Defying Gravity!
Aug 10, 2006
Okay, so I am OFFICIALLY down 104 lbs according to my doctor's scale. It was the best thing. My friend called because we were going to see Wicked that night and the first thing I burst out is "AHHH I lost 104 lbs." Of course the entire Dr. lobby is packed so hopefully I gave the pre ops some support.
I'M DIETING!!
Jun 28, 2006
It's been forever since I have posted. I have been very busy living life though. I have my 6 month check up (a little over a month late) with my surgeon. I am excited because I have not seen him since the day after my surgery. He always seems to be going on vacation whenever I am in town. So on Wednesday I will find out exactly how much weight I have lost. I believe I have lost 100 pounds and that is amazing. The most incredible thing is seeing pictures of me from christmas. I was looking at old photos and I started to cry. I looked like I was trapped in a sea of fat. It was so horrible. I think I need to see those more often, because sometimes I forget.
Anyhow, the eating has been going... not too well. Protein drinks and vitamins are easy because I do them in the morning, but I stopped working out and walking and when I don't exercise I don't drink enough water and then I eat carbs which don't fill you up at all. I could eat 1/2 turkey burger and I will feel like I will explode but one of those 100 calorie bags of popcorn are like nothing. Sometimes I think my mom is trying to sabatoge me, because if it's not in the house, I can't eat it and even though I ask her not to, she continues to buy junk. It's hard enough to say no at work. There is so much food at a bank. Cake, cookies, candy... and people get on your case if you don't eat. I'm like "I'M DIETING!!!!" Really, I just don't want to puke. Anyhow, I know I need better will power.
In other news... my boyfriend and I are splitting up. Well I am calling it off. I have known for a long time, but I have always just settled. I don't know if it's the weight or not, but I knew I had to leave and make some money so I could support myself and be on my own. And I've finally done it. The saddest part is that we were great friends and I don't want to hurt him. But I have realized that if I want to make this weight loss work and make my opera career work, I have to put myself first and Everyone else second. You can't love other's if you don't love yourself first.... so I will see how this new year will be.
Anyways.... I told myself that starting August 1, I have to get back on the ball. Exercise, eating right, drinking water, practicing my music and getting ready for a hectic school year. So I will try to be back August second to let you know how it's going.
New Beginnings
Jun 08, 2006
Wow, I can't believe it's been over a month since I have posted. Well on a whim I moved to San Diego and back in with my mom. Just for the summer, because walking with my friend on the sunny beach just seemed too good to pass up. And since I'm a student without a permanent job, it was pretty easy. Well I am happy to announce that I am no longer 200 pounds. I guess I should be more excited but I am very bummed that I only lost 10 pounds in the last month. My doctor told me at my 3 month that exercise is KEY and he is right. I was walking but not too much and now that I am here I am doing more but I am not doing enough. I feel like I am reverting back to my old habits. I must admit that I am drinking my protein shake every morning and I got ride of the chewable vitamins (bleck) and so I have been VERY good about taking them. With the chewables I would have to force myself to put the pill in my mouth. I hated it so much. But I have been snacking ... bad snacking. I got a job at a bank and they have cookies and candies and krispy kremes and I haven't touched ANY sweets before I moved back home. I almost died after a bite of a donut and later on a mint wafer. I don't know why I think I am normal because I am not and I cannot eat that stuff. Tootie Rolls don't make me sick, but they make my teeth hurt (cavites - ugh). So I have decided to stop eating all the junk. My mom had a ton of cookies and cheese-its and I had to throw them all away because I would find myself with it in my mouth, just to spit it out or puke it up. It is terrible and I am really disappointed in myself. But I am back and going to be giving myself weekly goals. I moved to SD with the intension of dropping down to 156 (only 42.5 lbs in 12 weeks!!! Hahaha... only!) That's 3.5 lbs a week. I used to be able to lose that much. I just need to get to exercising. Walking (causally too) isn't going to cut it. But all of my friends are obese and so when I walk with them, we walk slow. I have an interview at 24 Hour Fitness as a SalesClerk and I'm hoping to get a free membership out of it. So we will see. I really need positive motivation. I know if I exercise then I will have no problem getting in my 8 glasses of water (which is so DIFFICULT FOR ME ----ARRRGGGHH!!) and won't have time to snack on junk. And I will eat better and of course exerciseing will help me shed the pounds. I have my 6 month coming up and I don't want to disappoint my doctor. Is that weird. Like I am VERY happy with my body. I could not lose any more weight and be OK. I do want to remove the fat tire sitting around my back and gut and I also want to tighten up my arms and thighs but Like I don't need to be a size 2 (a size 8-12 would be perfect!). But I don't want the scale to read differently than my home scale and I will feel bad. Like I remember laughing to myself when my doctor said I should be under 200 by my 6 month appointment. Haha! 26 pounds in 3 months? Cake!! Boy was I wrong. The doctor is so right! Well I am excited about this 24 hour fitness deal. I hope they hire me. Maybe I could work part time because I do like my bank job. But we will see.
Anyways, Here are my goals for next week: Monday, June 12
- Protein shake & milk = 39g protein / 400 mg Ca
- Vitamin & calcium = 450 + 600 mg Ca = 1050 total
- 2 24 oz bottles of water!!!! (before dinner time)
- No junk!!! (bring Kashi go lean as a afternoon snack)
- Exercise 3 X week and swimming (weather permitting)
I just really need to get the water and exercise in and cut the junk at work. Maybe 24 Hour Fitness will be a better place to work. I hope it's not commission based. Those guys are kind of assholes you know? Or at least they were to me the one time I went in. Anyways.... time for bed! See you on the 19th!
So Close...
May 03, 2006
I have stopped weighing myself every week because it has become very dissapointing. I am so close to 199, but I cannot seem to make the pounds disappear. Maybe I am plateauing at the moment. But my hair has been falling out like crazy! Luckily I have "5 pounds of hair" as my grandma would say -- but it's still VERY upsetting to lose huge chunks at a time. I chemically relaxed my hair this weekend and it seemed to help with the hair loss, but MAN did I lose a lot in the process. I don't think there is anything left to lose. Also, I am having TERRIBLE lower back pains. I used to have them when I was 80 lbs heavier but for some reason I have them now. I thought it was my Taebo, so I stopped, but my back is worse than ever. I think I am going to call the doctor.
- Jessie
Out of the Plus Size Dept!!!
Apr 18, 2006
Hurray! Adding exercise really works. I dropped 6 lbs this week. I think last week I was also holding water weight because I am about to start my period. I lost 1.25 inches also. I am doing Taebo every other day, which is nice because I don't feel overwhelmed so I am less likely to give up. I do want to take a yoga class, so I think I am going to look into that also. Food intake for this week was bad. I did not hit any of my minimum goals for protein or water. I really need to work on this, especially now that I am exercising more. So, as usual, goals for this week are at least 4 days of 60g + protein, 64 oz of water!!! I would love all 7 days to be like that, but I have to do 4. I have to get this habit locked into place ASAP before I can start eating everything again. I had a dream about chopping on a mouthful of skittles a while ago. I don't know what it means but it was frightening waking up and wanting candy! WLS Success Story: I fit into a size 16 pair of slacks (stretchy but not around the waist) from New York & Co!!!! I am no longer in the Plus Size dept. and I have vowed that I will not buy anything over a size 18. This is the greatest!!!!!!
Updates
Apr 11, 2006
So this week I lost 0.5 lbs (not what I was hoping for, but at least I am not up). I did lose 3.25 inches so that is great news! I got all of my vitamins and calcium in for the week. Three out of seven days I got all of my protein (60+ grams). Over the weekend I ate poorly. I need to work on my water intake because I am drinking only between 3 and 5 cups a day. I realize that I have a hard time drinking water when I get home. So I need to work on that. Maybe its time to purchase some more True Lemon. Anyhow, goals for this week are: 1) Do Taebo 5 out of 7 days this week. 2) Be consistant with eating, especially over the weekend. 3) Get in at least 6 glasses of water EVERY DAY. I like having a protein shake for breakfast (37 g protein) and then a protein rich lunch (I've been having steak salad which ranges from 38-42 g protein) and then I can concentrate on just drinking water for the rest of the night. WLS Success Story: I went to see my school opera on Sunday and someone commented on me just shrinking away. It felt a little awkward, but the fact that people were noticing was nice. Now I just need a new pair of jeans!
Tits to God
Apr 09, 2006
Day two of Taebo. I also woke up at 6:30 this morning. It was so great to have the extra time this morning. I called my mom and -lucky me- my sister stopped by her house so not only did I get to talk with my mom, but my sister and my nephew as well. Dishes are already done, laundry is put away and I have sweated my ass off with Billy Blanks for 30 minutes! I feel good! But I noticed that I really am out of touch with my body. For so long my body has just been a resting spot for my head and fingers. I was in my voice lesson on Friday and we have been working on my breathing because since I have had surgery, I have had problems with my singing. It still sounds ok, but it is harder for me to get the same rich sound I had before. It turned out that I had been holding TONS of tension in my neck and my shoulders were hunched up and my chest was sunken in. I relaxed my neck and broadened my shoulders and everything became so much easier. I thought I had been standing up straight, but that's hard to do when you want to sink your chest in. My boobs have shrunk considerably so I should stick them out. Like one teacher said "Tits to God!" LOL. But really, it worked wonders on me. It is also helping to relevive my lower back pains, which has come back. Urgh. It's not so bad that I can't put on my underwear normally, but it does suck when I have to sit for a long period of time. I should start getting up and walking around during my class breaks. Just a quick stroll through the conservatory to get the blood flowing. I like getting in touch with my body.
- Jessie
I'm back!
Apr 07, 2006
Well I am back. I kind of got wrapped up in life over the past few months since my last post. I am currently weighing in at 218.5lbs. I am kind of disappointed in my weight loss because I have not been consistant with exercising, eating well, and drinking enough water. I do get in all of my vitamins, B-12, and calcium, but I have been slacking on the water intake and exercise. So today I decided to look at the photos on the site and read some entries. I realized that I needed to get back on track and drop these pounds before it becomes harder for me to do so. My goal for this week is to do Taebo at least once this week, and keep walking to and from school. I am also going to improve on my water and protein intake each day.
Tonight I am going to the school opera. I am excited that I am much thinner -- down 62.5 pounds so far -- and that I get to wear sexy clothes and put on make up and do my hair cute. I also have grown to enjoy taking baths!
- Jessie
Goodbye to a best friend
Feb 07, 2006
It has only been three weeks and I have lost at least 25lbs but I feel like I should be losing more.... I dumped today for the first time -- I think. I was at the grocery store and they only had cold soda so I decided to drink some milk. Chocolate milk had less fat and more protein so I decided to drink it. BIG MISTAKE. It was thick and gross. I came home nauseous with my heart pounding.... I could not even finish doing the dishes. I am supposed to stay on an all soft food diet. Eggs, yogurt, low-fat cheese, cottage cheese, and my favorite, protein shakes. It's very boring. I tried a piece of pizza and I woke up this morning very sad because my taste buds have turned against pizza. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
It's just very hard adjusting because everything I liked to eat, I had to eat big mouthfuls to enjoy. It's not as tasty when you can only take little bites and then have to chew, chew, chew. Soup is good. It's hard. Anyone who thinks this is easy, well it's not. You lose like one of your best friends overnight. My life used to revolve around food. Now I can't eat any of it. :(
- Jessie
Normal again!?!
Jan 03, 2006
I feel like a normal person again! I was feeling so miserable the day after surgery and then with the drain I was feeling really pooh-pooh, but now... I feel normal. My drain is gone and the incision has closed and is starting to heal. No more leaking or fear of pulling it out in the night! I'm no longer a cyborg! My mom keeps asking me if I am hungry. I don't really have an appetite. Sometimes I'll want things (a bit of pickle or a green olive -- because I know I won't get sick now). But I drink because it's time or I have too. I am a little worried because I don't think I have dumped yet and I battle with head hunger. My mom made carnitas (with this DELICIOUS meat from Cost-co) with bell peppers and cheese and beans and tortillas and salsa and I wanted to take a huge bite of it really bad. Then I was like "But where would that bite go?" It would be too big to swallow and it would probably make me dump if I did manage to get it down. I guess now is the time to start reinforcing good habits. My personal goal was 156lbs (which has been my dream goal for like 10 years). My dad thinks 135-140lbs is good. My mom told me that my 5'2 sister weighs 136lbs. So now I am thinking 140-145lbs. But if I go to the gym and get fit, I will probably weigh more. I don't know. I've always wanted to be SKINNY!!! but I don't want to be gross skinny, with saggy ashy skin and limp hair and all gross. I want to be People Magazine skinny with a perfect toned, tanned body and great hair and killer smile. Damn you People! But that takes lots of work and lots of money because all of that is fake. Maybe I could get on one those shows that do makeovers LOL! But right now I am 115-125lbs from goal and I think I can do it!
I don't have a scale here and am thinking of sending mine at home to my friend's house so I won't weigh myself everyday. But I do like the idea of a chart.
- Jessie
