or effects of stress, drug abuse or food deprivation. We believe it also results from the intake of sugar and white flour.

The state of euphoria resulting from a surge of serotonin or dopamine is often followed by hyperexcitability and feelings of shame, abandonment and worthlessness.   Neurotransmitter deficits are restored by the removal of sugar, white flour and other refined carbohydrate from the diet. 

Addictive properties.   The addictive properties of sugar and white flour continue to be ignored just as the relation between high blood pressure, heart disease, circulatory disease, kidney failure, cancer and other diseases and what we eat and how much are ignored. There is a correlation between the death rates compiled by the National Center of Health Statistics and the trend in sugar and fat-laden foods recorded by the Department of Agriculture.  

We find that it takes an increasing frequency and amount of sugar, white flour and other refined carbohydrates to induce the desired high or euphoric state. The food addict develops a high tolerance for volume until a crash occurs due to health difficulties and the increased imbalance of neurotransmitter and receptors in the brain center.  

Giving up sugar and white flour and replacing them with whole grain/whole wheat and the natural sugar in fruit is easier said than done. There are many forms of sugar. Manufacturers hide sugar in processed and fast foods. They know that adding sugar gets consumers hooked on sugar-additive foods.   There is also a distinct withdrawal when one stops eating sugar and white flour. This is true because systems must detox from these addictive substances.

These symptoms include: dizziness, headaches, extreme irritability, insomnia, restlessness, mental disorientation, forgetting and a growing inner emptiness or depression that led to the addiction in the first place. These symptoms gradually taper off after about 10 days. The food addict may experience occasional cravings later on when we are under emotional distresses of one kind or another, but the withdrawal symptoms are gone for good.  

Withdrawal.   Special caution is necessary during the withdrawal period as the urge to self-medicate with sugar, white flour and other refined carbohydrates will heighten. Depression or anxiety motivates one toward food for comfort or reward – to feel better. sugar increases the amount of brain chemical serotonin for a quick high or fix. Milk, fresh vegetables and whole grains increase the supply of serotonin as well but at a much slower, natural rate.   You may ask, “Is alcohol a refined carbohydrate?”. Yes, it is the ultimate refined carbohydrate. It is unsafe for sufferers from eating disorders to drink alcohol. Even if they never had problems with alcohol, they increase the risk of blocking or interfering with neurotransmitter balance and restimulating the eating disorder. Correspondingly, sufferers from alcoholism are well advised to give up sugar and white flour because they will act to restimulate an imbalance of the neurotransmitter.  

In 1971, Roger Williams of Loma Linda University conducted an experiment where a diet high in sugar and white flour produced a marked preference for alcohol. Williams concluded that alcoholism is, to a large extent, a metabolic disorder exacerbated by sugar and white flour.   A common fear is that food addicts will have to give up all things they enjoy. These justifications and rationalizations are a major mental characteristic of addictive disease. They want to fantasize about substances, processes or relationships that put the joy and meaning into their lives. One unexpected pleasure is beginning to enjoy food and mealtimes for perhaps the first time. gone are the cravings, the dining table strategy of how little or how much to stake away, and the shame. They can experience the actual taste of food, enjoy conversation and move toward serenity.  

Recovery is an everyday process. It means first giving up sugar and white flour, then attending 12-step meetings regularly and working a program of recovery.   

The Diet Myth.   It is evident that diets do not work. If they did, they would not produce a multi-billion dollar industry each year. If they did, we would not see the proliferation of the “New Miracle Diets” or “New Seven Day Wonder Diets”. Diets and diet pills do not work because they only offer ways to temporarily suppress the appetite. This can be done just as well by consuming lemon juice and water. The only thing that will really address the issue here is the focus upon the restoration of the deficit or imbalance of the neurotransmitter-receptor process.   The real issue is that recovery from eating disorders is a process of acknowledging the intoxicating effects of sugar, white flour and other refined carbohydrates along with the spiritual process.  

The spiritual process is working on the development of the human spirit, allowing for the rekindling of hope, love, trust, self-appreciation and all the other intangible dimensions that make life so worthwhile. These are the very things that addictive disease suppresses. The distortions of body image (thinking that one looks dramatically different from what in reality one does look like) are a major feature of eating disorders. This provides further evidence that the disease and its recovery must have an essential spiritual component.

Soon, I will be 14 months out from my surgery. I am 5 pounds away from my initial goal of 150. I am considering going down another 20 pounds.

My life has changed tremendously for the better, as the weight has come off. I have so much more energy, stamina, confidence and hope. I no longer have pain in my back, knees and hips and everything is easier, from shopping, going on walks, riding my bike....even getting in and out of bed!

This surgery has truly given me my life back. But if I am to hold onto this new life for which I have fought so hard...I know I have to "work on my head". If I am going to avoid succumbing to my old addictive, destructive patterns, I must work on the emotional, pyschological and physically addictive components that brought me to being severely morbidly obest in the first place.

To that end, I have joined Overeaters Anonymous, a new adventure for me. I attend two WLS support groups a month. And I have contacted a group of therapists and on Friday had a preliminary telephone interview as a first step in meeting with a psychologist who specializes in food addictions.

More to come as I begin this important work.....

Today when I weighed in and updated my profile, I saw that my BMI is now 25.8.  Almost normal!  Only those who have been seriously overweight, or gone through other devasting and/or deforming situations know what it's like to long for normal. 

What Normal Means for Me:

I don't stick out in a crowd or social situation as the enormous woman.
I can shop at "regular" stores for my clothing
I can go through a day without constantly thinking about food.
I can sit on "regular" chairs without worry that I won't fit, or that they will give out underneath me.
I can fit in stadium seats, theater seats and booths a restaurants.
I am not judged first on the size of my body.

Normal is a tremendous gift.

Yesterday October 24th 2008 was my 13-month "surgiversary" and it was marked by some fabulous firsts. I had decided to take yesterday off of work just to burn off some vacation time and as it happened, DH also had the day off. I wasn't even thinking that it was my 13-month mark :).

In deciding what to do with our surprise day together I put together some choices, all outside, all fairly active. My husband chose: Let's go to the San Francisco Zoo, then have lunch, then let's walk the Golden Gate Bridge! So that's what we did. I packed some snax, some water and off we went.

We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day in The City. The weather was in the low 70s without a cloud in the sky. Almost all the animals were "out" and we saw so many beautiful creatures and learned things we didn't know before (like the deer from India, who eats meat and barks -- and when it starts barking, it barks for an hour!!!).

We had a little repast at the zoo then headed over to the Bridge. We walked across, kissed at several strategic stops. We reached the vista point at the other side, stopped for a bathroom break, took in the views and then headed back over. It was magnificent and I am so thrilled to say that I had no difficulty whatsoever with all this walking, and had plenty of energy left over!

After the Bridge we hopped back into the car and headed a few blocks to Fisherman's Wharf. We scored the best parking place ever and went to Cioppino's. DH had the seafood saute and I had an organic greens salad and some minestrone. We walked a few blocks more and stopped in candy store that has a good selection of sugar fee candies. I picked up some SF taffy, my fave :).

What a beautiful and blessed day, full of lovely surprises and wonderful things to see. My fave times are those I spend with DH and getting to enjoy those times in my new body is beyond amazing.

Today was the first day I got back on my bike and rode it around the neighborhood, since my bad bike accident on June 13, 2008. Shhh, don't tell my physical therapist, okay?

I was a little fearful, even hubby was nervous, but I took a fairly short ride to my tailors to get some pants hemmed. I could do it myself sure....but she has a serger and does a great job. I've been having her take in a few of my more expensive clothes as I lose weight.

Speaking of which -- I bought size 10P pair jeans at Target the other day. Yowza! And they have room to spare. I wore them the other day, with a black turtleneck cotton shirt...tucked in...with a belt! Man oh man. It was a little scary for me. But I got a lot of compliments. And my husband said I was a real hottie. Me!

Back to my bike ride...I felt great. I felt light and fit, and I feel that if I ride a little a few times a week, I will build up my confidence again.

Well I hit my 1-year surgiversary last week, on September 24, 2008.  The year has gone by so quickly, and so many positive changes have taken place.  I've lost about 190 lbs.! I've given away tons of clothes, and also had a garage sale in which I was able to sell a bunch of clothes that had gotten too big for me.  I can shop in "regular" stores now and most of my tops are size medium, most pants, shorts, skirts and dresses are size 12. 

I am starting to comprehend my new body size.  It was a long time before I began to understand that I have become much smaller.  Even now, when I look in the mirror, oftentimes my eyes go straight to my "flaws" -- the belly and behind I still have, for instance.  But more and more frequently, I see the weight loss.

When I was very heavy, sometimes I would catch a glimpse of myself say in a store window, and would be shocked at how huge I had become.  I was in great denial, and would try to convince myself that the glass must be distorted, or that it was a bad angle...anything to try to rationalize and convince myself that I could not possibly be so out of control.

Now, I catch myself sometimes in a reflection and think: Wow, is that really me?  That little person?

I have about 14 pounds to go before I reach my goal of 150 pounds.  I'm thinking of shooting for 135-140 pounds in order to accommodate the minor upswing that I see a lot of people experience after they reach their goal.  I don't think I will look too thin at that weight, but I will try to keep an honest eye on myself.

As for excess skin -- I certainly do have excess skin on my upper arms.  I carried a lot of weight there when I was fat.  My belly also has a lot of excess skin but not as bad as I thought it would be.  My inner thighs have "given out" but I can wear longer shorts and get away with it.  (I prefer longer shorts like bermuda shorts anyway, they're just more comfortable to me.

I love the way my husband looks at me, and how I feel when we embrace.  I have fun seeing people I haven't seen since before surgery, or shortly thereafter, and watching them register the changes in my appearance.  In some cases, I've had to reintroduce myself.  They recognize my voice, and I seem vaguely familiar but...... :)

I continue to be very very grateful for my RNY and the new chance I have to live my life in a strong, lean body. 

I am working right now on exercising regularly, getting in all my water, and tracking my food intake (I use FitDay).  I am very compliant with my vitamins and supplements.  I am learning that I still have trigger foods...one of them being sugar free jelly bellies!  Even though they're sugar-free, they're not calorie-free and I remind myself not to disrespect my new body by spending my limited calories on garbage "food".

So yay me, I've accomplished a lot and will continue to learn and fight the obesity that nearly choked out my life.

(Snagged from the Main Forum)

You know You've had Weight Loss Surgery When...

* I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
* You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Just water for me please".
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the driver's license.
* You start being in the pictures, not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water.
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them!
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra.
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more Velcro shoes.
* When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables.
* your mother says "You don't eat enough."
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire.
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back.
* You safety pin your underwear.
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress.
* Cannot blame the cat/dog for shedding.
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card.
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase.
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die???
* Having to constantly BLAME the dog for your gas!

Ode to pudunkadunk    
I used to have a pudunkadunk.
You know, extra baggage in the trunk.
I thought it was neat to have a large seat,
No matter what others thunk.  

So here I am, it’s almost a year.
Who would have thought I’d have made it here?
I’ve lost lots of weight, and I feel really great,
But I’m really missing my rear.  

Why should I miss my big hiney?
So big, so round and so shiny?
Feelings are strange, who can explain,
Why I preferred big over tiny?  

As a fat one I sure was reliant
Substantial, well-spoken, defiant
Now that I’m thin, this new shape I’m in
Is slender and strangely so pliant.  

With time and with plenty of use
I’ll acknowledge my new super caboose
I’ll get past this weird phase, I’ll thank God all my days
That my pants are now so very loose.  

Oh I could go on but I won’t now
Because this poem is admittedly low-brow
I’ll stop right here, there’s no need to fear…
We can both unfurrow our brow.

Well today is my 48th birthday. Last year on my birthday, I was severely morbidly obese. I had severe obstructive sleep apnea; high blood pressure; was a borderline diabetic; had almost constant headaches. My knees, hips, feet and back hurt when I walked. I would get winded just walking a block. I was doing all my pre-operative tests and consults and ready to submit my information to insurance, requesting approval for coverage of roux-en-y.

Fast forward to today....I have lost an astonishing 183 lbs. My life has changed in so many ways. I am just overweight, and about 20 lbs. away from my goal of 150 lbs. Blood pressure: normal. Pain: gone. I'll be doing my follow up testing for the other co-morbidities but I'm confident they're resolved too. No more pain when walking...I can walk a long time and experience no pain, no windedness.

While I continue to follow my eating plan, I am focusing too on strategies for avoiding slipping back into old habits. I see others struggle with this after the honeymoon period ends. I am committed to living the rest of my life thinner and healthier.

Happy Birthday to Me.
I once was obese
Now I'm almost normal
Happy Birthday to Me.

Happy Birthday to Me
I finally can see
My toes and my cheekbones
Happy Birthday to Me.

Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to Me
Save your dollars for plastics
Happy Birthday to Me

Muwah!