medwards62
My story is not so unusual when compared to others'. My twin brother and I were born two and a half months premature; weighing under seven pounds together. I was not a heavy child. In fact, I was in the "normal" weight range for children my age. However, at age 12 my mom took my brother and I to our first Weight Watchers' meeting. Thus began my tumultuous and negative reationship with food and body image. I began sneaking food to avoid my mother's comments about how much I was eating. I woud aternate this behavior with starving myself in an attempt to combat my overeating. Throughout high school I maintained 150 - 160 pounds on my 5'6 frame. I always felt huge because I was the tallest female in my family, and all of my friends were very petite.
I began to gain weight after I got married and became pregnant with my son. Sneaking food became a huge part of my life. If no one saw me eat the food, then it didn't count. I was in an unhappy marriage and eating was my solace. I gave birth at 238 pounds. Athough I lost back down to around 200 pounds, I didn't recognize myself anymore...
After four years in a bad marriage, where each of us was trying to get the other person to be what we coud never be, I left. I had let myself gain up to around 230 pounds. I was 22 with a baby, and I was miserable. Over the next several years, I continued to lose and gain approximately 60 - 80 pounds every couple of years. I lost myself in school and in work. I tried every diet imaginabe. I continued getting my fix at my favorite fast food restaurant, alternating with not eating anything for a couple of days. No matter how much I lost, I never saw myself any differently than that 230 pound person.
I eventually remarried a wonderful and very accepting man. However, the food issues have remained. Five years ago, I lost 60 pounds on what I considered to be my last-ditch effort as a Weight Watcher. I felt great; I was eating and cooking right, I was exercising and starting to feel like I had finally conquered my food issues. However, as I poured mysef into work, I slowly stopped working out and began frequenting my old friend "the drive through."
The turning point had to be when I weighed in at the doctor's office for my annual check up at 258 pounds; my all time high! I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me as I waited for the doctor to come and talk to me. My head was racing; How had I let this happen? I couldn't believe I was inching myself up to 300 pounds. I had no health issues. I had low blood pressure, I slept fine, although I had wicked heart burn. My family's medical history was riddled with high blood pressure, diabetes, and many other weight related illnesses. When the doctor came in I asked him what he thought about weight loss surgery. I began to investigate the pros and cons of lapband and RNY. After researching for several months, I submitted all of my paperwork to AZ BCBS and was approved on the first try.
RNY is teaching me about who I am, and has forced me to look hard at my issues with food. I am optomistic and hopeful that this is the tool that will finally help me conquer my demons with food.
