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So today is my four month surgiversary & all in all things are well!  I've lost a little more than 40 pounds and just trucking along in my normal life...

My one problem is something that happened again today - I was asked to a lunch meeting with someone that I do a ton of work for and even though I only ordered something off the appetizer menu, it was way too much for my little tummy & by the time I was done with it, the only thing I thought was "damn, I hope I don't offend them by leaving more than half of my lunch on the plate"  I'm going to have to get over this.

I'm working my way through the couch to 5k program - which I've been off of for a few days due to a family vacation upstate to Lake George.  We had a great time, I ate a few things that were definitely not "on my program" but I didn't over-indulge in them (thanks to the sleeve) and went about my merry way.  I was rather pleased to see that I hadn't gained it all back and more when I got home and on the scale.... wow.

So, now if I could stop & reverse the hairloss.... I know the weight will continue to come off, but that I need to keep working for what I want - things are good :)

Well, when it rains it pours.  Got a call from my brother this evening - guess my dad had a heart attack.   In the old days, I think I could have drown my worries & fears into something sweet - but then I think that's just an excuse of mine to justify the fact that I ate whatever the hell I wanted to with reckless disregard for my health.... especially since I really have no inclination or desire to have anything to eat.... and I can't believe that I just dropped a habit of SOOOOO many years in the past 3.75 months....

So, I'm bummed.  I really can't afford to miss more work & really really can't afford a third trip home in as many months, but I also can't miss an opportunity to go and see my father - he's not going to be here forever and I can't make the mistake I made with my grandmother all these past few months thinking I could go another weekend - just to find out she died unexpectedly before I managed to get my ass home.

I'm also bummed that my weight has been stationary for as long as it has (12 days) even though I've been eating well and exercising.  I guess there are plenty of things that I could have eaten that may have been less calories for a day or better choices - but I'm not eating BAD - or anywhere close to what or how much I used to eat.... I think the most I have consumed (and I maybe stretching here) is 1200 calories in a day - my body weight needs much more than that to maintain.  My DH tells me it has everything to do with the exercise - I know somewhere in me I must agree with that - but I'm not too sure that I can gain that much muscle to offset the weight loss....

I don't know - I guess I can't worry about that now.... I've got too much work on my desk & too many bills piling up - not to mention a father ill in the hospital (much further away than I'd like).  Who knows, maybe this diversion from reality will occupy my time so I don't notice the scale not moving :)

Well it's been a bit since I posted.  It was really weird for me in the past few weeks - I felt like I was shedding pounds left and right for those last few weeks of July, though when I look back into my health tracker, it looks like I only lost about 8 pounds for the entire month....

In any case, since then I think I've hit a stall - so I did what everyone always says and I checked my measurements for lost inches... NOTHING... hmmmm

I know that my calories have inched up a few days when I wasn't really paying attention and my old habit kicked back in, but I guess I'm grateful for this sleeve because it didn't cause me to go off the deep end and just continually eat - it or better yet me - I got back on the wagon the next day and went on.... but I think I ate too much that day too.

Overall, I really am rather happy with my progress - and I went back to see the Dr & she was pleased with my progress.  Granted, I have to keep in mind that she's not really into all of this, it would have been better to have had an appt with Dr McDonald, but he went into private practice and I'm not about to drive up to Saratoga to see what he thinks about my progress.  It will be interesting to see what my blookwork reveals (if anything).
 
And I guess I'm going to keep on my couch to 5k program - it's nice to complete each session and to have that sense of accomplishment!  I'll keep on the program and not stress out too much over the fact that the scale isn't dropping the way that I want it to - I'm really hopeful that I reach my goal of 175 for labor day ... I was thinking that I was going to get there sooner than that, but I guess my body has other intentions for my weight loss! 

I did try on some of the clothes that have been sitting in my closet and I CAN FIT IN THEM!!  Which was amazing to me - there have been jeans sitting on the shelf for YEARS and I can't believe that they pull up, button & zip without too much difficulty - well it wasn't difficult, but I really don't like muffin tops, so I need to lose more weight so I'm comfortable wearing them out into public.  Of course, on the other hand, I wore a pair of jeans into the office a few days ago (which pre-op were too tight) and the girls in the office called me "saggy ass" and told me to go shopping for new clothes - that I wasn't allowed to wear those anymore since they didn't fit.... it was nice, but on the other hand, I really don't want to go shopping and I don't want to wear snug clothes - it feels better to wear clothes that are a little loose & comfortable!  But I hate the fact that the clothes really are a little more loose on me than looks good, but hey I guess I have to chose what I hate the least..... thing definitely could be worse!

I'm really loving this sleeve!!

So I think I have to break down and buy a new scale - I really have been hating mine in the past few weeks (it's one of those dial ones & NEVER seems to want to go back to zero.... sometimes it's a pound - or several - off in each direction and it causes me to get on, get off, get on, get off, etc and I'm at the end of that rope!  So, I've been thinking that I want another one which will not only give me the digital readout, but to the tenth of a pound rather than always rounding to closest half pound!  That way I can see the real movement (and yes, I am a daily weigher) rather than kind of guessing on where it comes out and how far it's off based on where the needle moves back to when it's over.

Also, I happened across someone's post today (which was a you tube video) and was forced to go back to the beginning of her video diary to watch the entire thing.  So now, I'm totally inspired to get on the couch to 5k program and even do a triatholon next year (wouldn't that be a KICKER!?!)  So anyway, I'm glad she's on this track too, because I'm definitely going to utilize her help to get this program MOVING!!!

Well, I just thought I would check in and put the few thoughts in my head out there.... I also should say that I finally (only took me a few months) managed to post some pictures here in my profile - which hopefully will give me some accountability!  I really need to take advantage of this tool ... I've even been thinking that I might try the five day pouch test just to see if it will "hit" my reset button for my restriction & whether or not I can even do it.... why do I think this is so daunting? IDK?!?

I was going to try it today since I knew that I could be home for the next few days so I didn't have to worry about being out and only consuming liquids for two days, but was hungry this morning and FORGOT.... what's up with that?

So it's been a few days and I thought I would spend a few minutes before I go to bed...

Basically, in a nutshell, things have been very busy (work wise) for me these past few weeks & I'm exhausted.  It's really rather strange and I'm wondering how my blood work is going to look when I get it done - it was supposed to be done for my 3 month mark, but I couldn't schedule and appointment at the Dr's for almost 3 weeks after that point... so whatever.

I'm really exhausted these days.  In the first few weeks after surgery (and even up to a month ago) I would go to bed every night and wake in the morning feeling refreshed and well rested - now - I am sleeping later than ever and feel like I have grains of sand in my eyes when I try to open them.... the exercise routing is suffering because of it - but I can barely drag my ass out of bed, so I'm only doing it every few days.

Now, I read on here all the time that people only exercise 3 times per week, but I learned EARLY out in this process that my body was one of the ones that was going to take this slowly and (almost, but not quite) fight it every step of the way.  My DH always tells me that I would be the last survivor in a catastrophy because my body wants desperately to hold onto the weight.

I know he's partially right, and then on the other side I also know that I don't watch my calorie intake as closely as I should, and I don't even pay attention to carbs.  Another thing on these boards are the amount of carbs that people are consuming in a day, typically (and I've done the research myself) it should be less than 50g per day.... I don't even bother to count them - I have adopted the philosophy (and partly it's because of my NUT) that everything in the world has carbs.... I just need to stay away from those things that are plain carbs - you know, the breads, pastas, etc.

I am still losing weight (and it might not be as fast as others here) but I can definitely tell that there is progress being made - the capri's I wore today I tried on a few weeks ago and put them back into the draw with the thought "I'm going to have to wait another few weeks to try these again" and guess what? This morning I put them on buttoned & zipped them up without any resistance & it was marvelous :)

My DH always tells me to make the right decisions every day & things will be the way that they are supposed to.  I think there are a few areas that I've done quite well with: I haven't had soda in MONTHS, nor have I had sweets & I can easily say no the carbs that used to haunt me.... all in all, I think I'm on a good path, but there is still definitely work that needs to be done.

First and foremost, I need to try harder on my fluid consumption.  Some days I just have no clue to how much I've consumed and I would think it's mere ounces if really pressed for an answer.  I also have to work on better planning for my meals & snacks - when I don't have a game plan things rather fall to the wayside and I can't make the best of choices - though I always try.... it's not like I'm getting chinese anymore :)  I also have to try to resolve this exhaustion thing (and the sooner the better) because I really liked the feeling that I had when I awoke in the morning - I felt better than I had in YEARS....

Well, I really should be going to bed - I'd like to get up to exercise in the morning - luckily, I have the ability to not go into my office until I want to - so I could sleep later and then get over to where I need to be..... but I probably should work at the office first.....hmmmmm

Tootles

So things have really not been going well for me this past month!  I mean, I've still lost a few pounds - not too sure how many though & you'd think it would be something that I would know off the top of my head - but no.....  So my problem is learning how to cope with those things that would have otherwise drove me right back into my old habits.

And I'm not saying that I don't feel like I've already started to slip back into my old habits - because I know that I have (kinda)... last Thursday night I got home and ate cheese & crackers for a snack when I wasn't really hungry but wanted something when I knew that I should probably just drink something instead.... it didn't help that my 15 y/o cat was very sick and I knew in my heart that I was going to have to put him down.

But geez, I kinda feel like I'm out of control & that I'm done losing weight - though I know that's crazy because I haven't even hit the three month mark, but I don't know..... it's really kinda weird.  I guess I'm just less gung-ho about it than I used to be and I really kinda feel like if I had lost more more quickly that I would have retained the urge to continue on this path - not that I've decided not to do it at all, but it's just different now.

I don't know, maybe I'm in another funk because I've lost two very dear people to me in the last month, but this morning I didn't even feel like getting up to exercise even though I knew I really had to and I didn't have too much time before my husband left for work - but did I do it? NO.  At this point, I'm hoping that when he gets home in a little over an hour that I'm going to get dressed and go out for the run that I know I need....

What the heck is wrong with me? 

I was at a birthday party yesterday for my daughter's friend & I was good from the standpoint that I consumed only water while I was out & never really even thought or felt like I was being deprived for not getting the good stuff that was at the party, came home, made dinner - ate the protein and veggies.... then had another late snack that consisted of a glass of mile and a protein bar.... all in all I was around 900 calories for the day and way high on my protein intake, but still, I felt like I shouldn't be getting back into the habit of not feeling full with my meals and then eating between meals.

And the restriction?  I almost feel like I don't have it anymore - maybe that's from the fact that I now know how much I can put on my plate, and then stop if I happen to have more than I can eat, but I'm never full anymore.  Then again, I'm rarely hungry either..... it's just kinda weird because I barely eat & I know it.

And what's up with the hair loss?  I feel like three months of this and there won't be a hair left on my scalp.  I take my vitamins everyday and always get in my protein - so I'm told that I'm just going to have to wait it out..... just like everything else I suppose.

I am sooooooo inpatient!

Greetings from Maine!!

I came home with my family last Friday (and really needed to get away too) and haven't really been thinking about my food, the scale, or the stubborn stall that has plagued me for a little over a week now.... And I have to say that it's a great thing to have my mind somewhere else rather than on the constant battle I'm having with myself over my food, water, protein, exercise & what the heck the scale says on a daily basis.

Now I know that most people will say that we should only weigh ourselves once a week, but I really am the type that needs to see the scale each and every day to remember why I'm doing this and to see the progress that I've made.... I need the constant reminder that not too long ago the scale was 30lbs higher than it is today!

So anyway, my vacation has been great!  I've sat in the sand and played in the lake with my kids.  I walked up onto Munjoy Hill for the fireworks and had no issue with the walk (not that it was too far of a walk, but still)... we walked around OOB today and had a good time with my kids.  It's been really hot here in the Northeast for the past few days (and thank god that we're not back in NY from what everyone else is saying) which is rather unusual for the area, but it's still next to nothing compared to the normal NY summer, so I really can't complain too much..... anyway, I am a little concerned that I didn't manage to get in enough fluid today with all of the exercise (not that it was strenuous) and the heat, but I'm still drinking this evening, so here's to hoping that I'll be fine :)

I also have been really good about the food & snacks - it's really weird to walk up to an ice cream place, put in an order for my husband and two kids & really not even be bothered by the fact that I can't have an ice cream.... And I think it's more about the fact that I don't want an ice cream over the fact that I can't (or maybe even shouldn't would be a better word because we all know that I could if I wanted to) have the ice cream - and that's just fine - I don't need anything else, I'm not hungry and I really don't have the temptation.... But with all of that said, I have had a few too many carbs this past few days and am kinda wondering about what the scale at home is going to say when I get there tomorrow night.

I was here a few weeks ago for my grandmother's funeral (and I have to say that I really felt an empty spot when I was planning on coming home because I've wanted to visit with her for so many weeks & really just missed her - but then she died unexpectedly and I never got the chance to spend the time with her because my life has been so busy with this surgery, work, & the kids).... anyway, when I was here I was curious as to my weight loss and asked my mother (which is typically where I stay when I come home) if she had one in her house.... Now, she flew the coop a few years ago and went without anyone's knowledge down to Mexico to have a lap-band procedure.... unfortunately, she's one of the people who WLS didn't work for (or maybe I should phrase it as she didn't work the WLS) but in any case, she told me at the time that there wasn't one in this house anymore and she was glad of that - guess she's avoiding what the scale truly says....

And then yesterday my sister tells me there is one under the sink in the bathroom off the kitchen - and looky there - what did I find?  A scale.  Now, when I first got on it said I weighed 190.5, which is where I've been hovering with this recent stall, so when I came out of the bathroom & my sister asked me if I thought the scale was right, I told her that I thought it was about where I expected to be..... and then I got on the scale this morning and I was down to 188.5.

So, bottom line, I'm interested in seeing how far off my scale at home is from this one!  Did these past few days when I wasn't looking break me of my stall? I'm eager to find out :)  I guess, if it is true, than this vacation was exactly what I needed for more than one reason. I needed some time away from work, the chores of the house, the kids home on summer vacation, and this dreaded stall......  I guess I just needed my "reset" button to be pushed and the shores of Maine did just that :) 

Now, to find out what the scale in NY says

Okay - so today is Monday and I'm still in the funk that I started over this past weekend.  I can't seem to shake this, but I'm trying not to let that coupled with the fact that I haven't lost any weight in the past week get to me... as far as I'm concerned the only thing that I need to do over the next few weeks/months is pay attention to the program.

You know, I'm grateful for certain things - like the fact that I don't get hungry anymore... but I'm struggling with replacing my bad habits ... I really don't want to do things like snack endlessly but geez, what do I fill my time with?  I'm okay during the day because I can concentrate on work - not that I really want to these days - but after dinner, when the kids are running around and my husband starts to head to the cupboard to snack I have to say to myself "this isn't what I want"... and I know that while it may be my new mantra, it is also true.

I guess I just wish this funk would pass and that I would come to the next thing in my life to keep me interested & occupied.  I think I need a good book to read.

Okay - so this weekend has not been the best!  It's actually, not been the worst, but FAR FAR from even what I could call good. It all started with good intentions - but my mother always told me that the road to hell was paved with good intentions & sometimes it REALLY aggravates me that time after time she's correct.

Yesterday morning I got on my bike for a 7mile ride - one that I've done in the past (mind you it was a year ago but I was at least 20 pounds heavier) and had no trouble with - and I was thrilled with the notion of getting a really good workout in... I thought it would be a great step-up from my regular weekday routine & much longer because it was on a Saturday morning when I don't have too many other things to do..... and you can probably guess what happened.  IT SUCKED!  I had to stop on THREE separate hills and walk - well really, it was two hills, and then the last portion (which was probably 1/2 mile) and had to walk home.  I felt like SUCH AN ASS.

Of course, for the remainder of the day I had little to no energy to take care of the house cleaning that I typically do or to watch my two children while my husband was at work.... Top all of it off with the fact that there was like nothing to eat in my house, and I just kinda sank.

Today I woke up (with a little more energy) in the same melancholy mood that I started yesterday.... By the time that my husband got up for breakfast, I had eaten one of the banana muffins that I made for my family for breakfast and was sinking further down into my funk.  All I can say is that it's a good thing that my husband is as good as he is - he listened to me blab on and on about how this is my funk....

And this, is my funk.... I currently sit at (or around) the point that I have been with dieting many many times in the past 10 years.  Typically, I have no issue getting here - it takes me several weeks (like it did with this surgery) and I fit very comfortably in the majority of the clothes that are in my closet (no not the smaller ones, but still) and this is the point where I give up.... well, not really give up, but start to resume my old habits which allow me to comfort myself and do the things that are just that - comfortable to me.... which causes me to gain weight AGAIN.  It's my point & I'm really kinda having trouble with it.... I guess the biggest problem that I faced today was the fact that I (again) had buyer's remorse and wanted to know what the hell did I do to myself?

So hello there.  Today has been an odd one for me!  It was really rather stressful at work today, but thankfully I got to leave hours early because of kiddo type things!

I did well on food so far: breakfast was 1/2c egg beaters (60 cals & 12g protein) which I couldn't quite finish.  I had tuna fish with a little miracle whip added in for lunch (200 cals & 26g protein) and I was kinda surprised that I really had no restriction while eating the can of tuna.... but that's ok!  I had a snack of a protein bar (210 cals & 13g protein) after I got home followed shortly after by cheese (80 cals & 8g protein).  Total so far for the day: 550 cals & 59g protein.

I'm feeling like I need something now, but I realize that my thirst is disguising itself as hunger.... or at least that is the way that my brain is interpreting it - which is something that I have to be careful with in my new life!  I still have some issues getting in enough fluid in a day and that's really something that I need to continue to work on!

I got up and exercised this morning (because I haven't in over a week - going home for my grandma's funeral and all last week) even though I really didn't want to get up & dreaded getting on the treadmill - and I opted for a bike ride instead!  I've got to get back into the swing of exercise to help take off these pounds!  Not that I'm disappointed with the weight loss to date... I got on the scale naked and was down a total of 29 lbs at the two month mark!  So that means 16 for the first month and 13 for the second!!  I'm really ok with that ... and am looking forward to it continuing!