Tuesday, August 11th

Aug 10, 2010

Well, when it rains it pours.  Got a call from my brother this evening - guess my dad had a heart attack.   In the old days, I think I could have drown my worries & fears into something sweet - but then I think that's just an excuse of mine to justify the fact that I ate whatever the hell I wanted to with reckless disregard for my health.... especially since I really have no inclination or desire to have anything to eat.... and I can't believe that I just dropped a habit of SOOOOO many years in the past 3.75 months....

So, I'm bummed.  I really can't afford to miss more work & really really can't afford a third trip home in as many months, but I also can't miss an opportunity to go and see my father - he's not going to be here forever and I can't make the mistake I made with my grandmother all these past few months thinking I could go another weekend - just to find out she died unexpectedly before I managed to get my ass home.

I'm also bummed that my weight has been stationary for as long as it has (12 days) even though I've been eating well and exercising.  I guess there are plenty of things that I could have eaten that may have been less calories for a day or better choices - but I'm not eating BAD - or anywhere close to what or how much I used to eat.... I think the most I have consumed (and I maybe stretching here) is 1200 calories in a day - my body weight needs much more than that to maintain.  My DH tells me it has everything to do with the exercise - I know somewhere in me I must agree with that - but I'm not too sure that I can gain that much muscle to offset the weight loss....

I don't know - I guess I can't worry about that now.... I've got too much work on my desk & too many bills piling up - not to mention a father ill in the hospital (much further away than I'd like).  Who knows, maybe this diversion from reality will occupy my time so I don't notice the scale not moving :)

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