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October 28, 2006

Well, this morning I stepped on the scale and it read 199. I can't hardly believe it. I have now lost a total of 105 pounds. I believe I weighed about 180 when I graduated high school. So I haven't seen the "100's" since I was probably about 19-20 years old. You would never have been able to tell I weighed that much - I have always "worn" my weight well. It is hard to believe I am within 20 pounds of what I weighed when I was 18. I don't feel like I should weigh that, though. That is what is so weird. I have tried doing a little clothes shopping, but it is almost kind of overwhelming as there are so many choices now. I love the fact that I have shoulders, too, so I am loving to wear sweaters these days. I want to be out more. It used to be I would hate going out in fear I would see someone that I know. If I was ever out and saw someone from high school or my younger days when I was more "reasonably" overweight I would literally hide from them. My weight really caused me to withdraw and isolate myself. I am finding that these days I am itching to go out and live life and be around people. I had breakfast this morning with friends of mine since high school - we have kept in touch and do this about once every 3 months or so - and they have seen me at all weights. They hadn't seen me for a few months, so they were so surprised and supporting to me today. I have had so many people tell me how much younger I look. I had my 6 mo appt with Dr. Anthone this week, and he said, after looking at my pre-op photograph they took, that I look 15 years younger. He said I don't look like the same person. I saw a friend who was out walking in the neighborhood (I was driving by) and I pulled into a parking lot to say hi as I hadn't seen her for about 4 or 5 months. I walked up to her and said 'hi' and she just smiled and said hi and kept walking - like I was a stranger passing by her - she didn't recognize me. I said, "How are you doing - how are the kids these days?" and she looked at me like I was a stranger. Finally it hit her who I was and she about freaked. She couldn't believe it was me. People's reactions make me feel good, and I sometimes worry that I like their reactions too much. It gives me confidence and "good affirmations" - and I worry about where I'll get this once the compliments stop when I stop loosing weight. I know I need to find this within my self instead, and I think I am doing better in this area than I used to, but I have a long way to go, too. By the way, Dr. A said my labs are right on target and all is well. He still insists that I should try to end up between about 168 and 180, and anything less than that is discouraged. He said he can tell by how people look in their faces and in their eyes if they have lost too much. I still would like to be at 150, but I am taking the attitude of wait and see. And, not all of it is within my control. If I feel good at 168, then so be it. I just know that there may be a rebound, and I just don't ever want to go back to where I was. Dr. A cautioned that some poeple get anorexic after this surgery, too, and I don't want that either. I don't want to look sick, but I want to be in the normal weight category, which would be about 154 or so for my height. So, we'll see. Dr. A did say he thinks I may have a hernia developing in my belly button. That could be good or bad, depending on your perspective. I was adamantly against plastic surgery pre-op, but now that I have lost 105 pounds and I see the sagging skin, I am starting to think about it a little differently. I know eventually I won't be able to fit into certain clothes because of the skin, and that might change things for me, too. I am getting in around 60 grams of protein a day, and Dr. A said that is perfect. He doesn't understand all the hoopla over the large amounts of daily protein, and said that 60 grams is fine and my labs support that. I guess every surgeon is different. He did recommend doing some weight lifting to build muscle mass, and I really need to hit that harder. My 18's are starting to get baggy on me, so sometime I want to try on some 16's. I can sometimes get into an XL shirt and if not it is an 18W. I was luck to fit into 28's pre-op, and if I did they were TIGHT. I am down to a 42C in bras - shrunk a lot in both measurements. My hips and thighs feel a lot narrower lately. I have bones protruding where I never thought I would. I am starting to feel much more feminine and want to look feminine. I had given up on jewelry and perfume and looking nice before, but now I really want to try harder it seems. I feel good. I have only lost 6 pounds this month so far (my 6th month), and so I am hoping that by Nov 6th I can lose at least a few more. I had lost 15 pounds last month and 14 the month before, so I know that eventually I have to see a drop there, but I don't want to. This is still the best thing I have ever done for myself. I went into it thinking I was doing it for everyone else, but now I realize it was for ME! I am glad I did something good for ME!

October 25, 2006

After going up and down the same couple of pounds for the past 10 days, I can finally say that today I weighed 200. Ha ha. Hopefully tomorrow or the next day will get me into onederland!

October 7, 2006

Hi, everyone. Yesterday was my 6 month surgiversary - I can't believe how fast it has gone! First of all - THE GOOD: My lab rat data for month 6 is a loss of 15 pounds - I weigh 205!!!! My total lost so far is 99 pounds! Hard to believe. I feel great. This is the best thing I have ever done. I have had to get my head around a few things over these past 6 months - like misplaced guilt and feeling like I deserve this - but I feel I am at the best physical, emotional and spiritual shape I've been in for 20 years. The DS is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I feel so good about my future and I am so excited to LIVE! Next - the BAD: What is bad? Not much, but I have been dealing with a fair amount of acid reflux. I had to switch ins. co's and my new ins. co denied my prescription for the acid reflux medication I had been on since surgery. They wanted me to buy over the counter or go through a medical review / special request process. So, I thought I would see if I could wean myself off of these. BIG MISTAKE. I have had a lot of problems with heartburn and the such over the past couple of weeks, so I went and bought some over the counter to get me through until my 6 month check up with Dr. Antone in a couple weeks. I think I will have to go back on it. I really don't want to, but I am miserable without it. Lastly - the YUCKY: I have had absolutely NO problems with my incision area since I woke up out of surgery. I don't think even one drop of blood/fluid has oozed at all. All of the sudden this week my belly button has a bit of an infection in it, I think. I have lost a lot around my midsection, so I have a fair amount of excess skin that I think is "smooshing" together to prevent air from getting to the insides of my belly button. I have tried powder and keeping it clean, but it is bright red and it SMELLS yucky. It is very moist in there. I supposed maybe I need a cream of some sort? Sorry if TMI, but I wonder if this is something that I'll have to deal with more as I lose more weight?

Sorry for the long post, but I had to give my update. I am so psyched to get to the century club and onederland - both are just around the corner. My goal had been to lose 100 pounds in 6 months, and even though I missed it by a pound I think I've done well. It is just a number, right? I thank God for this opportunity and all of you for your support. You are all wonderful.

October 4, 2006

Two days shy of my 6 month surgiversary - will I hit a hundred pound loss? This morning I weighed 206 - the pounds seem to be dropping quickly again. This means I am at a loss of 98 pounds - will I get down to 204 by Friday???? Stay tuned...:)

September 4, 2006

Well, this morning I weighed 220 which gives me a loss of 14 pounds for month 5. So far I have lost 84 pounds - my surgery date was 4/06/06. I am very happy with this. My BMI is 36.6 - it was around 52 when I started. I am **HAPPILY** into a size 18W pants - thought that was going to take forever! I got so teary-eyed in the dressing room! I haven't been this size since I was in my late teens/early 20's. Every day I have someone coming up to me and commenting on how I look and my own sister says she sees a huge difference every time she sees me. My daughter and I joined my DH's gym yesterday and today will be our first trip there. I am actually excited about it! I feel great, I cross my legs without even realizing it these days, I feel so light on my feet, too. I can't imagine what I'll feel like when I lose another 50 pounds or so! The bad side: the girls they are-a-shrinkin'! Doesn't seem to be much to them these days. I am down to a C, but I think I could be a B very soon. Oh well, never really cared about their size anyway - they just always got in the way. ha ha I **REALLY** would love to hit the century mark by my sixth month, but that would mean I would have to lose 16 pounds in the next month. Not sure that will happen, and if it doesn't that's okay as I know it WILL happen eventually. This has been the best thing I've ever done for myself. I thank GOD every day that things fell into place for me and I have been so fortunate to have had no complications. This has been so easy for me. I love my DS and I am very proud to have been able to have it.

August 30, 2006

12 years ago today my life took a significant turn and I am ever so grateful to God. My daughter turns 12 today. She is a miracle and I was so naive when I was pregnant. I read every book and watched every show and thought it was going to be a piece of cake. HA! The second that little baby came out of me and I watched my DH's face as he cried and said it was a girl - and then the moment I saw her for the first time - I fell head over heels in love with her. I didn't know it at the time, but my life would never be the same. I never knew I could love that much and how it would suddenly become easy to imagine giving up my life to protect her. She has grown into the most interesting, fun-loving, responsible, funny, beautiful, spunky, onery, motivated, *almost* woman EVER. I am so proud of her not only for her accomplishments, but how she has dealt with adversity in her life and how she deals with others who have diversity in their lives. I just can't believe its been 12 years. Where did the time go? She reminded me this morning on the way to school that she'll be driving in 3 short years. She asked me, "Are you afraid?" I admitted it was scary to think about - but I am so excited for her. Her future is so bright and she has so many experiences ahead of her that I am actually excited for her. Not scared - because I know I have helped "mould" her and taught her the right values in life and now I get to see it in action. Right now I am just so proud of who she is. Happy Birthday, Jen. xoxoxo

August 28, 2006

Been doing a lot of thinking lately. I think a lot of my guilty feelings stem from not really believing that I deserve good things to happen to me. However, the replies to the post below really got me thinking and I feel so refreshed because I can honestly say that I now DO BELIEVE that good things will/can happen to me and that I as as worthy as the next person. I am wonderfully made by God. My childhood and my past all prove to me that God does want good things to happen to me, as without Him very bad things could have happened to me already. I know in my heart that good things are in store for me, and I no longer feel guilty for good things that have already happened for me. I feel I can now look to the future with hope, excitement and anticipation of the happiness I will have. I just know that my life is going to be full of great things in the future...I just need to have the patience to wait for it to happen. This may not sound so revolutionary to you reading this, but for me and the mindframe I have been in on and off throughout my life, this is great progress. I feel a weight has been lifted off of me, both literally and figuratively. ha ha. Anyway, I weighed this morning and I am at 223. Good things just keep happening!

August 25, 2006

This morning I weighed 225. I have been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds for over a week now.

August 10, 2006

weighed in at 230 this morning...whooohooo!

I am posting a pic of me pre-op and a pic I took today for my new avatar - I cried when I saw my new pic. I can't believe it is me. I am down 74 pounds at about 3 months and one week. WOW!

August 9, 2006

I just wanted to update. I was down to 232 yesterday, so I'll have to go with that for my update.