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I've been worried about my weight stalling or being slow over the last few months.  Another RNYer suggested that I eat a high calorie meal to spur my metabolism.  So...Friday night I went to In and Out and had a protein style cheese burger along with about 10 french fries.  It was difficult to eat the entire burger, but I did it.  It tasted great! The burger came wrapped in lettuce and tasted like I rememberd a hamburger tasting like.   A couple of hours later I had some cantaloupe as a snack.  I then proceeded to have the worst night I've had since I had surgery.  I tossed and turned, was crampy, and groaned and moaned all night.  I had loose stool the next day and felt very gassy, but felt okay by late afternoon.  That evening I had some salad and chicken breast.  The next day, I had diahrrea which lasted well into Tuesday evening.  This post is not to gross anyone out, but to show the weight loss throughout this process.  On Friday I was stuck at 155.  By Saturday morning I weighed in at 154, Sunday was 152, Monday was 151, Tuesday was 150, and Wednesday was 149.  Holy cow six pounds! 

I have not altered my eating and even had a rogorous workout on Monday.  I have kept eating throughout my stomach/ bowel issues and drinking as much water as possible.  I initially thought this might be water weight, but it has stayed off.  I haven't posted on the main board that I reached my goal because I'm afraid I'll gain six pounds over night!  By the way, this experience has given a whole meaning to the phrase In and Out! 

When will I stop trying to figure out the magic "code" to weight loss?  You would think that after unsuccessfully trying to break the "code" since I was 12 years old would be enough for me to stop trying.  Drinking vinegar, starvation, grapefruits, lemons, apples, veges, no veges, binging/purging, excessive exercise, pills, shots, liquids, etc.  None of these were the magic bullet for any real sustaining weight loss! 

Surgery...ahh...there's the answer to all of my problems!  I'll just have someone reroute my entire intestinal track and cut out my stomach and I'll be fixed!  Sounds so simple...Okay, this post is not meant to be a total downer, but a reminder that even after numerous failed sure-fire-fixes for being overweight, I am not fixed in my head! 

RNY does not fix the head...I'm still trying to crack the code of weight loss!  Dumb, I know.  The first six months after surgery, I was convinced that I had made a grave mistake.  I had no energy, hated most food, and generally felt miserable even though I had lost eighty pounds!  At the urging of my doctor I increased my calories (drinking them through protein concoctions if need be) and finally felt strong enough to begin working out on a regular basis.  January 6, returning to school after Christmas break, I started working out after school with a group of teachers.  We began slowly, but determinedly to get physically healthy.  After a few weeks we started talking about participating in the school sponsored 5k.  We earnestly began trying to...run!  I hated it.  Even though I had always dreamed of running, I still hated the physical discomfort that came with constricting air to my delicate lungs, shin splints, and the worst monster of all self-doubt!  I conquered that self-doubt and actually ran the school's 5k with the plan to run many more!  Happy ending, right?   Well, almost...like most happy endings, it's what happens after that really dictates whether it qualifies as a happily-ever-after. 

Since January, my weight loss has been slower than the proverbial snail.  On January 6, I weighed 169 pounds.  I was thrilled to be in the 160's, but couldn't wait to hit my goal of 150!  January 8...171 pounds!  What?  It was nine days later before I hit 169 again.  Okay, while I wasn't complaining about my weight loss in general, I was sure that this pattern was not part of the "Code breaking to weight loss" that others experienced.  January 25...165.  February 2...163.  February 5...162 then immediately back up to 164!  March 2...160.  March 14...158.  

What the hell was I doing wrong?  I had increased my calories to between 1000 and 1200...I was running 9 to 12 miles a week at the minimum, with step-classes, pilates, and strength building exercises in between.  My diet was comprised of acceptable foods, premium protein, good carbs, no sugar, minimal crackers/baked chips, etc.  Why wasn't I losing weight like crazy???  Here's what did happen.  I went from a size 12/14 in January to a size 8/10 in March.  People can't stop commenting on how "skinny" I look.  The work skinny is ridiculous to me.  Spring parent/teacher conferences happened two days ago and I had parents tell me that unless their child had been with them to confirm they were in the correct classroom, they would have not recognized me.  I have muscles again.  I can feel my hip bones and butt bones for the first time in my life! I can't stop looking at the definition in my arms.  I purchased single digit clothing for the first time in my adult life.  I can run; a life-long dream.  I am getting stronger physically than I've been since I was in my early twenties.  I still hate squats and lunges, but understand the need for them.  I can work out alone and do so because I love the feeling of exhaustion and flood of power when I'm finished. 

So, happily ever after?  I pray for it and have faith in it every day.  I also realize that it won't happen until I stop trying to break the "Code" to weight loss and realize that sculpting myself into the healthy and whole person I want to become is not just about a number on a scale.  It is the journey and the end results that ensure the happily ever after.  It is the lifetime of honing that person, "never giving up what we want most by giving into the moment."  Today, I woke up and weighed 156.  This number pleases me, but I realize that my body has it's own code and that is my new pursuit; the code of healthiness and happiness for Melani, NOT just the code of weight loss.  Everyone is different.  I will continue pursuing the code of wellness for myself.  I have no magic fairydust or advice to give anyone else.  Success is about finding/breaking the code for ourselves and that is different for us all.

I am eight months out from surgery and feeling better and better every day.  I went to the surgeon's office yesterday and everything looks good.  My blood pressure was 100/58 and my resting pulse was 65.  I've lost 90 pounds since the day of surgery plus the 10 pounds from my two-week pre-op diet for a total of 100 pounds!!!  I tried on several size 8's today and they fit!  UNBELIEVABLE!!!  I bought a darling dress, a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts!

I filled out a questionaire today for the Bridge's Center at St. Lukes and thought I would post it here.

NAME:    Melani Edwards AREA YOU ARE FROM: Originally: Idaho   Now:Casa Grande, AZ. WLS DATE: July 7, 2009       TYPE OF SURGERY: Lap. RNY TOTAL WEIGHT LOST FROM HIGHEST POINT: 100 1bs Total inches lost? (if you know) 72 1/2   POSITIVE CHANGES THAT HAVE COME FROM YOUR WEIGHT LOSS, INCLUDING HEALTH IF APPLICABLE: There are obvious positives that come with losing 100 pounds: my knees, ankles and back don't hurt, I no longer suffer from gerd, I don't have chonic headaches, and I am no longer depressed.  However, the most important thing that I've gained from surgery is that for the first time in my life I am aware of myself and my body.  I am no longer existing in disassociation, or living detached from my body. I am aware of what I eat and how it makes me feel. I am growing stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am living as a whole person for the first time in my life. FAVORITE WEIGHT LOSS MOMENT: (STORY, OR SOMETHING YOU ACCOMPLISHED, OR SOMETHING SOMEONE SAID TO YOU, ETC.) I have been carrying a little red dress with me for the last fifteen years.  I bought the dress as a motivation to continue losing weight. That little red dream has represented to me the pinacle of sexiness and beauty for years.   It has traveled several thousand miles with me and gone through many of my life's milestones, all the while whispering "someday" from the back of my closet.  A few weeks ago I was struggling with a very stubborn weight loss plateau; my body was losing inches, but that loss was not being reflected on the scale.  Two weerks prior I had run my first 5k and was feeling very proud and strong but as many of us are, I became terrified that the scale was not moving .  On one of my weekly runs, during the last mile home, I heard my litte red dress whisper from the back of my mind that "someday might be today."   After taking a shower, I went to the back of the closet where my little red beacon beckoned brightly to me.  I slipped the sleeveless red sheathe from it's hanger and nervously slid the zipper down for the first time.  As I stepped into the dress and slid the material up my thighs and over my hips, I paused as there had been no obstacle where I thought there may have been; namely my hips!  I went into the room where my husband was and asked him to help me with the zipper and I filled him in on the history of the dress.  We rejoiced as the dress not only zipped easily, but was actually loose.  As I hung the red dream back on it's hanger, I took a closer look at the outdated version of what I had once considered beautiful.  I placed the dress on the give-away-pile and realized that it was time to let go of my old dreams and form some new.     NEW GOALS, DREAMS OR PLANS BECAUSE OF YOUR WEIGHT LOSS: (kind of a Bucket List?) RUNNING: I've aways dreamed of running and one of my first goals was to run a 5k.  I did that and am now preparing for my next race.  I don't know that I want to run a marathon, but love the idea that I can run for a workout and not have to join a gym. SINGLE DIGIT SIZE COTHING: I bought my first pair of size 8 shorts and a size 8 dress.  I don't think I've ever worn a size 8.  I believe I went from a size 12 in girls to a size 13/14 in juniors.  I've never purchased anything smaller than a size 12 before.  PHYSICALLY ACTIVE: I want to climb mountains, ride bikes, snow ski, water ski, hike, ride horses, look good on my motorcycle.   How do you personally maintain your weight loss? (exercise, weigh & measure, count calories, journal foods, attend support groups, etc) I work out at least 5 or 6 times a week.  I run, do pilates and step classes. I write down everything I eat in a food journal (tracking calories and protein). I weigh daily and measure once a month.  I also take a monthly picture to chronicle changes that I may not see every day. I eat protein first and supplement with healthy veges and other carbs. I don't eat sugar or any foods that are high in sugar alcohols. I check in on weight loss help sites, like Obesity Help weekly. I take my vitamins and get my blood work done every three months. I get plenty of sleep. I put my health needs (exercise, diet, time) before others' needs when possible. DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITIVE QUOTES OR AFFIRMATIONS THAT YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE that helps you stay focused and on track? 1 . I received this at a Weight Watchers meeting several years ago and have carried it on the dash of my car ever since. "The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is giving up what we want most for what we want at the moment." 2 . I am worthy of being the best I can be and of living my dreams. 3 . Nothing feels better than feeling alive.  

I finished my first 5k today and am feeling pretty proud of myself!  I never thought I'd be running!  I just wanted to run the entire race and not finish last.   I ran the entire 3.1 miles, and although it wasn't effortless, I achieved it!  me!

I know my last post was a bit depressed in tone ...So, I'd like to encourage all of you who are at a stall, or who are struggling with exercising after surgery...today I weighed in at 163!   I also want to write this to remind myself when I get discouraged again, and I will, that exercise is not my enemy.  I upped my calories from 600 - 800 to 900 - 1000, and I also increased my protein from around 60 to 80-90.  I have also been drinking more water every day and guess what?   I am almost seven months out and still have a problem eating all those calories, but I've added more liquid protein.  

Like everyone else, I want to be successful at keeping my weight off.  I am terrified that I will be one of those people who has surgery, loses weight and then gains most, if not all of the weight back.  I am scheduled to run/walk a 5K on February 27th, but  more importantly, I  want exercise to be part of my everyday life.  Last night  I was complaining to my husband that I felt so weak because I couldn't run for two minutes straight...he said, "Honey, you're a little late to be starting this exercise thing; just give yourself time."  He didn't say this to discourage me, but to remind me that I have only just begun. 

So, remember to drink, drink, drink your water, EXERCISE, and eat your protein!

Throughout the years, like many other people with weight problems I would exercise, cut my calories, and not lose very much weight.  I would get frustrated and stop exercising and eating right, and would gain weight.  I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now how a person can exercise and cut their calories, but not lose weight. 

In early January I began exercising and trying to up my calories and protein.  I increased my calories from 500/600 to around 800 - 900 and my protein from 50/60 to 70 - 90.  I did this mostly by adding a protein drink at the end of the day.  Admittedly, I don't exercise everyday, but do try to exercise 3-5 times a week.  I have set a goal and am currently training  to run/walk my first 5k at the end of February.  I have been stuck at 165 for a couple of weeks and am starting to get frustrated.  I know that I should be happy with my weight loss and am for the most part.  I really want to hit my initial goal of 150 and to set another goal of 140.  I'm, only six months out of surgery, but I don't want to be finished losing yet.  I am down froma size 22 pant to a size 10 and down from a 2x top to a medium or small in sweaters. 

Aside from not wanting to be finished losing weight, I don't want to sink back into the mire of the old habit of cutting my calories to lose weight and freaking out my metabolism any more than it already is.  I wan't to break that old cycle.  I really want exercise to be as habitual as breathing for me.  I want a healthy and strong body.  I am 47 and don't want to prematurely age myself  because I haven't taken this opportunity to get in shape after losing almost a hundred pounds.  And yes, I do not want to be finished losing weight.  This time I am not going to stop exercising, although that is so hard because I tend to lose weight when I'm not working out! 

Before I had my surgery, I sat down and wrote down several goals I wanted to achieve after my surgery.  A few of them were pretty standard; weighing under 200 pounds, being able to run, wrapping a towel around myself, etc.  I also wanted to be able to shop at the GAP.  I have a very small friend who comes to the outlet mall in my area just to shop at the GAPoutlet store.  I always bought shoes, or t-shirts, but never pants.  This store intimidated me for years!

I weighed in at 165 today and decided that I needed to go try on clothes to see what size I actually am.   On a whim, I drove out to the outlet mall and went into the GAP.  I grabbed some size 14's because for me the GAP pants have always ran one size smaller than my regular size.  I also grabbed some large and medium tops to try as well.  Surprise of all surprises!  I pulled the 14's on and not only did they pull up, but they were too big!  OMG!  I couldn't believe that I had a pair of GAP pants on and they were too big!  The medium sleeveless shirts fit me perfectly.  In fact, when I looked at myself, I actually thought I looked good.  Unfortunately, there were no size 12's in the style of pants I was trying on, so I left with three new size medium tops and a huge smile on my face! 

I haven't blogged, but have been a lurker on OH for months.  I promised myself that one of the things I would do this new year would be to update my OH blog.  I have gained so much from others who have posted on OH and it seems only fair that I give back to this site by blogging about my wls experience in the last six months.  Hopefully people researching weight loss surgery will take the information I post here and use it along with the more experienced posters to help them make a more informed decision.

Although I didn't blog on OH, I did keep a written journal at home and will be posting from that. 

DAY OF SURGERY: 7/7/09 and the first few weeks after...
I was so nervous.  I arrived at the hospital and checked in at 5:30 A.M.  I am 5'6.  My highest weight was 258 pounds.   I weighed in at 248 (I had lost 10 pounds on my two week pre-op diet).   Surgery went well and I was discharged the morning of 7/9/09.  The only pain I had was actually from gas.  I had a very difficult time drinking my water and eating my one to two ounces of food.  I had NO hunger and food really repulsed me.  I had major buyer's remorse for the first few weeks; wondering what I had done to myself. 

I am a teacher and had to go back to school on 7/17 to get my room unpacked and ready for school.  I was very sore and moved very slowly, but was happy to actually be doing something productive.  About two weeks out I couldn't wait to have pureed food!  I was so tired of liquids!  I went to my two week post-op doctor's appointment.  My incisions looked great and the doctor said I was a great healer!  I was also cleared to pureed foods.

I became constipated the first couple of weeks...HORRIBLE!  I was having a difficult time eating very much and I was starting to gag on protein drinks.  I used a chocolate protein drink from Costco.  It was fine pre-op, but post-op they became intolerable.  I increased my water consumption and after a couple of days, my constipation subsided - thank God!  I have NO desire to eat.  Food holds no appeal for me.  I don't care if people are eating; I don't want any food.

I stalled three weeks out.  I only lost a pound in one week.  Of course I was worried that I was the only person that this surgery wouldn't work for!  I'm having a very difficult time eating.  My average daily calorie intake is 300 calories or less.  I'm frustrated and scared.  I spoke with a person who had her surgery about eight months before I did.  She assured me that as long as I was drinking water and taking my vitamins that I would be fine.  More people have problems when they become dehydrated. 

I found out that I dump on too many sugar alcohols, so I'm pretty sure sugar would kill me!  I have no desire to eat anything sweet which is good for me! 

Flash forward: 2 to 6 months
Food :  I still struggle with food.  I am pretty sick of cheese and chicken!  I eat cottage cheese sometimes, but the consistency gets to me.  I cannot eat bread!  I tried to eat eggs and a dry piece of toast several times, but I just can't get it down.  It gets stuck every time.  I have tried the eggs several different ways, but to no avail.  My pouch will not tolerate bread or eggs.  I have learned that I really need to eat slowly and chew my food well.  I don't do well at getting in enough calories and protein every day.  

About three months out, I discovered Starbucks skinny caramel latte with two scoops of protein which has 28 gr. of protein, and 170 calories!  This certainly helps with my daily protein requirements.  I can eat some fruits and vegetables, but can't tolerate too much salad yet.  I really crave a great salad.   I can eat nuts and have had a few tortilla chips with black beans or a little bit of salsa. My favorite food prior to surgery was popcorn, and I can still eat it!  I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse.  

 I finally tried Ortho sandwich thins and can tolerate about a half of one at a time.  I also like low carb tortillas.  I never feel hunger or fullness.  I hiccup when I am full, and it's a really loud hiccup,which can be embarrassing at times.  I'm thankful for the signal.  I still eat on a small plate and keep eat about 1/2 to a 3/4 cup of food at a meal. 

Clothes:
Pre-op I started at a size 22 and today am a size 12 pant and a size medium or large top.  It seemed like every two weeks my clothes were too big.  Fortunately, I had clothing in my closet from size 22 to 16 which got me through the first several months.  I have gone from a size 40 D to a size 34 C bra.  I haven't worn a 34 C since high school.  My rings and jewelry have all gotten too big as well. 

Vitamins:
Pre-op I ordered vitamins from Bariatric Advantage.  Calcium, multi vit., B12, and iron.  My surgeon told me not to take anything, but the multi vit. and calcium before I had my  first set of labs.  I just had my first set of blood work and everything came back normal, except the vitamin A was low and my B12 wa very high. 

I have struggled with lethargy since surgery.  I tire very easily and have almost passed out while working out several times.  My blood pressure has always been low and that hasn't changed.  I become very dizzy when I get up and often have to stable myself for several seconds before moving without risk of falling down.  I have mentioned this to my surgeon several times and he feels that I need to drink more water and to increase my calories.

I did not have any hair loss until the last couple of weeks.  When I am washing my hair, I bring back several strands between my fingers.  It is disarming, but I have very thick hair and as long as it doesn't start coming out in clumps, I'll be fine.  I know some people take extra biotin, but I've read mixed comments on whether or not it actually stalls the hair loss. 

Weight loss and stalls:
I measured myself the day before surgery and every month afterwards.  There were times that I wouldn't see movement on the scale and the only indicator of success would be the fit of my clothes or loss of inches.  I have stalled a few times; usually everytime I exercise regularly.  WTH???  That's something I can't wrap my head around.  This time, however, I am going to push my way through and not stop exercising because the scale stopped moving.

Inches lost so far:

Month One: 15 1/2
Month Two:  14 3/4
Month Three:   7 3/4
Month Four:   12
Month Five:      8
Month Six :       7 3/4
Six MonthTotal :    65 1/2 inches lost

I am down to 169 pounds.  Some days I almost feel normal.  I am learning to eat for nutrition instead of pleasure and that's the weirdest concept for me to wrap my head around so far.  Some days I am happy about having RNY, and some days I'm not.  I keep wondering what the hell I've done to my body and what was wrong with me that I couldn't be successful at keeping my weight off without having major surgery.  I know how to lose weight; keeping it off has always been my challenge.  I pray every day that my RNY is the key that I need in order to be successful in my pursuit of health and positive self-image.