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Jan 12 2007 - SEE EDIT AT END OF POST

Happy new year! I can't believe I haven't updated this since Christmas. Things have been busy. I weighed 175 yesterday morning. A loss of 129 pounds in 9 months - not too shabby. My loss has slowed, which is fine. Truthfully, I wasn't eating the best over Christmas - too many sweets sitting around so that couldn't have helped. I think I only lost like 8 pounds for month 9. Not bad, but I was stuck at one weight for 3 of those 4 weeks. I go in to see Dr. Anthone this month for my 9 month checkup - hopefully labs are good. I am down from a size 4x or 28/30 to a L or XL in tops and a 14 or 16 in pants. If I stopped losing today I would be estatic! Dr. Anthone had a goal weight for me of between 168 and 186. I am about 7 pounds from the low end of that scale. I personally wouldn't mind if I get down a little lower (150's) but it just depends on how I feel and whether or not I am healthy at that weight. I just have this feeling my body will stop losing when it is ready to. Maybe that is wishful thinking, but we'll see. I still can't eat a lot - although I tolerate just about anything. Last night for dinner I had a pork chop and a few bites of potatoes and a couple bites of green beans. I was STUFFED! I think I ate one or two bites too many as I just had that overful sick feeling. I moved around and it quickly went away. Dr. A makes his stomachs a little smaller than other DS surgeons, which I am happy for. I could eat SO MUCH pre op that I never want to go back there again! Anyway, just busy being Mom-Taxi and my job has gotten a little hectic lately. I keep hoping to win that lottery, I would be the best and most generous millionaire ever! ha ha Until next time...
***EDITED TO ADD:  Wow - I went back to figure out what I actually had lost for month 9 - and I guess I lost 11 pounds. Cool. Funny how now that I am farther out I lose track of that - life happens I guess. Anyway, I think that is a GREAT amount for month 9 so no complaints here.!!!***

Merry Christmas. It has been wonderful and it's been nice being around family. Christmas Eve my side of the family came over and we ate, played board games, ate, talked, and ate some more. Today, Christmas Day, we had family from both sides over. I swear I've ran my dishwasher 10 times in the last 2 days! Lots of stuff to do - and I am not really very tired as I sit here at 11:30 pm Christmas night. Last year at this time I would have been long off my feet because they hurt so bad. Not this year. I could have just kept going. I ate a lot over the past few days, but I've managed to drop yet another pound overnight. I am currently at 177 - a loss of 127 pounds in less than 9 months! I am only 9 pounds from the LOWEST weight my surgeon wants me to be at. A little scary, because at this point I am not sure if I could stop the weight loss if I wanted to. I really haven't been depriving myself of anything. I tend to stay away from the white breads and pastas as they make me so bloated and give me gas. And, I can only do so many sweets as it is just too rich for me (that in itself is such a HUGE change). So a bite here and there satisfies me. I still am not drinking pop. I've started drinking a fair amount of coffee lately. So far for month 8  have lost 9 pounds - I think that will probably be my total for the month if I think about how my weight loss pattern has been going for me. That will be a good total. Down 127 pounds - you really can't beat that!

Weight is 178 - I can't believe I dropped another pound while doing all the baking & tasting I've been doing. Amazing.

Wow. I weighed in at 179 this morning. That is a milestone for me. First of all I only have 29 pounds to get to my goal (about 10 pounds until my surgeon starts telling me to stop losing weight). Fan-freaking-tastic! And, I've been able to do that with a few bites of treats here and there. Amazing.

Edited to add:  and my BMI has gone from a dangerous 52ish down to 29.8 - I am overweight now! I was so morbidly obese before and I am here in tears because I am now just like about 75% of the population - simply overweight. Wow.

Well, I am still teetering at 180. Getting below that will be somewhat of a milestone for me - as this is what I remember weighing in like my junior year of high school. I am wearing 14 pants and L or XL tops. I have officially lost 124 in about 8 1/2 months - not too shabby. I am excited for Christmas - having family over Christmas eve AND Christmas Day - and cooking for both. I would be dreading it normally, but post-wls I am looking forward to it because I know I'll have the energy and stamina to get it all done. Still have quite a bit of shopping to do. Money is tight so we'll see how far it gets us. I loaded some new photos up - a pre-wls photo and the family Christmas photos we had taken about a week ago. The difference is amazing. My arm looks kind of flabby in the picture, but I think that is just how my sweater is laying.

I am so thankful for the chance for the DS and I think often about how things would be had it not happened. God truly is good!

This morning the scale said 180. That is awesome. I remember when I weighed 180 in high school. I felt like a leper. I always have held my weight very well, and I probably looked like I weighed 150 at the time. I was just athletic and muscular and strong, but I did have a gut. That is how I still am today. 

We had family photos taken over the weekend. That was a wow for me. They take them digitally and then put them up on a monitor. The first one up confused me, as I couldn't find myself up there. It took a few seconds, and then I realized I was looking at myself. Very weird feeling. I think it was amazing that the normal looking lady in the photo was actually me. It still blows my mind.

Dec 17, 2006

New low weight. Scale said 181 this morning. That means I am down 123 pounds in less than 9 months.

This morning i was 184. Finally the scale moved!!!

Also had an interesting conversation with a co-worker this morning. I was going to get coffee and she was walking behind me and said, "heidi, you are just wasting away!"  I laughed and said thanks, but not quite. I still have a ways to go. She said "no way - you look completely normal right now."  wow. that is weird. i still feel huge. why is that? I know that my clothing helps to hide some of it and i still do have some to lose, but i am getting pretty close. How is it that I can't see myself the same as others see me?  

Well, Dec 6^th was my 8 month anniversary and I have to be honest…I have had lots of ups and downs (he he he)…

The Ups...I feel up to doing housework, laundry, entertaining, socializing and picking up after my family (but I don’t always *want* to do it – ha ha). Losing this weight has made me feel human again. My feet and ankles don’t hurt anymore – they used to ache all the time and my hips and legs would be so painful. It is all gone and there is a bounce in my step now. I feel up to being in public – I no longer “hide” when I see people I know. I seek them out now. What a concept! I am no longer ashamed to show myself – it is actually quite the opposite. Even though I could still stand to lose some more and I have some extra skin, I am proud of what I look like now and sometimes even want to show myself off! I feel up to participating in things – work, home, social – no longer feeling like I can only sit back and watch. Now I feel normal – nothing special or abnormal about me!!!! My mood is up - for the first time in decades I feel confident and attractive. Yeahhhh me! My spending is up – albeit as hard as I try to not do this, I have had to buy new underwear, bras, casual clothes, work clothes, coats, shoes, etc. Even though I try to shop at the Goodwill for some stuff, I want to look good, too, so I have splurged on a couple things. But, I still look at the clearance racks first!!!

Now for the Downs...
I am down from size 28/30 or 4x to 16 or 14 pants and L or XL shirts. This is mind-boggling. I haven’t been able to shop in the junior’s section since I was a young teenager. Now I need someone to put me on that “What not to Wear” show so I learn what looks best on me. Choices – who’d have thunk it would be so difficult (yet exciting). I am down from shoe size of 9½W or 10 to size 9 (yes, I am having to buy new shoes, but I love it – for once in my life I am beginning to like shoes. I get the whole shoe thing now!!!) I am down from pre-op weight of 304 to 186 (loss of 118 pounds) – absolutely would have never thought I’d be where I am. So, anything more is “gravy” to me! (mmmm, that sounds good, too! J) I am down to the top end of my surgeon's weight goal for me - after only 8 months! I am down from eating HUGE quantities of food because I was ravenous all the time, to happily eating protein first, limiting white breads & pastas to avoid the gas & bloating, yet still being able to eat a bite or two of things that I crave and I feel satisfied. And – what a concept – I stop eating my meal when I am no longer hungry. Having one mini-gem donut as a “splurge” and feeling satisfied versus eating the whole box and trying to figure out how to explain why they’re gone is quite a change! I feel I've been freed from this horrible cycle! My blood pressure is down – off both meds I was on (I was off them like a month after surgery). My cholesterol is down – off my meds for this, too. I am sure there is much more. 

To be honest, I can't think of a single negative thing to come about as a result of this surgery. It has helped me grow socially, mentally, spiritually and shrink physically. Friends I have known for years walk right past me and don't recognize me. I can't help but snicker. Sometimes when I pass a mirror I don't recognize myself. I do feel sad, sometimes, when I think about all the years I lost that I'll never get back. I just wish I would have done this sooner.  

While I’ve been stuck at 186 for a few weeks now, I am trying not to panic. I still lost 9 pounds for my 8^th month and I know there is more to come. I have started drinking coffee with cream and sugar, just 1-2 cups a day, and that shouldn’t be what has stalled me for 3 weeks now, should it? I just think my body is catching up and adjusting.  I have had many wows, and have accomplished so much. Food is just not a focus of my life anymore, and that is so liberating. This surgery has been the best decision I've ever made. 

I was asked where my updated photos are...I still haven't been keen to get in front of the camera. Old habit, I guess. I need to take some photos, and I'll post them when I get that done. 

That's where I am. Life is back to being about other stuff and not about how miserable I am or my poor health. Life is good. Sorry this is so long...I tend to ramble on about the subject of how happy this DS has made me and how grateful I am for it. Until next time...

Last night I went out with my girlfriends from high school. We've kept in touch over the years and actually meet up for month about every other month or so. Anyway, one of my firiends is getting married next week and so we had a bachelorette party for her. It wasn't my idea, but the gal who organized the night decided we were going to go to a male dancer/strip club in an adjoining town. So, since this was going to be my first night out post-op, I went shopping for a new outfit. First I went over to my sister's house. he ha always been smaller than me and most of my life she has been significantly smaller than me. Her weight fluctuates alot, she has gained and lost hundreds of pounds in her life. So I looked thru her clothes and tried her jeans on - and they fit. I about died! So, I went shopping at a store I've always "admired" and decided to try some stuff on. I about died when I discovered I was fitting into XL's and Large's in regular sizes. I got so teary eyed cause I was so happy. However, shopping can be overwhelming - I never had very many choices before. Now I have to choose between so many things I really don't know what looks best on me. So I found a shirt and a few other things on clearance. I got home and highlighted my hair got all dolled up, wearing makeup and everything and I couldn't recognize the girl looking back at me in the mirror. She was HOT! So when I met my friends they couldn't believe it. It hadbeen a month or two since I saw them, so I was probaby down another 30 pounds or so. But the real story is how NORMAL the night was. How confident I was to be out and about, and felt like I looked reasonably good. The strippers were very sleazy and I really don't enjoy strange sweatty men touching me, but after a few drinks I guess I started to have fun. But overall I had so much fun with my friends because laughing came easily for me .I laughed so much my abs are sore today. Yes, I had a little too much to drink, but I don't do that but a couple times a year. We went out for breakfast afterwards, too, and the fun turned to seriuos talk and it was just a good night overall for 4 friends who have known eachother for alost 30 years. I know I looked good and I felt good. I was confident and outgoing and didn't want the night to end. Yeh, I could have done without the sweatty strippers, but that made the night interesting and fun. Thank GOD for the DS.